The Ice Games
by Ash The Wanderer
Summary: It began with a silly curse, and escalated into a war. Here is the complete Ice Games.
1. Nappa's Quest for Vengeance

**__**

Nappa's Quest for Vengeance
    
    One day, there was a tall young man wearing glasses who was sitting at his computer while staring at the screen.

"Hmmmmmm…" he muttered. "I wonder what should happen next…I need something dangerous…" the man said to himself, as he pondered a screen on which was written various text. It was the third part of a story called Bloodthirst.

The man's god-given name was Eric Mersereau, but for the story he was in the midst of writing, he went under another name: Ash The Wanderer.

And his normal day was about to get a lot weirder.

"Hmmmm, maybe I can…"

Then the screen deformed and then suddenly what looked like a giant picture of Nappa popped up on the document Ash was writing. Ash stopped typing as his jaw dropped.

"Hey!" Nappa said in his growling voice. "Are you ASS the Wanderer?"

Ash blinked. Nappa did not sound friendly.

"Uh…no! I'm Ash the Walker-Arounder. Ash the Wanderer is my cousin."

"Oh! Well, sorry to disturb you then." Nappa said, and his face vanished.

Ash blinked again and then slowly got up.

"Ok…did I just see…what I think I saw?" he said as he slowly turned around to leave.

"HEY, WAIT A MINUTE!" came Nappa's voice from the computer.

"Uh oh." Ash said, and tried to run.

Too late, as a huge pair of hands suddenly burst from the computer screen and grabbed Ash, yanking him backwards.

"AHHHHHHHHHHH-OWWW!" Ash said as he his back slamemd into the screen. Nappa kept pulling at him, but Ash refused to budge.

"Oh dammit! I forgot I have to invoke Ice's chant to get him in here! Um, let's see, what was it…" Nappa muttered. Ash tried to get away but had no luck in it.

"Oh yeah! Now I remember. Ahem…" Nappa began. Unable to move at all, Ash reached over and grabbed his favorite pen, which lay nearby in case he needed to jot down ideas for later.

"I'm a little teapot, short and stout! This is my handle, this is my spout!" Nappa said, before reached past Ash to push the Enter key on his keyboard.

And then all Ash felt was a sense of falling over and over.

Which ended rudely as he suddenly smacked ass-first into the ground.

"Owww…my tailbone…" he said.

"Your tailbone will be the least of your worries, ASS!" Nappa said. Ash shook his head and looked up at the gigantic saiya-jin warrior.

"Ok, aren't you supposed to be dead?"

"I was, but Ice Queen wished me back to be her muse after Trunks quit after the pink tutu incident!"

"So what do you have against me?"

"All that rotten chinese food you dumped on my head when I ate Chaozu!"

"You actually ATE mime-boy?"

"Yes, and what you did made me mad as hell! Now I stink!"

"You would probably stink whether or not you had rotten chinese food dumped on you." Ash muttered.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY!!!??!?!" Nappa roared.

"I said you would probably sink if you had cotton lumped on you." Ash replied.

"Oh. Yeah, I probably…wait a minute, that makes no sense…how can…" Nappa said as his few remaining brain cells tried to puzzle out what Ash had said. Ash took the time to try and get away.

"Oh no you don't!" Nappa said, grabbing the writer. "I still owe you an ass kicking for the chinese food!" Nappa roared, and cocked back his fist.

"WAIT WAIT WAIT! Stop the ass-kicking!" Ash said, putting his hands in a time-out sign.

"What?" Nappa said, lowering his fist.

"Technically, I didn't do anything to you. You did when you ate Chaozu! You caused my curse to happen!"

"Oh yeah? Well you were the one who went around cursing Ice Queen! You caused her stories to go insane! So I think I'll kick your ass anyway!" Nappa said, drawing back his fist.

"She started it! She made Chibi Trunks turn against me!"

"You interpeted it that way. ASS-Kicking time!"

"WAIT WAIT WAIT!"

"What is it THIS time?" Nappa said, lowering his fist again.

"Can at least get a last request?"

"Last request? Uhhhhhhh…I guess so." Nappa said.

"Ok. For my last request, I would like to sing a song."

"A song?" Nappa asked, as Ash inhaled.

"1,000,000 bottles of beer on the wall, 1,000,000 bottles of beer! If one fell, what the hell, 999,999 bottles of beer on the wall! 999,999 bottles of beer on the wall…" Ash sang as he reached for his notebook in his back pocket, hoping he hadn't lost it. Nappa was looking more and more annoyed that he had been tricked into this.

"999,998 bottles of beer! If one fell…"

"OK, I CHANGED MY MIND!" Nappa roared as he cocked back a fist. Ash hurridly whipped open his notebook and scribbled something on it.

"TAKE-ARGH!" Nappa yelled as his feet suddenly gave out and he fell forward, right on his face. Ash landed and scrambled away.

"OW! My doze! You murt my doze!" Nappa said as he got up, holding his injured face. "Now pid moo do mlat?"

Ash looked at his notebook in amazement.

"It worked."

"You sock-sucking son of a witch! I'll get you!" Nappa roared, as he cocked back his fist and a red ki blast glowed on it. Ash hurridly wrote something down again.

"HA-OW!" Nappa screamed as his own fist suddenly punched him in the face. Ash again looked amazed at the piece of paper where he had written "Nappa suddenly fell flat on his face" and "Nappa sudenly punched himself in the mouth".

"It works. It actually works. My author power holds here. Anything I write will happen…"Ash said, as an evil smirk came over his face. He quickly wrote something down again, and Nappa again punched himself in the face.

"Don't hit yourself!" Ash catcalled, and wrote it down again. Nappa screamed and yelled, but he couldn't do anything to keep his fists from constantly punching his face.

"Don't hit yourself! Don't hit yourself!" Ash mocked, and then wrote a somewhat longer thing down. Napa took his hands from his swollen face and suddenly clutched his stomach.

"OOOOOHHHHHH…I don't feel so good…I think I'm gonna…BLARFGH!" Nappa groaned before his mouth suddenly opened impossibly wide and hurled out Chaozu, who tumbled and landed at Ash's feet.

"Hey, I'm alive….eeeeewwwwww, where was I?" Chaozu groaned, looking at his incredibly filthy clothes, stained by being god knows where in Nappa's digestive system. He looked at Ash. "Who are you?"

"I'm Ash. Pleased to meet you, Chaozu." Ash said, and quickly wrote something down. Chaozu gasped as his clothes were suddenly clean.

"How did you do that?"

"ARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!" Nappa screamed, and powered up. "I'M GONNA SQUASH YOU BOTH LIKE BUGS!"

"Nappa! I thought he was dead!" Chaozu said.

"So did I. Think you can handle him?"

"I don't know…" Chaozu said. Ash quickly wrote something down.

Nappa's mouth fell open as Chaozu suddenly grew into a giant three times his size and ten times his strength level.

"Hasta la vista, Nappy." Chaozu rumbled, and then picked up Nappa, scruntched him into a ball, bounced him up and down a few times, and then kicked him over the horizon. Nappa's yelled all the way until he was out of sight.

Ash quickly wrote one last thing down.

And far away, Nappa landed in a big pile of rotten chinese food.

"Ohhhhhh, I'm evil." Ash snickered, and wrote something else down. Chaozu returned to his normal size a second later.

"Thanks mister! But how did you do all that?" Chaozu said.

"Um…well…you see…it's very hard to…dammit, I'll just cheat!" Ash declared, and wrote down. "Chaozu suddenly possessed all the knowledge he needed to make sense of what had happened."

Chaozu's eyes crossed, and then he scowled.

"EAT ME!?!?!??!?!?" he yelled. "People like to write about Vegeta, Piccolo, and everyone else EATING ME???????"

"Yeah. Don't blame them. They're just trying to be funny, but I felt they were unnecessarily picking on you. I mean, you did all you could! You should at least get some respect!" Ash said. "Now, how the hell do I get back to my world?"

"I dunno. Maybe we could find the dragon balls?" Chaozu suggested.

"That would probably work…but I have no desire to tromp around the DBZ world in this body. Gimme a second." Ash said, and wrote something down.

Then Ash was suddenly consumed with bright light, and when it cleared, Ash had completely changed. Rather bulky and with short, far too curly dirty-blonde before, he was now a muscular man with jet-black hair and with leather pants, a black shirt, and a black leather trenchcoat.

"What did you do?" Chaozu said in amazement.

"I turned myself into my writing alter ego. By the way, I owe Ice Queen a few favours, for her trying to have Nappa kick my ass! Ok Ice Queen, I'm right here, come and get me!"

Nothing happened.

"Hmmmpphhh! Well, I'm sure she'll show up, I beat the crap out of her muse, or friend, or whatever Nappa is to her. Until then…hey Chaozu, I said I would help you get revenge. Care to inflict a few…humuilating fates on the people who always are eating you in stories?"

"How so, Ash?"

"I command the power of authorship. The written word is my omnipotence. As long as I have this pen, I can make anything happen. Observe."

Ash wrote something down, and suddenly the sun set.

He wrote something else, and it rose again.

He wrote something else, and suddenly a horde of people appeared from nowhere and began to bow.

"You're wonderful! We are nothing! You are so great, Emporer Chaozu!" came the swarm of voices from all the people. Ash wrote something else and they all vanished.

"This could be a lot of fun." Chaozu said with an evil smirk.

"You betcha…hey, is that Piccolo?" Ash said, as he noticed the familiar Namek flying overhead.

"I think so…I can't believe so many people think he's sexy, he doesn't even have a sex!" Chaozu muttered.

"Different strokes for different folks…"Ash trailed off as an evil smirk again crossed his face. "Oh, I am SO evil…" he chuckled as he again wrote something down.

Piccolo suddenly found he was wearing tight leather pants, a tight cut up shirt, and no turban.

"What the…" he began, and then suddenly a look came over his eyes and he began to dance.

"I'm too sexy for my shirt…too sexy for my shirt…so sexy it hurts…" he began to sing, as he dirty-danced in the air. Down on the ground, Ash and Chaozu collasped in laughter.

"And to top it off…" Ash said, and wrote "Piccolo also decided to do this in front of every female in the DBZ world he could find."

"I'm too sexy for my planet…too sexy for my planet…" Picclo sang as he dirty-danced flew off. Ash's eyes glittered in mischief.

"Let's see what else I can shake up here."

__

What will Ash and Chaozu do in the DBZ world? Will Ash find his way home? Will Ice Queen interfere in Ash's attempt to cause chaos in the DBZ world? Will Ice Queen try to curse Ash's stories in return for his cursing of hers? Does Ice Queen know this is all in fun? Tune in next time for these answers in the follow up tale "Chaozu Gets His Revenge."

(Ok, for those of you wondering just how this all started, it began with Ice Queen's story "Babysitting Trunks". In one of the chapters, Trunks cursed Ash. I assume they meant another Ash, probably Ash Ketchum, but I, as a joke, took it to mean me. In my review, I blamed Ice Queen for "turning Trunks against me.", and I also cursed Trunks to have to wear a pink tutu through the rest of the story. To my surprise, Ice Queen actually did that. Since then, she and I have had fun by cursing each other's stories. In her latest story, Kitty Curse, I cursed her to have to have Piccolo keep trying to sell dog food to Vegeta, for Dende to be yodelling and hopping on a pogo stick, for Goku to be a genius, and for Freiza going around and asking Ice Queen to play "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire.", which as you can see, she did. But my main point of my curses have been trying to protect Chaozu, mainly that if anyone tried to hurt him, various weights of rotten chinese food would fall on their heads. Nappa ate Chaozu in Kitty Curse, thus causing this to happen, and when Ice Queen told Nappa that I was the one who was responsible, he came after me, thus this fic. If you want to see what I cursed to happen in Ice Queen's next story, read my review of Kitty Curse. Just know I have nothing against the Queen at all, this is all a joke. She is a treasure to FF.Net, and if she wants to curse any of my stories, I would be honoured! She can even curse this one! It will make it even more crazy!)

__


	2. Chaozu Gets His Revenge

**__**

Chaozu Gets His Revenge
    
    It had been a dull day for Master Roshi. Krillian and Eighteen were out training, Marron was off somewhere else, and being out here on an island, the lack of attractive women to oogle was really starting to get annoying to him. For a half-second, he almost wished he hadn't drunk that potion to grant him immortality.

Then he heard the rumbling of a boat.

And then suddenly a huge motorboat of women plowed up on a mototboat. A Motorboat full of very attractive women. In string bikinis.

"Thank you kami." He whispered.

"Quick! Hide us!" one of the women said, running up to Master Roshi and grabbing him.

"Hide you…why?" Master Roshi gasped, trying to keep his sheer pleasure out of his voice. Thankfully, his sunglasses hid his lecherous eyes.

"There's a green monster after us! It's horrible! Hide us! We'll do anything! Anything! Just hide us!"

A second later the woman was covered with blood as Master Roshi's nose exploded with blood before he keeled over in a faint.

"OH…YUCK!" she cursed.

Then there were sudden screams as the women on the boat spotted something.

"He's coming!"

"Let's get out of here!"

"Run!"

Some of the women ran off the boat before the woman on the wheel of it once again floored it and took off, leaving the women stranded on Turtle Island. As they fled into Master Roshi's house, the one who had been the unfortunate one to be standing on front of the old man when he had let the woman's words go to his head tried to splash some water on herself first.

Too late, as Piccolo landed in front of her.

"OH NO!" she yelled.

"I'm too sexy for my turban, too sexy for my turban…" Piccolo sang. The woman turned and hightailed it into the Kami House. Piccolo blinked as his keen hearing heard the door lock.

"How rude."

Piccolo calmly walked over to the door, opened it with a simple kick, and strode into the house, starting his new dance even as screams came from the house.

"I'm too sexy for my cape, too sexy for my cape…"

"So we leave out Goku. I was planning to do that anyway." Ash said, as he walked along with Chaozu floating along beside him.

"Yeah. He was always nice to me. So let's think of who hasn't…"

"Vegeta." Ash said immediately.

"You do know this world. I will admit, Vegeta is a jerk, with his holier then thou attitude. You know, I was once one of the most powerful fighters on the planet. I tried my best. It's not my fault I don't have special genes or the blood of a warrior race or all that. I guess he's a good guy, but damn if he doesn't show anything like that towards me."

"I know. The problem with Vegeta is that with his new family they need new places for him to unleash his aggression. Unfortunately, they seem fond of picking on you."

"I know. With me getting eaten and being called a cancer patient…geez, doesn't that belittle all cancer patients? It's not my fault I look like this, I was born this way."

"Well, those authors will soon know just how unhappy that made you. Isn't that right, Mike Steele?" Ash said, looking at no one in particular but giving the reader the impression he was looking right at them.

"So, Chaozu, I hear you were an emporer once! What's that like?"

"Oh, it's not all it's cracked up to be…"

Nappa pulled himself from the pile of rotten chinese food and roared like only he could.

"THAT'S IT! YOU AND YOUR FRIEND ARE DEAD MEAT, ASS!" he roared, and flew off in the last direction he knew the two had gone in.

Oolong was sitting around doing nothing in particular on the steps of a building when Ash and Chaozu spotted him from afar.

"Pig boy…why don't we do a little test?" Ash said, and whipped out his pen and notebook and wrote something down.

"To be or not to be, that is the question. Whether tis nobler to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune…" Oolong suddenly said, getting up and heading off quoting random Shakespeare.

"That's not very funny." Chaozu said.

Then there was a sudden loud "CLANG!" and suddenly Oolong came staggering around the corner with a giant lump on his head. He collasped, stars dancing before his eyes.

"No, what was funny was that I wrote for him to first quote some Hamlet, and then the most racy lines from Romeo and Juliet, to the first female he encountered."

And then the said female came storming around the corner, frying pan in hand.

"Uh oh. I think I may have made a boo boo." Ash said as he beheld the furious Chi-Chi.

"OOLONG!" Chi-Chi screamed, and put away her frying pan and pulled out a gun. Ash's eyes widened slightly.

"I'd best distract her." Ash said.

"And how do you plan to do that? She's as mad as Vegeta when he has a hernia." Chaozu said.

Chi-Chi raised her guns.

"Long have I beheld him as my enemy's kin, to strike him dead, I hold it not a sin!" Ash said loudly. Chi-Chi looked up.

"Wait a minute…did you put him up up to saying that? Answer me!" Chi-Chi yelled, and pointed her guns at Ash.

Then she was suddenly holding ice cream cones.

"Tasty weapons you have there." Ash smirked.

Angered at the loss of her guns, Chi-Chi threw down the ice cream cones and charged at Ash.

"Oh god, chill out."

And then Chi-Chi was suddenly encased in ice, her teeth chattering.

"Ooops! Not THAT way!" Ash cursed, and wrote something else down. Chi-Chi was again free, but before she could do anything Ash quickly wrote something else down.

"On the good ship, Lollypop! It's a sweet trip to the candy shop…" Chi-Chi began singing, and turned and skipped off and around the street corner.

"Once again, that's not really that funny." Chaozu said, as he followed Ash as he walked around the corner.

"No, but that is."

Goku stood, holding packages and watching his wife sing and dance in the street. The look of utter confusion on his face was priceless.

"Heh. Poor Goku. I guess I'll…"

And then suddenly, hot dogs began to rain down on Ash and Chaozu.

"AHHHHHHHH!" he yelled as he was suddenly bombarbed by tons of the mystery meat tubes. Goku was snapped out of his confusion.

"FOOD!" he yelled, and dropped the bags and ran over to where it was raining hot dogs and began to devour them. Ash, meanwhile, was trying to write something in the downpour of weiners.

"Come on…ARGH!" he yelled as he dropped the pen. He quickly fell down and grabbed it, but the rain of hot dogs buried him before finally tapering off.

Chaozu began to dig his friend out as Goku blissfully ate. Ash eventually emerged, very messy and ticked off.

"YOU'RE GOING TO PAY FOR THAT, ICE QUEEN!" Ash yelled, and began to write something else down.

Then he looked up to see a second rain of hot dogs begin.

"OH NO YOU DON'T!" Ash said as he wrote something down, and the hot dogs disappeared.

"What happened?" Chaozu said.

"Ice Queen must have cursed this story. I blocked it, but she's an author and she has every power I have. But if she wants a war, she'll have it. I'll match her in anything she can pull, I swear it!"

Ash wrote something else down and the grime and oils on his figure vanished.

"Now I'm in a bad mood…so I think I'll go for the sweetest plum."

Vegeta was training in the gravity machine when Ash strolled over on the yard and wrote something down.

Then there was a boom, and Vegeta suddenly ran out of the machine, his rear end on fire. He ran around, screaming and trying to put out the fire, as Ash and Chaozu laughed, Chaozu sitting on Ash's shoulder. Vegeta suceeded in putting out the fire and glared at the new arrivals.

"Mime-boy! And I don't know who you are, but you're dead anyway!" he roared, as he went SSJ. Ash smirked and began writing something down.

"Let the games begin."

Nappa landed on the ground off to the side of Ash. He grinned. The writer hadn't noticed him, he was so caught up in another sight.

Then Nappa saw what Ash was seeing, and his jaw dropped.

"WOOGA WOOGA WOOGA WOOGA!" Vegeta whooped, as he hopped around the yard, dressed only in Care Bear underwear.

"Ice Queen only glossed on this, so I decided to try it again, with the volume turned-WAY-UP!" Ash crowed.

"My prince…what has happened to you?" Nappa said.

"WOOGA WOOGA WOOGA WOOGA!" was all Vegeta could say, as he hopped up to Nappa.

"Hey, it's Napster, er, Nappa again!" Ash said. "I guess he didn't learn his lesson the last time!"

"Then let's teach him!" Chaozu said, grinning wickedly. Ash returned the wicked grin and wrote something down.

Vegeta suddenly leapt up on Nappa's head, much to his surprise.

"BOOGER! BOOGER! BOOGER!" Vegeta yelled, jumping up and down on Nappa's head.

"OW! OW! OW!" Nappa said, before he was finally able to pull Vegeta off.

Ash wrote something else down.

And Vegeta kicked Nappa square in the balls.

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!" Nappa yelled, as the kick rocketed him straight up into the sky.

"GOOOOOOOOAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!" Ash yelled.

"AND HE'S OFF!" Chaozu joined in.

Trunks, who was busy working on schoolwork, glanced out the window to see what the ruckus was.

The fact that he suddenly saw his father in a pink dress gave him plenty of reason to run out to the yard as fast as he could.

"You drive me crazy! I just can't see! I'm so excited! I'm meant to be!" Vegeta sang in a high-pitched female voice.

"TOUSSAN! Have you gone mad?" Trunks said, and then saw Ash and Chaozu, rolling on the ground, helpless with laughter.

"What have you done to my father!?!??" Trunks yelled.

"Unlocked his closet cross-dressing tendencies!" Ash said, and began laughing again.

"Stop it right now!" Trunks said.

"Ok, ok, don't get so mad, you'll lose your hair." Ash said, and snickered at the mental picture of Trunks with no hair.

Then he was snapped out of his mental wanderings by a scream.

"MY HAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Trunks yelled, for he was now as bald as a plucked chicken. Screaming, he ran into the house.

"Man, I didn't mean to do that…I did it just by thinking…hey…"Ash said as a new extension of his power suddenly came to him. "I don't have to write it down, I just had to think it!"

Ash glanced at the Vegeta who was still singing Brittany Spears.

"Oh, I'm a troll man…" Vegeta sang, pointing to his hair. "I'm a troll man…"

"STOP! STOP! I'm gonna die laughing!" Chaozu said, rolling on the ground.

And away in the real world, a writer known as Becky Ross looked at the screen in annoyance.

"That does it! No more running roughshed, Ash!" the writer also known as Ice Queen said. "I'm a little teapot…!"

Ash had finally grown bored of making Vegeta do things, and had released him from his control. Before Vegeta could do anything, Ash, as a final joke, put him to sleep and made him sleepwalk, and now Vegeta was sleepwalking around the yard, still in a pink dress.

"That was so saitisfying." Chaozu said, hopping back on Ash's shoulder.

Ash was about to reply, and then his ears perked up as he heard something.

"YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAARHHHHHHHHHH!" Nappa yelled as he came crashing back down to the ground, leaving a Nappa-shaped crator in the ground. Ash glanced at it.

"He's gonna be pissed when he gets out." Ash remarked.

"ARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Nappa screamed, all his veins bulging and his eyes laced with veins. "I HATE YOU!"

"You hate being humilated." Chaozu said.

"AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Nappa screamed, and leapt at Ash and Chaozu.

Ash just sighed and pointed at him.

Nappa slammed into Ash, punching him.

He didn't realize that Ash had shrunk him down to the size of his hand until Ash grabbed him with it.

"You like picking on little guys and eating them? Let's see how you like it." Ash said, and popped Nappa into his mouth, Nappa's muffled yells of protest vanishing into silence.

Ash chewed up the now tiny saiya-jin, then spat him out and drop-kicked him into a tree. Nappa re-grew back to his original size as he lay, groaning in pain.

"What shall we do now?" Ash said.

"How about you deal with me?"

Ash glanced up, and his eyes darkened slightly.

"I was wondering when you would show up, Ice Queen."

Ice Queen floated down, already in her author form of a female Ice-jin, and landed next to Nappa.

"Ice Queen…?" Nappa muttered. Ice Queen glanced down at the badly beaten saiya-jin.

"I quit." Nappa said, and high-tailed it away. Ice Queen looked back at Ash, her own eyes smoltering. Ash looked back with smirking eyes.

But Chaozu was looking at Ice Queen like she was a goddess, his eyes practically in the shape of hearts.

"Will you be my girlfriend?" he said in a loving tone. Ice Queen looked in horror at Chaozu and began backing away.

"Get that…that THING away from me!" she said in horror.

"Why Ice Queen, you're afraid of Chaozu? I never knew!" Ash said, and then glanced with annoyance at Chaozu.

"Snap out of it!" Ash said.

"What…huh? What happened?" Chaozu said.

"You thought you were in love. Trust me, I don't think it was true. I don't blame you, the way you are, I don't think you get much." Ash said.

Ice Queen scowled.

"I think you have let your powers go to your head, Ash. You're not the only one with the powers of authorhood here, not anymore! I saw what you've been doing, to Piccolo and Vegeta! Only I can do stuff like that!"

"Hey, just getting some revenge for my good friend Chaozu. If you have a problem, you're welcome to try and stop me."

Ice Queen smirked.

And then suddenly Fat Buu appeared. Her eyes widened slightly.

"Oh come on. Is that the best you can summon? What's he going to do, eat me?" Ice Queen mocked.

"How very astute of you!" Ash said. Eyes Queen's eyes widened.

"COOKIE!" Buu said, and turned Ice Queen into a small gingerbread cookie, and then proceeded to devour her.

"Well, that was easy." Chaozu said from his place on Ash's shoulder.

"A little too easy." Ash replied.

And then Fat Buu blew up, scattering pink bits as far as the eye could see. From the explosion emerged Ice Queen, filthy and slightly irritated. She looked at Ash again with smoldering eyes and then she was once again clean.

"Ooh, somebody wants to play! Alright! Two can play this game." Ice Queen said, and snapped her fingers. Agony appeared.

"HEY!" Ash said. "That's copyright infringment!"

"What do you think fanfic is?" Ice Queen smirked, and motioned Agony towards Ash and Chaozu.

Agony stood there, filing her nails.

"Hey! I'm waiting..." Ice Queen said.

"Sorry lady, it's my day off. Call my agent." Agony said, and continued to file.

"ARGH! First that damn penguin won't listen to me, now Agony won't! Damn original characters!" Ice Queen cursed.

"Agony." Ash said. Agony looked over and then kneeled.

"Yes, my creator?" she said. Ice Queen's jaw dropped in shock.

"While you're here, do me a favour. Go find an author named Billy Bob 69. He wrote some nasty things that he thought was a good joke. Why don't you seek him out and show him your idea of a good joke?"

Agony's eyes glittered wickedly, and she vanished into the shadows.

Ice Queen is thrown out of character for a second, and grins. "Good. Hey, Agony? Give him a kick in the balls for me." She calls after her the fleeting figure. She looks around to see everyone staring at her, and snaps back into being the bad guy.

"Grrrrrr! Why you…ok, if you can command your original characters, so can I!" Ice Queen yelled.

And then Tiger plummeted from the sky and landed on Ash's head.

"AHHHHHHHH!" Ash yelled. He reached up and gently removed the kitten from his head. Tiger began to purr.

"ARGH! TIGER, YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO LIKE HIM!" Ice Queen cursed. She looked at Ash, who was petting the kitten. "If that's the way you want to play, so be it! It appears that this will require something far more elaborate."

Ice Queen glanced to her side, and a fully healed Nappa appeared.

"Go gather all the authors you can. We're going to settle this issue. Let's call it…the Ice Games."

__

It appears the game is afoot! What will happen in the Ice Games? Who will win in the curse war between Ash The Wanderer and Ice Queen? Will Piccolo and Vegeta ever get over the humilation that Chaozu inflicted apon them in revenge? Is Goku still eating the hot dogs? Find out in the next chapter of this saga, The Ice Games! The authors will recieve an "invitation" from Nappa, please respond promptly.


	3. The Ice Games-Prelude

**__**

The Ice Games-Prelude
    
    "And so it begins." Ash said to Chaozu, who was, as usual, sitting on Ash's shoulder. The invitations and everything was taken care off, and it had gone far better then he had expected.

Then an anvil fell on Chaozu's head. Chaozu went tumbling off Ash's shoulder with a yell of pain.

"What the…!?!?!?" Ash exclaimed.

Then another anvil fell on Chaozu's head, this one even bigger then the last one. Chaozu was suddenly surrounded by tiny dancing Tien's as he looked around groggily.

"What the hell is going on?" Ash said, and with his words yet another anvil, that was even bigger then the last two fell on Chaozu's head, knocking him silly once again. Ash glared over to Ice Queen, who was laughing hysterically.

"ICE QUEEN!" he yelled, and pointed at Chaozu as another anvil was about to fall on his head. The anvil vanished and re-appeared over Nappa's head.

"What the…?" Nappa said.

DONG!

"I always knew it was hollow." Ash said. Yet another anvil appeared. Ash snapped his fingers and it turned into a ice pack. Chaozu thanfully pressed the pack against his aching head.

"Ice Queen cursing you?" he asked. Ash nodded.

"She possesses every power I have. As I can curse, so can she. I guess I'll have to deal with it." Ash said. More anvils tried to fall on Chaozu's head, but they bounced off an invisible shield.

"Well, do so quickly. I can't have anvils falling on my head every time you talk. I don't deserve it." Chaozu said.

Ash's eyes suddenly lit up in wickedness.

"But I know just who does."

In the real world, the flamer known as Wouldn't You Like To Know woke up to find an anvil staring him right in the face.

"AHHHHHHHHHHH…" he screamed.

And the anvil bounced right off without hurting him. Would You Like To Know's face arched in confusion.

Then another anvil fell on the flamer. Again, it didn't affect him at all, but the rain of anvils continued, slowly beginning to fill up his room.

"So what did you do?" Chaozu said.

"I switched the curse so that my old friend WYLTK gets the anvils on the head every time I speak. But the first one would surely kill him, so I also gave him an anvil-proof head and body. Now he has to walk around with anvils falling on him all the time. It's like Chinese water torture, eventually it will drive him mad."

"Mwahahahahahaha." Chaozu laughed, ala Dr. Evil. Ash smirked and joined in, and they did their best Austin Powers impression.

Until Pikachu came out of nowhere, leapt onto Chaozu's leg, and began humping it.

"WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!?" Chaozu screamed.

"ICE QUEEN!!!!!!!!!!!!" Ash yelled. Ice Queen was again laughing her head off. Then another figure, this one looking like a saiya-jin child, flew down and the two slapped hands.

"Nice one, Saiyanbrat!" Ice Queen said. Ash glowered at the two as they laughed as Pikachu continued to hump Chaozu's leg and Chaozu kept trying to pull him off, without success.

"They're beginning to arrive, but oh Ice Queen, I swear…"

"I'm here! And I work at Mcdonalds!" Nahognos said as he stepped out of a portal with Billybutt69, Freiza, and Ice. The two transformer-jins deposited Agony's limp body on the ground.

"Agony!" Ash said, coming over to her. "Are you all right?"

"I feel happy!" Agony said. Ash smacked his forehead. Chaozu kept cursing as he tried to pull Pikachu off his leg. 

"I work at Mcdonalds!" Nahognos said again.

"Nahognos, you idiot! You've inflicted Agony with Out-Of-Characteritis! Now I have to fix her!" Ash said. He put a hand on Agony's head.

FLASH!

"Uh oh." Said Billy Butt, as he began to back away.

"What do you wish of me, master?" Agony said, back to her normal ultra-evil self. 

"Did you take care of Billy Butt?"

"All I got to do was kick him in the balls before I suddenly got this uncontrollable urge to scream "WASSSSSUUUUUUPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!" Agony said in the trademark yell. 

"Ash! Don't kill him. It won't solve anything!" Nahognos said.

Ash glaced at the man who had insulted all DBZ authors, even if the attempt was a joke.

"Ok, Agony, don't kill him."

"AWWWWWWWWWWWWWW." Agony said, looking sad. Billy Butt sighed in relief.

"Don't hurt him either. But anything else is fair game." Ash said. Agony looked up in delight, and before Billy Butt could do anything she had bounded over and grabbed him and hopped into a dimensional crack, which closed behind them as Billy began to scream.

"That wasn't nice. And I work at Mcdonalds." Nahognos said.

"WHO CARES?" Chaozu yelled, as he tried to get Pikachu off his leg via a jackhammer. But Pikachu just put up an electrical shield and kept humping. Ash glared at the annoying Pokemon, and then a light bulb appeared above his head.

"HEY! I know how to dodge Flash! I mean…" Ash said, and looked at Pikachu.

Pikachu detached himself from Chaozu's leg, and then ran over to Nahognos's leg and began to hump it instead.

"HEY! ARGH! GET IT OFF ME! I WORK AT MCDONALDS! GET IT OFF!" Nahognos yelled. Freiza and Ice looked at each other and then moved towards their author.

Ash glared at them.

"Help him, and I will turn you into a superhero team named Pencilhead and Son of Pencilhead!" Ash said. Freiza and Ice hurried away. Nahognos glared at Ash in turn.

"That does it, Ash. I don't remember what side I chose before, but it ain't yours!" he said, and then motioned angrily to Freiza and Ice as he walked over to Ice Queen. Or more precisely, did his best to walk over with Pikachu humping his leg.

"Thanks." Chaozu said as he hopped back on Ash's shoulder.

"No problem. Now we just sit back and wait for the others to arrive." Ash said.

Suddenly, from wherever it is fanfic victims come from, Movie 9 Son Gohan appears. In his hands he clutches a yam for dear life, though he looks at it in confusion, not sure why he is here, nor why he is holding onto a yam.

"Um..." the young half Saiya-jin says, studying the beautiful tubor, "I think there's been a mistake…"

"Aaaaayeeeeaaaaah!" A wild roar fills the air and out of nowhere a girl with a braid, commonly known as Chelsee, swings in on a vine. To this day, no one knows where the vine or the author came from.

Coming to a crash landing on skidded knees, Chelsee stands up and yells, "Tada!" Her arms are raised and her eyes shine as she waits for glory to be showered apon her.

No one applauds. 

"You call that an entrance?" Nappa says.

"Aww, shucks," Chelsee mumbles, and marches over to Gohan, purposefully yoinks the yam from his grasp and takes a big bite.

"Ok, where am I, why am I here, and why is this yam obessessed woman looking at me with such love?" Gohan says, edging away warily. Chelsee looks at Ash.

"How do I invoke author powers?" she asks.

"Just think it and it will happen." Ash replies.

Chelsee looks at Ash in mischief.

"HOWEVER, it will NOT work on other authors!' Ash said. Chelsee pouts.

"I LOVE YOU GOHAN!" she yells, and leaps into his arms. Gohan's confusion only increases. Ash mercifully sends him all the information he needs to understand.

"Interesting. Well, I'm honoured to be your representative Chelsee, but would you please LET ME BREATHE!??!?!?" Gohan gasps, his face starting to turn blue.

Ash smirks at the acts of his young ally.

And then he heard singing. He turned around and found a mountain had appeared behind him. From a snow-capped rock peak, Silver Galaxy appeared, exploding off the rock on a snowboard.

"Flying down the nouthen mountians, eh ha ha ha ha ha ha! Snowfully, snowfully, snowfully we go! O-HIGH-O, merrily we go! O-HIGH-O, merrily we go!" Silver Galaxy finished as she came to a stop in front of the author.

Ash smirked.

"Now THAT…is an entrance." Ash said, and turned around. Chelsee pouted and called him a meanie. Ash rolled his eyes and turned back around, where he found Mirai no Trunks standing and looking confused as hell.

"Ok…" he said. Ash gave Trunks the information, and then Silvery Galaxy leapt onto his shoulders, demanding that Trunks fly around. When Trunks hesiated, Silver Galaxy changed his clothes into a victorian style dress, and Trunks was soon flying Silver Galaxy around on the promise she would not do anything like that to him ever again.

"Will you stop that!" Vegetto cursed as he walked by.

"Oh come on! They're so pretty!" Emeralda said, as she continued to play with the Potaro fusion earings.

"So many strange people." Chaozu remarked.

"And more are on the way." Ash replied.

Just a Thought yawned and stretched lazily taking a break from typing on her next action/adventure fic. "Oh geez." She muttered. "I'm tired." She rubbed her eyes to keep them open for a few more minutes. Alas it didn't quite work, so she got up and went to the kitchen to find something with caffeine, all the while mumbling about how your never too young to start drinking coffee.

She searched for several minutes but turned up just about nothing at all. "Well, that stinks." She griped and headed back for the office and sat down to type again.

She typed along happily, or as happily as you can get at 3:00 in the morning, until her printer turned on all by itself. Just a Thought blinked several times trying to figure out what had just happened. But decided she'd probably just brushed the power button by mistake. But then it started printing.

"Probably just a bug or glitch." she reasoned, but the monitor didn't show that the printer was printing like it usually did. "Okay. Nothing wrong, there's a perfectly good explanation for this." She said and bit her lip.

When the printer had done its job it turned itself off, just like that. However that wasn't the strangest thing. There was a picture of a person who strangely looked like Goku. He was even drawn anime style. JAT cocked an eyebrow trying to figure out what was going on. She'd seen the face somewhere before. Gradually, the pieces started coming together, strange Goku like appearance, spiked hair, a tail…The only thing that seemed funny was that the guy was wearing Sayian armor.

Just a Thought got a gleam in her eye as she came to her conclusion.

"It must be Goten!"

"Just a Thought, you are as dense as Goku." Ash muttered, smacking his face into his palm. Behind him, Alex35 walked by, swinging Chibi-Trunks on his shoulders and having a good time.

"I'd better fix this."

"NO IT ISN'T!" the computer typed on the screen. JAT, slightly bothered by the fact that her computer had just typed an understandable sentence on its own figured she was just imagining things and looked the picture over carefully again. The red bandana should have been a giveaway from the start, 

"Oh, this must be Bardock." She whispered.

Before she could say more the picture started to glow. JAT, dropped the paper and tried to search for anything that might get her out of this strange predicament. Unfortunately, all she could get her hands on was a few pens and pencils and a notebook of paper before there was a blinding flash.

When Just a Thought opened her eyes again she found that she wasn't in her apartment anymore. She was standing on a hill covered with light green grass all alone. Or at least she thought she was alone till she turned around to come face to face with Bardock.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

Just a Thought just continued staring.

Bardock looked back at her skeptically. 

"The name is Bardock." He said.

JAT kind of shook her head to clear up the daze. 

"Just a Thought." She replied, holding out a hand to shake Bardock's before realizing he probably didn't know about that custom.

"Kind of a long name, don't you think?" Bardock asked.

"Uh," Just a Thought paused, "Call me JAT for short."

"Weird name." Bardock muttered.

"Well it's not as weird as Bardock." Just a Thought replied defensivly. "What's that a take off of anyway? Boondocks?" she paused. "Oh, wait, Saiyans are named after vegetables, aren't they? So what would Bardock be a take off of? Broccoli?" she asked herself out loud.

"No, that's what MY name is a take off of." Brolly said as he walked by.

"Huh?" Bardock asked, confused half at JAT's odd question and half that Brolly had shown up when he hadn't been invited.

"Oh, never mind." Just a Thought replied shutting up. "So, do you know why I'm here?" she asked.

"Not really." The Saiyan replied.

"Hmmm, that's not good." She replied pulling out the supplies she had grabbed before being transported to the DBZ world. And then it dawned on her. 

"We're in the DBZ world, right?" she asked without looking up at Bardock.

"Yeah…" Bardock replied.

JAT uncapped a pen and began writing.

"What are you…" Bardock trailed off as he did a handstand. "What the hell?" he asked.

"So the rumors were true. I have author powers here." Just a Thought said happily.

"Uh, yeah, well, do you think you could get me down?" Bardock growled.

"Oh, right, sorry." JAT quickly wrote another sentence down so that Bardock could stand comfortably again. 

"This could prove to be quite interesting." she muttered. She looked over and saw that Brolly was argueing with a man in a leather trenchcoat. Chaozu sitting on his shoulder was a dead giveaway.

"That must be Ash. And if he's on that side, then that means that must be Ice Queen." JAT said. The female transformer-jin was talking with Freiza and Ice as Nahognos continuted to try and pull Pikachu off his leg. Nearby was a little saiya-jin who JAT didn't know, but a quick use of author power told her it was Saiyanbrat.

"That's my team. Let's go, Bardock."

"I'm not so sure I want to be on the same team as Frei-ah!" Bardock said as JAT wrote something down and a leash appeared around his neck that JAT used to drag him along with.

Vegeta had blown up several cities and landscapes, but he still hadn't found the man who had so utterly humilated him. Then along had come Alias4life, and Vegeta suddenly found himself a representative of an author against his will. Now he dragged his feet behind Alias4life, muttering that he would have his revenge for this.

Then he saw Ash.

"YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Alias4life saw his representative leapt past him and at Ash, who was still talking with Brolly. Ash turned.

And then Vegeta stopped in dead air.

"I would advise you to listen to Alias, Vegeta, or you'll be back in the Care Bear underwear and wooga woogaing before you can blink." Ash said.

"I'll be good." Vegeta squeeked.

Ash waved and Vegeta was let go. Cursing in saiya-jin, he walked back over to Alias4life.

So, I'm your representative. Peachy. I should be training, I have to defeat Kakarotto…" Vegeta said, before he trailed off. Then he turned to Alias.

"You're an author. Does that mean you have all the powers he does?" Vegeta asked.

"Uh, I think so…" Alias4life replied, before Vegeta grabbed him.

"MAKE ME STRONGER THEN KAKAROTTO! NOW!"

Then a tarred and feathered Billy Butt landed on Vegeta, knocking him silly.

"I'm done." Agony chirped, and skipped back over to Ash. Alias picked up Vegeta via author power and looked at Billy Butt, who was not only tarred and feathered, but had his hair shaved off and "DBZ rules all" painted all over him.

"Maybe next time, your joke will be more obvious, BB." Alias said, and headed over to his side.

Leia3000 was the last arrival, and she had brought along Tapion, who was now providing free entertainment via his orcarina. Ash was off in one side, Chaozu on his shoulder and Brolly by his side, speaking with Goku, Krillian, and Tien. Ash, considering himself an omni-writer of sorts, had taken on more representatives. Goku was happy to make a new friend, especially one who could provide him with unlimited food.

Then Ice Queen walked over. Ash stood at her coming, and then motioned for his posse of characters to go off. They did, even Chaozu. Ash walked over to the transformer-jin.

"Nice trick with the curses. But I'm afraid I outdid you once again, Ice Queen." He said, smirking at Nahognos, who was still trying to get Pikachu off his leg.

"I've come to say that SSJ Vegeta is going to be a little late, but he'll be here. And that I think the playing fields are drawn a tad uneven." Ice Queen said, glancing at her side. Her team consisted of Saiyanbrat, Nahognos, and JAT, and their respective representatives. On Ash's side was Silver Galaxy, Chelsee, Emeralda, Barbo-chan, Alexh35, Alias4life, and Leia3000, and with SSJ Vegeta to come.

"Not my fault. They picked their sides themselves. If I outnumber you, that's how it is." Ash smirked.

Ice Queen smirked back.

"Maybe so, but my last ally is on the way, and he will make up for the numbers disadvantage." Ice Queen said, and looked up into the sky.

The sky that was so blue but a moment ago was now black. Only one thing kept an observer's mind from being sucked into the controlled hole in reality. The power. A wall of tightly controlled energy was blocking the entrance into the hole, keeping Earth form being sucked into its unknown depths.

The hole suddenly vanished, and the energy that made up the shield returned to its origin. A lone humanoid floating in Earth's upper atmosphere.

"Welcome Earth 454792925436435. Welcome to my prescence." The figure said the words as if he controlled the place. In some ways, in many ways, he did. Ash's eyebrows and face illustrated his displeasure.

"I think this will be an excellent arena for a war of unthinkable importance. Well, a war of some sort." The thoughts of the humanoid were almost audible to the average creature.

"Time to get to business," the humanoid said. Its body seemed to became pure light for a moment. Then, it was different. Very different.

"I am one of Mike Steele's mentally controlled mechanical bodies." The thing said as it landed in the group, in front of the two ringleaders of the games.

"Hello Mike," Ash said cooly. "Couldn't come in person? I'm disappointed."

"I am not Mike. I am...his mind's creation. Now, when do I get to do mean but humorous things to you?"

"When I say you can. Which will be never," Ash laughed, but there was a cruel edge to it.

"You will be happy I am not using my powers," Mike Steele said through the mechanical body.

"I said no powers. Sorry about your luck, but if you play this game you play by my rules. There will be no Infinate Infinity powers here." Ash said, and turned away, looking back as Ice Queen. Ice Queen had a smug smirk on her face.

"Human," Mike's device mumbled. It quickly dropped its energy level to the minimum reading: one.

"You would be surprised, Mike." Ash whispered

"Are you the first guy that wrote about my defects?" Chaozu asked, walking up to the body.

"Yes I am, thing. Oh, lookey there!" the body exclaimed, pointing behind Chaozu. As the little man turned around, the body prepared to kick it into the surface of planet ZNX-485.

But as he kicked, all he hit was a rock. Mike's device looked at his now-damaged foot and then at Ash, who was pointing at him.

"No," Ash hissed.

"Whatever," the body mumbled. "GOGETA!"

The fusion quickly hurried to the body's side. 

"Yes?"

"I chose you so you can fight for me. After all, Ash said no powers." Both grinned.

"This will not be a battle of fighting abilities or power levels, Mike." Ash said. The device turned to him.

"What?"

"That would be unfair. The playing field will be far more…even." Ash said. He motioned to Chaozu, and the mime hopped back on his shoulder as Ash walked off, talking to him in low tones.

"We are outnumbered." Ice Queen said.

"No matter." Mike said, as strange alien creatures began to land close to him. "I brought my Narwhals. And I think I can convince Nahognos to call in his army of ex-child TV stars. That should even up the field."

Then Piccolo landed next to the two, and still in his new outfit, began to dance.

"I'm too sexy for my Makkankosappo, too sexy for my Makkankosappo…" Piccolo sang as he dirty-danced. Several of the DBZ members vomited, and Ice Queen looked horrified. Mike Steele regarded the Namek cooly.

"That's enough. I free you from your curse." Mike said.

Later, Mike was amazed how fast a Namek embarrassed beyond belief could fly away to hide.

Night had fallen, and the two sides had gathered on the grass. Both sides were more and less the same size, thanks to Mike and Nahognos's fleshing-out efforts. The two sides looked at each other.

Ash and Ice Queen walked to the front, Ice with Nappa, Ash with Chaozu, Brolly, Goku, Krillian, and Tien.

"Welcome to the Ice Games. This will be a test to see…come to think of it, just what is this for, anyway?" Ice Queen said. Ash grabbed the mike.

"Who cares?" Ash said. "As you might have heard, there will be no fighting at these games. They are called Games, and will remain so. However, there is no need for anyone to feel they are mere pawns to the feud between myself and Ice Queen. Indeed, the Ice Games can be won by any of the authors who have entered. But while the individual wins, that means whoever side he/she chose wins too. So Ice Queen, why don't you just give up now?"

"In your dreams, ASS!" Ice Queen shot back. Ash snickered.

"I have decided on the game the Ice Games will be. If we fought, there would be far too many unfair factors. So I have decided on something that everyone here can do."

Ash paused for dramatic effect.

"The Ice Games will be…A KAIRIOKE CONTEST!"

__

Well, you heard me. Now here's what you have to do. You should all have my e-mail, it's [ash_bloodfire2@hotmail.com][1]_ if you don't. You must pick a song, any song at all (but try and keep it from being ridiculously filthy) and you and your representative, along with anyone else you want to use, will sing it in the Ice Games! You send me this written skit of you singing the song you chose and I will judge it along with IQ! However, you will be rewarded extra points for two things._

  1. The singing of the song is funny (mistakes, production errors, wrong singers, anything you can think off!) Just make sure you sing the whole song!
  2. This is a big one. The best points will go if you can pick a song and then spoof or modify it so that it is about DBZ! It can be about anything DBZ, just make sure it is about it!

Have fun! Send me those songs, and maybe we can settle this thing once and for all!

   [1]: mailto:ash_bloodfire2@hotmail.com



	4. The Ice Games-Interlude

**__**

The Ice Games-Interlude

"I think it was USSJ Vegeta fighting Super Cell, but everything was screwed up! Vegeta looked like a combination of some kind of tree creature with grey hair and a really gnarled face, and a centaur! It really didn't look like Vegeta at all! Super Cell looked different too, he looked like a combination of Super Cell and Perfect Cell, and he kept throwing bubbles! Well, these bubbles hit Vegeta, and he fell out of that really screwed up USSJ state my mind came up with. Then Super Cell grew to be fifteen feet tall and he turned into Perfect Cell, which looked like he normally did. So Vegeta went USSJ again, but this time he didn't turn into that screwed up tree centaur, this time he looked pretty much like himself, except he had their weird extentions of his hair growing out of his back that looked like wings made out of hair. And for some reason, he turned upside down to do this transformation! They started to fight again, but that this point I went on to another part of my dream, which I don't remember. What do you think?" Ash said, speaking with his representatives.

"Wow, that's one really screwed up dream. You have a strange mind, Ash." Goku said.

"Definitely." Krillian agreed.

"Very bizzare." Brolly chimed in. It turned out that the Legendary Super Saiya-jin was much friendlier after his psychotic desire to destroy Goku was removed, which was the first thing Ash had done.

"Well, what do you think, Chaozu?" Ash asked his main representative.

"BUCK BOCK BOCK! BOCK BUCK!" Chaozu squawked, sounding exactly like a chicken. Surprise filled everyone's eyes, especially Chaozu's.

"What the…"Ash began.

"ICE QUEEN IS THE GREATEST FANFIC WRITER IN THE UNIVERSE!" Chaozu suddenly yelled. That got everyone's attention, especially Ice Queen and her side. The female Transformer-jin smirked at this sudden outburst.

"Ok, Chaozu, what's going on?" Ash asked his main representative, not very happy at Chaozu's outburst.

"Bock buck buck bock!" Chaozu said, strugging his shoulders. He appeared to be as clueless as Ash.

"You can't talk?"

"Buck bock bock." Chaozu said, nodding,

"All you can do is cluck like a chicken?"

"Bock."

"Peachy. Now I wonder who the…"

"ICE QUEEN IS THE GREATEST FANFIC WRITER IN THE UNIVERSE!" Chaozu again yelled, before clamping his hands over his mouth. Over on her side, Ice Queen collasped in laughing, utterly tickled at the apparent betreyal of Ash's representative.

"Chaozu! Stop that! It won't help the…"

"ICE QUEEN IS THE GREATEST FANFIC WRITER IN THE UNIVERSE!"

Ash made a noise of realization and aggrivation, and looked at his representative.

"The." He said.

"ICE QUEEN IS THE GREATEST FANFIC WRITER IN THE UNIVERSE!"

"Yep, I was right. ICE QUEEN, I'M GONNA KILL YOU!" Ash yelled over to the opposite side.

"It wasn't me this time, I swear! But whoever it was, I love them already! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Ice Queen yelled back, rolling on the ground in laughter.

"Another curse?" Tien asked.

"Apparently, and a mystery one at that. Apparently Chaozu can't speak at all but just squawk like a chicken, unless somebody says "the"…"

"ICE QUEEN IS THE GREATEST FANFIC WRITER IN THE UNIVERSE!"

"…Which leads to him uncontrollably yelling that. And since I don't who did this, I can't dispel the curse or direct it onto someone else like last time!" Ash said in annoyance as Chaozu again yelled the declaration he was cursed to yell every time he heard the word "the".

"Ok Chaozu. I want you to go fly off and find an isolated glen and stay there until you can speak normally again. Mystery curses don't last long."

"Buck buck." Chaozu squawked, and flew off.

"So what are we going to do now?" Krillian asked.

"I'm hungry." Goku whined. Then his eyes lit up as Ash waved his hand and a giant pile of food appeared, which he proceeded to dig into.

"Well, the kaioroke stage is nearly finished. We'll wait until it is, and then we'll test to see how well it works. Until then, we're going to wait. There are a few late entries who will be arriving soon, and while we wait for them I'm going to whip up a plan of revenge against Ice Queen's side. If some mystery person can slander me via that curse, I can slander her back just as easily! Now, let us wait, I have a list to compose." Ash said as he sat down and began writing on a sheet of paper.

Then an author fell in his lap.

"HI! AM I LATE!!??!?!?!?" VegetaMan yelled right in Ash's face. Ash reared back in surprise and fell off the rock he was sitting on, dumping VegetaMan onto the grass. The young author snickered at his sucessful freaking out of his senior as Ash got up.

"Yes you are. PERFECT CELL!" Ash yelled, and the ultimate creation of Dr. Gero walked over.

"Here's your author. Do something to occupy him, will you?" Ash grumbled. Perfect Cell opened his mouth to protest, but then Vegetaman hopped on his shoulders and began playing with his head extentions, and Perfect Cell suddenly found it might be a good idea if he did indeed do that.

"Was that the only one?" Brolly asked.

"No, there's a few more." Ash mumbled, trying to get back to his propoganda.

SSj Vegeta was sitting on her bed playing Tenchu 2. 

"Come on you idiot. Turn around. Your death awaits, heh heh heh." She said as she stared intently at the screen. After there was one less guard for her to worry about, she paused and looked at her watch. 

"Oh kuso! I'm late!" She turned off the playstation and ran up to the stairs to the computer room. She turned it on and started to type a few things. A picture of Chibi Vegeta came on her screen. 

"What the…?" She said as she touched the screen.

Then she found herself dropping through the air like a lead pigeon. 

"Well, this is interesting to say the least." She said as the wind blew through her hair and bandana as she continued to fall. 

She thought hard for a second and a parachute opened up and carried her safely to the ground. She landed in front of Ash and the parchute disappeared. Ash looked up from his list.

"Ah. You're here at last."

"Sorry I'm late." She gave a bow and looked at Chibi Vegeta who was behind him. 

"Who are you?" the pint-sized version of Vegeta asked.

"SSj Vegeta." She crossed her arms. 

"You're a GIRL?" 

"Is there a problem with that?" SSj Vegeta said crossly.

"Umm. Is that the author that picked me?" Chibi Vegeta asked Ash as he walked up to her. 

"Yeah. Go play, or something." Ash said, fully absorbed in his list. SSj Vegeta shrugged.

"C'mon, my short friend. We have a song to plan out."

"I hate singing!"

"Too bad for you."

"That just leaves one." Ash muttered to himself.

"Damn! I'm late again!" yelled Galatea, as she pushed the gear stick into fifth, and sky rocketed into yet another dimension. The Magical Ford Fiesta (estate) moaned at the increase of speed, and attempted to stall again. Galatea was so busy with the car, that she forgot to watch the road.

"Shit!" she cried, "Not ANOTHER pedestrian..." She got out of the car, and went around to find none other than Yamcha on the bonnet of her car, stunned, but otherwise in good condition.

"Excuse me, but would you mind getting off my..."

Then, she had a brilliant idea. 

"Yes! I needed someonefor the Ice Games, cause someone took Vegeta, but you'll do quite nicely!" Yamcha was still somewhat confused, so he nodded, and continued watching the little Magical Ford Fiesta (estates) flying around his head. 

Galatea flipped him off the bonnet and into the Passenger seat, then revved up the engine.

"Oh! Just a minute! Seat belts everyone! A safe car is a happy car!" They buckled in, and Galatea put her foot down to make up for lost time. Six Interdimensional speeding tickets later, they finally arrived at the Ice Games.

"Hi y'all! Did I miss anything?"

There was no reply, as all the authors were too busy writing their songs and Ash was busy writing his list. Galatea frowned.

"HEY! I'm here! I have a really cool car! PAY ATTENTION TO ME!" Galatea yelled in a whiny child's tone. Everyone continued to ignore her. Galatea "hmmppppphhhhhhed!" and yanked Yamcha out of her Magical Ford Fiesta (estate), planning to show them all.

"Ah, done." Ash said as he finished his list. He headed over to the kaioroke stage and held the paper up in front of it. With a gush of wind, it disappeared. Ash smirked.

"Perfect."

"Well, the arena is done and ready to go…what did you just do?' Krillian asked.

"I rigged it. When the first song is finished, hundreds of papers will float down with my revenge against Ice Queen. Let's see if she can play the game as well as I can."

"Well, she is an author."

"As am I. Now, the kaioroke machine must be tested."

"Lemme test it! I love to sing!" Krillian said. Ash looked over at Krillian in a vervous way as he recalled the beginning of Movie 8.

"Um, I don't know…"

"C'mon! I'll try my best!"

Ash sighed.

"Ok, but if you sing, you're going to sing this." Ash said as he waved a hand and a sheet of paper appeared in his hand. "It's a parody of Blink 182's "All The Small Things."

Krillian read the sheet and his eyes widened.

"Uh, maybe I changed my mind, I really can't sing very well…" Krillian said, trying to back away.

"No dice Krillian! You volenteered! Now get up there and sing!" Ash said, giving him a shove.

"Ok ok! But I'll need a few backup singers. Get me Goku, he likes to have fun, and…"

"WHAT!?!?!? I AM NOT SINGING WITH THAT NO-NOSED BAKA!" Vegeta yelled at Ash. Ash smirked.

"Sorry Vegeta, but each person is allowed to call on anyone they want as backup singers, excluding other authors. Krillian wanted you. So you sing. Don't forget what I can make you do if you continue to refuse."

"Hmpphhhh!" Vegeta snarled, looking very unhappy.

"However, if it makes you feel any better, the song you sing will have you making fun of Krilian." Ash said. Vegeta suddenly looked much happier with his assignment.

"People! Our first unofficial song, to test the equipment, will be sung by Krillian, Goku, and Vegeta! Hit it!" Ash said to the crowd gathered before the stage, and walked off.

*All the Small Things starts up. Krillian walks out holding a sheet. He looks a little embarassed, but he quickly gets over it and throws himself into the song.*

Krillian: I'm a "small thing"

Time should, height bring

I'll take one inch

Growing ain't a cinch!

Always, they stare

Ask how the weather is, down there! 

Watching, waiting, I'm tired of their baiting.

Krillian, Goku, and Vegeta: Say it ain't so

Why didn't I grow?

Can't turn the lights off!

I should have grown!

Oh na na na na na na!

Na na na na na na na na!

Na na na na na na na na!

Na na na na na na na na!

Krillian: So short, once bald

At least that one's solved!

My wife says she loves for who I am.

But she can reach the ceiling fan!

All: Say it ain't so.

Why didn't I grow?

Can't turn the lights off!

I should have grown!

Oh na na na na na na!

Na na na na na na na na!

Na na na na na na na na!

Na na na na na na na na! 

*By now the audience is howling with laughter, but with Krillian, and the fact that Vegeta is singing "Na na na na na na na". Goku looks like he's having a ball, and even Vegeta is getting into it.*

All: Oh say it ain't so, Why didn't I grow? I wanna be tall, everyone should know,

Just how I feel, being shorter then Steele, the fight will go on, but my height never will!

Oh say it ain't so, Why didn't I grow? I wanna be tall, everyone should know,

Just how I feel, being shorter then Steele, the fight will go on, but my height never will!

Height never will!

Height never will!

Height never…*guitar twang ends song. Applause. The three bow, then Vegeta gets off the stage as fast as he can heads back to Alias4life*

As Krillian got up from his bow, tons of paper began to drift down onto the stage and audience.

"Wha…oh, this must be Ash's propoganda." Krillian said, picking up a sheet and reading it. Everyone else was doing the same thing.

****

ICE QUEEN: EVIL INCARNATE

As you surf through the DBZ section of FF.Net, you may have noticed a tangible aura of fear coming from all the authors who write there. This evil is not anonymous. It does not come from within. This evil comes from the writer **ICE QUEEN.**

Ice Queen often neglects her writing duties so that she may commit murder.

Ice Queen, and not Mrs O'Leary's cow, started the Great Fire of Chicago.

Ice Queen, while at the same time pretending to be Goku's friend, was known to aid Freiza's plans in universal domination.

Ice Queen told George Lucas to include a peppy little character named "Jar Jar Binks" in his last film.

Ice Queen dislikes puppies, Abraham Lincoln, and your mother.

Ice Queen, on a related note, make Saiyanbrat step on a puppy.

Ice Queen often dresses as a man and puts on blackface and pretends to be Ernie Hudson, star of Ghostbusters.

Ice Queen's eyes are twice the size of normal ones, and have been known to emit death rays at small children.

Ice Queen is responsible for the surprising lack of support for the technically superior Beta VCR's.

Ice Queen is a member of the KKK, and when dressed as Ernie Hudson, the Black Panthers.

Ice Queen views the Welsh as gentically inferior.

Ice Queen frequently kills kittens and blames it on the poor.

Ice Queen frequently kills the poor and blames it on kittens.

Ice Queen uses bad alliteration.

Ice Queen, and not Napolean, lost the battle of Waterloo.

Ice Queen detonated over Hiroshima and Nagasaki in summer 1945, killing tens of thousands.

Ice Queen got off relatively easily at the Nuremburg trial.

Ice Queen played every role in SNL sketches from 93-96.

Ice Queen, while with Habitat for Humanity, secretly stole the nails out of each new home.

Ice Queen invented cancer.

Ice Queen invented the polio vaccine VACCINE.

Ice Queen gave thousands of Japanese children epileptic seizures during afternoon cartoons.

Ice Queen racked up 75 confirmed kills in Vietnam in the early 90's.

Ice Queen held the only extra set of keys to Sharon Tate's home.

Ice Queen "really liked" Biodome.

Ice Queen was dropped around the clock in Cambodia during the early 70's, devastating the countryside.

Ice Queen regularily inserts typos into everyone's sotries.

Ice Queen built the Berlin Wall.

Ice Queen proposed Stalin's 5-year "everyone starves to death" plan.

Ice Queen convinced the Polish army to invest heavily in horses in the 1920's.

Ice Queen frequently convinces ER stars and Dana Carvey to "pursue movie careers."

Ice Queen shot John Lennon.

Ice Queen did NOT shoot Yoko Ono.

Ice "Sell Sell Sell" Queen worked as a stock trader in 1929.

Ice Queen leaves porno sites in your history file.

Ice Queen refused to "checkty-check" herself, and consequently wrecked herself.

Ice Queen is not "all that", nor a bag of chips.

Ice Queen is little in middle, yet lacks much back.

Ice Queen wrote and performed every song credited to Limp Bizkit.

Ice Queen was banished to Nod after killing his brother.

Ice Queen was the Pharaoh's top advisor on Jewish affairs.

Ice Queen IS Keyser Sozke.

Ice Queen regularily transforms into a subatomic particle travelling faster then the speed of light, thus rendering previous atomic theories obsolete.

Ice Queen was Kate Moss and Calista Flockhart's dietician.

Ice Queen is "The Man" (and not in the good way either!)

Ice Queen has "999" tattooed upside-down on her butt.

Ice Queen sacked Rome.

Ice Queen is the reason we labour under the iron rule of those damn dirty apes.

Ice Queen wrote the pitifully unsuccessful Mambos 1 through 4.

Ice Queen sat on Krillian's shoulders for the first thirteen years of his life.

Ice Queen is not recommanded by five out of six doctors.

Ice Queen stole Christmas, and regularly torments all the Whos down in Whoville.

Ice Queen overflowed her banks and devastated the Sanguay region.

Ice Queen told JFK Jr that he was a "great pilot".

Ice Queen turned Smokey the Bear into the flaming leather daddy he is today.

Ice Queen convinced a young Chris Farley to 'always have seconds."

Ice Queen plans to surround the karioke stage with a labyrinth of traps, each more complex and fiendish then the last.

Ice Queen was chief mapmaker to the Chinese Revolution, and her terrible writing made a "Long March." out of what should have been "The Brisk Walk."

You know that glove that didn't fit OJ? Fits Ice Queen just fine.

And finally, Ice Queen gives me money out of her parent's saving account so I don't have to get a job and can spend all day writing lists like this!

Krillian stared at the finished list, then fell over laughing at the sheer ridiculousness of it.

"So the curse finally wore off?" As said, as he looked at the mess that was resulting from the list, mainly that everyone found it utterly hilarious because it was so far-fetched and overblown.

"Yep. What's so funny?" Chaozu asked. Ash handed him a copy of the list.

"MWA HA HA HA HA HA! Oh, she's not gonna be happy about this!" Chaozu laughed.

"Yeah, hopefully later she'll realize I was just joking. This IS all in fun. But when she firsts gets done reading it…which I estimate she will be in five…four…three…two…one…" Ash counted, looking at his watch.

Then Ice Queen's scream could be heard all over the DBZ World. A second later, all the lists burst into flame and vanished.

"ASH, I AM GONNA KILL YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Ice Queen's screamed

"Feel free to write your own propoganda, Ice CREAM, if you can. Because now…the real game begins. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA! MWAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!" Ash laughed, as he and Chaozu again did their Doctor Evil impression, complete with the pinkie finger on the corner of the mouth.

"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHHA! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA! MWAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

__

Ok, that brings me to this. Could everyone who has not sent in their song parody yet please do so as soon as possible! If you utterly can't write a parody, just write you and your characters singing a normal song and try and make it funny by whatever way you can. So far, Ice Queen (who is gonna kill me when she sees this list), SSj Vegeta, Alexh35, Vegetaman, and Silver Galaxy have sent theirs in. That leaves Mike Steele, Nahognos, Chelsee, Emeralda, Just a Thought, Alias4life, Leia3000, and Galatea. So would these people please try and finish their songs and send them to me at [_ash_bloodfire2@hotmail.com_][1]_. I'll give you another week, ten days at the most, and then I'll have to go on without you. So hurry up and send me those parodies! *flees from Ice Queen's wraith*_

   [1]: mailto:ash_bloodfire2@hotmail.com



	5. The Ice Games

**__**

The Ice Games

The stage was quiet and dark, the frantic activity that had become commonplace in its construction, not to mention all the craziness that had surrounded it in preperation for the reason of it's construction strangely absent. It was even stranger, considering the sheer number of people that sat in front of the stage.

Every single character from the DBZ world was there, no matter how small a part they had played. Various other characters from various other animes were also in the crowd. 

And then in the front was the special secion reserved for the competitors in the event that the stage was for and the activity that was strangely absent now that had come from. One side had considerably more people that were unique, and on the other side was an army of ex-child stars and strange unicorn looking creatures. Everyone was quiet.

Finally, the stage lit up, and Ash came out to the front, dressed in his usual outfit of leather complete with trenchcoat. On the other side, Ice Queen emerged. The two met, briefly locked eyes, then turned towards the people.

"Welcome to the Ice Games." The two said in unison. Then Ice Queen, abet with extreme reluctance, stepped aside, and Ash took center stage.

"Ice Queen lost the coin flip backstage, so I get to speak first." Ash said. Ice Queen stuck her tongue out at Ash.

"These games have been prepared to decide once and for all, just who the hell is right. Actually, it's more for who gets a reason to gloat, a reason which will be mine. Soon, all of you will see, and many will do and participate in, karioke skits done by representatives of both sides. Our judges will then judge the tunes, and the highest marks will decide which side wins. Ice Queen and I will also be singing in this competition, just in case our representatives aren't up to snuff." Ash said. Booing came from the side with more authors, and Ahs realized what he had just said. He sweatdropped and placed his hand behind his head in Goku-like fashion and smirked in embarrassment.

"Unfortunately, Alias4life and Emeralda were unable to get songs in on time, so I have been forced to withdraw them from this competition. This evens the odd a bit more, although I'm still going to win."

More booing came, this time from Ice Queen's side. Rotten fruit began to be tossed, but a quick wave of Ash's hand and it was swept away.

"With that, let us meet our judges." Ash said, gesturing to a small table set up in front of the stage. At the table sat Kami, King Kai, and Emma Daiou. They made gestures to indicat that they heard the people's response to them being there.

"That is all. Now let it the Ice Games begin, and good luck to you all. Now Ice Queen wants to add something, although I don't know what. Speak away, Ice CREAM."

Ice Queen hurridly pushed Ash away from the podium, but the damage had been done, as Ash's section immediately picked up a chant of "Ice Cream, Ice Cream." Ice Queen huffed in annoyance.

"Here's what I have to say." Ice Queen said.

"You know, there are times when you really have to go…number 2…if you know what I mean. And you strain and strain and feel like you're trying to shoot your guts out instead of waste that is SUPPOSED to leave your body without giving you trouble. And after seemingly an hour of agony…"

"What?" Agony said from her seat in Ash's section.

"NOT YOU! Anyway, eventually after much pain that seems to last forever, you finally get it out. But this leads to something else. You now have this big, stinking…_turd_ in your toilet."

Ice Queen paused, and in the audience looked at each other to try and figure out just what the hell she was talking about.

"Anyway, you now have this big, stinking, steaming _turd_ in your toilet bowl, and it's just floating there, and you most likely don't want it to stay there. So you take the lever, and you flush this big, stinking, steaming, slimy _turd_ down the drain."

Another pause, and more murmurs.

"But when you have finally flushed this big, stinking, steaming, slimy _turd_ down the drain, you noticed that the suction and swirling caused it to break up, and now you have this itty-bitty _nugget_ of the big, stinking, steaming, slimy _turd_ that you flushed. And no matter how many times this happens, and no matter how many times you find yourself flushing a big, stinking, steaming, slimy _turd_ down the toilet, you always find you are left with an itty bitty _nugget_ of it left. And this always happens."

Suddenly, Ice Queen whirled and pointed at Ash.

"That is what you are, Ash! You are that nugget, because you never go away! Specifically, you never go away from this issue of who's right!"

"Hey!"

"That's all." Ice Queen said, and hurried off the stage. With a look of annoyance, Ash stepped back up to the podium mike.

"Now…" Ash began.

"He's a nugget! He's a nugget!" Ice Queen's side began to chant.

"Stop that! Now, let us begin the Ice Games. Good luck to all." Ash said, and walked off stage.

There was a pause of a few minutes, and then Ash walked back on stage.

"It has occured to me that I forgot that I am singing the opening act…"

"Nugget! Nugget!"

"SHUT UP I'M NOT A NUGGET!" Ash yelled, but it only caused the chant to grow. Ash sighed and muttered into his hand.

"This is not my entry for the Ice Games." Ash said when the chant finally died down. "This is a song, I composed, or parodied more exactly, for every author here on FF.Net. It is a song to deal with the worst problem of being an author: being flamed. It's happened to all of us, stupid insults from stupid people, people who don't have a clue how to write yet think that their words will help you write better stories. Then there are the smart ones who cower behind alter names so the same fury they visit apon others will not be visited apon them. No matter who they are, they are a cancer. This is for everyone who has been victimized by them. This is my Ode Against Flamers, by Kid Rock."

The huge curtain behind Ash slid open to reveal a piano revealed by a spotlight. Ash heads over to it, sits down, adjusts mike in front of him. Then he begins to play and sing. He sings quite well, due to his author abilities.

Ash: I've been sittin' here tryin' to find an answer

To all fanfiction's worst kind of cancer

Lookin at their payback, written in my playback

And wondering why they just don't like me

I feel like number one, they say I'm last in line

I watch talent mature and hope to be great in time

But fanfiction's writing ills always seek to cause us pain

I've had so many reviews, and in them always flames

They all curse my name, say it way out loud

All of them trying to fuck with me, and then hide in the crowds

I guess that's the price you pay to be some big shot like I am

I stretch out my hand and take a stand, I may not get their love

But when their walls come tumblin' down, away they will bound…

Yeah all of them right now...

Cause while their walls come tumblin' down, I will always be around

They don't know how much we love what we do

They don't understand about the shit that some of us have been through

It's been so long since I've seen peace

It's been going on for way to long

Writing is always hit or miss

They don't have to stand above our work and piss

Well no matter what they say we must stand firm

And hope one day they get what they deserve…

Still I ain't seen that time, no I ain't seen mine

They keep trying to tear us down well its time to draw the line

So stand up and start walkin with your head held high

Those flamers will keep on squawking and only god knows why…

Only god…

Only god…

Only god knows why…

Only god knows...why why why why only god knows why…

Why…why…why…why….*getting louder* Why…why…why…WHY!?!?!?!

*All the shadows that were behind Ash and his piano explode with pyro and light up revealing Goku and Krillian on guitar, Brolly on drums, and Tien handling all the other instruments as they kick from the peaceful piano tune to an incredibly loud medley of rock instruments. Ash hops on his piano, his leather trench coat and long hair swirling around his head as Chaozu runs out in front of him. More pyro along with lights and lasers explode behind the piano as Ash rears back as if he was trying to look up without using his neck.*

Chaozu: WHO ARE YOU?

Ash: MY NAME IS AAAASSSSHHHHHH…THE WANDERER!

*song begins*

Ash: Oh yeah

We create worlds with our own two hands

And for our dreams and efforts we are damned!

Well, I will no longer stand the insults known as flames!

I will play their game

And they will know my name

I will show no shame

I live and die for this!

Time to knock you flamers off your loft,

So chew on this!

Are you scared yet?

Writing without a pause

Always back despite all the crap

That the flamers yap!

Burning hot like coals

They're a bunch of assholes

Yet their damn insults always take their toll!

They spew their garbage

Instead of some proof

That the shit they gab

Has an iota of truth!

I may have been sacked

But CM's got my back

AND I DID NOT STEAL ANYONE WHEN I WROTE THAT!

I know that I can

Play the game!

Over 800 reviews

To my name!

But those assholes will

Try to make others fry!

And they won't shut up, only god knows why

Why why why why why?

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh

I'm the Wanderer

I'm a writer in black

Middle finger in the air, what you flamers think of that?

Say Hey! Hey!

You don't know jack!

Say Hey! Hey!

Writers come on back!

And say Hey! Hey!

You flamers don't know shit!

Say Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh cut!!!!!

Chaozu: Fuck y'all.

Ash: Your critisism is a pile of shit

CC's one thing, and this ain't it!

You could give advice, you could be nice,

Instead you spew jealousy and vice!

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

We writers come from all around!

From the city of Detroit

To the lows of Motown!

You scare the newbies and insult the vets

Are we gonna take it? Wanna make a bet?

I ain't going away!

Instead I'll kick your ass!

Gonna rock your world while your flames are trashed!

Writers join the clash

Those assholes are trash

Watch them go blind as you let your brilliance flash!

Flash flash flash flash flash!

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh

I'm the Wanderer

I'm a writer in black

Middle finger in the air, what you flamers think of that?

Say Hey! Hey!

You don't know jack!

Say Hey! Hey!

Writers come on back!

And say Hey! Hey!

You flamers don't know shit!

Say Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH cut!!!!!

*Ash stops singing, but music plays on in the background faintly. During his little speech he switches from a hand held mike to a head-worn one simular to the kind Brittany Implants wears*

Ash: I've seen it all. Gratuidous insults to pseudo-intellectualism, but it's all the same. It's telling the person they're no good, telling them that they suck. Well, I won't take it any more. I'm tired of writers being driven away by you jackasses. Just shut your damn traps, and quite wasting space on FF.Net. Lady Delores, telling people to avoid anything I write."The Flamer", hiding like the coward he is behind a pseudonym, telling me I suck in a way that shows just how little ability he has to judge writing. Billy Butt, claim he wrote Consuming Madness, like his under 20 IQ could ever come up with something like that. Wouldn't You Like To Know…by just existing, what a waste of tissue. You flamers are all the same. So all writers who have been hurt or angered by flames of any kind, listen to me. I'll tell you what flamers, no matter what they say, really are. THEY-ARE-ALL…*music kicks in again*

Ignorant jackasses

Who think they kick!

They insult our works

Cause they can't write a lick!

They're like porno flicks

They ain't got no class

And they wouldn't know a good story if it bit them in the ass!

Let your heroes fly!

Feel good inside!

Let your fingers glide

I'll enjoy the ride!

Bring your ideas to share

Let talent flash and flare!

And if you get flamed show them you don't care!

Give them the boot, give them living hell

Writing ain't a sin

No matter what they yell

That's all I have to tell

You know what to do!

So give all those flamers a big FUCK YOU!

Let them blow up like Oklaholma

They don't know a thing,

FF.Net's our home-a!

They may smell an aroma

But they'll never get it

Our works only stink,

CAUSE WE'RE THE SHIT! (Shit, shit, shit, shit)

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh…

*Ash leaps on top of the piano he was singing on, and suddenly all the authors that have sided with him appear in explosions of pyro, all dressed in leather outfits that are simular to his. They all sing along with him, all doing synchronized motions in tune with the music that could be looked apon as a kind of dancing*

All: He's the Wanderer

He's a writer in black

Middle finger in the air, what you flamers think of that?

Say Hey! Hey!

You don't know jack!

Say Hey! Hey!

Writers come on back!

And say Hey! Hey!

The flamers don't know shit!

Say Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

*More pyro, lights, and lasers as the piano splits apart into a platform that levitates upward as the music builds to a climax*

OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH YYYYYYYAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

All: We're the writers!

Bad asses in black!

Singin' Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

We can do anything and that's a fact!

So say Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

We put FF.Net on the map!

So sing Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

Ash: You're gonna lose Ice Queen.

And we both know that!

*Music comes to an end with one final big explosion of pyro. Ash hops down to where all his fellow writers are, and they all bow and leave to wild applause, even from Ice Queen's side*

"Eh, that wasn't so bad." Ice Queen said, as she watched Ash and his fellow authors, which had taken advantage of the noise and brillance of the performance to sneak on stage and do their combined effort.

"Ice, what are you talking about? That was brilliant! That wasn't even his en-" Nappa said in a panic before Ice Queen clamped a hand over his mouth.

"Shaddap you, before I have you neutered! Ours is just as good!" Ice Queen hissed. "Anyway, this contest has just begun. Let's see what everyone else involved has."

"I am not singing that!" 

"You are and you have no choice!" SSJ Vegeta said, as she played with her bangs that weren't covered by her bandana. 

"There is no way I'm an going to humiliate myself like that!" 

"I don't care. If I have to sing it so do you." She dragging him towards the stage. 

"You realize that the adult Vegeta is going to kill you for that one line you wrote." 

"I know. Let's get this over and done with." 

"ARRGH!!" Chibi Vegeta wailed as Ice Queen watched him be dragged on stage.

"You are singing it the way I told you or your going to regret it!" She glared at him. 

"And now, our first entry. SSJ Vegeta and her representative, Chibi Vegeta!" said a generic voice over a speaker.

The Back Street Boys came on as back up singers. Chibi Vegeta and SSj Vegeta adjusted the mics and started to sing in high pitched voices. 

"Oh my baby my baby she don't want me no more (morreee) 

Ever since she saw him at the party next door. 

She saws the way he grinds his molars is really sexy 

She thinks he's so darn dysfunctional and Generation X-yyy 

She likes his brooding look and wild eating 

Yeah, he's her very favorite slacker multi-eater 

Well, my baby's in love with Yajirobeee (Yajirobe) 

She's all crazy 'bout that Yajirobee 

Once she was mine but I'd better forget herrr 

'Cause my baby's in love with Yajirobe (Yajirobe) 

Now every time I see him, well, he looks so gayyy 

I guess it really must suck to be a warrior like him 

What a pain in the butt to have so little successsss 

Spending all his time moping and calling the pressss 

But my girl can't get enough of his fattened demeanor 

Like he's some big tortured genius 

And I'm some kind of wiener (wiener) 

Well my baby's in love with Yajirobee 

She's got a thing for that Yajirobee 

Tell me, what can he do that I can't do better? 

Now my baby's in love-- 

I said I said my baby's in love with Yajirobee(Yajirobe) 

Heads over heels for that Yajirobee 

I can't believe it, now she's knitting him a sweater 

'Cause my baby's in love with Yajirobee(Yajirobe) 

I knew we were heading for daasasterrrr 

When she caught me hangin' out at thee 

Now she's got an unrequited adorationnn 

For the frustrated, agitated, designated alienated 

spokesman for the disaffected fighting generation (generation!) 

Well, I dont wear and I don't wear gi's (gi's) 

And I don't boycott the stupid news channel 

And I can't compete with that fat and shame 

Yeah, well, let's just see how jealous she'll get 

When I start stalking Bulma Briefs (Bulma Briefs) 

Well, my baby's in love with Yajirobe (Yajirobe) 

She's all crazy 'bout that Yajirobe 

Once she was mine, now I'd better just forget her 

'Cause my baby's in love with-- 

I said I sais my baby's in love with Yajirobe 

Why'd she fall for that Yajirobe? 

If she want's to leave me, I guess I better let her 

'Cause my baby's in love with Yajirobee!!!!!" (Yajirobe!!!) 

*The two fall to their knees and bow their heads. The curtain falls. SSj Vegeta walked off the stage slowly while Chibi Vegeta ran off it like a bat out of you know where. The Back Street Boys disappeared back to where ever they came from.*

"Ok, I went and got you that damn drink. Did I miss anything?" Vegeta asked Nahognos as he handed him a coke.

"Nothing at all." Nahognos said, as he sipped from his drink.

"And the scores are in…" the generic annoucer, hereby known as the GA, as the three judges held up cards.

"SSJ Vegeta-6, 7, 6.5. That is all. Now, we shall have the next entry, Alexh35 and her representative, Chibi Trunks!"

"Ok Chibi, you ready?" alexh35 asked her small partner as the walked on stage

"I still say this is stupid," he muttered as he grabbed the mike. "This song involves a dance number. Saiyan Alive!" 

Backstage, Vegeta spat out the Pepsi HE was drinking.

"WHAT? WHAT IS HE SINGING?"

Alexh35 snapped her fingers and the stage turned pitch black. A spotlight appeared above a beat up old Jukebox. She put a quarter in and pressed a button. It crackled a bit before starting into a slow old waltzing song. 

"That's not right," she muttered. "Oh! I hit the wrong button!" she gave it a firm kick and it shook a minute before starting up again. 

Suddenly two spotlights appeared on Chibi Trunks standing with his back to everyone else and in swirling fog on the ground. Rows of colourful dancers stood in the back round all dressed in bright hippie clothes. He whirled around as the music started. Alexh35 had to choke a laugh at his blinding white 70' suit. Vegeta, backstage, was not so lucky and was soon rolling on the floor. Onstage, Chibi Trunks glared at his author and then started singing. The dancers behind him started doing a fast paced hustle line dance. 

Well, you can tell by the way I use my walk, 

I'm a woman's man: no time to talk. 

Music loud and women warm, I've been kicked around 

since I was born. 

And now it's all right. It's OK. 

And you may look the other way. 

We can try to understand 

the Dragonballs effect on man. 

Whether you're a brother or whether you're a mother, 

you're a Saiyan alive, Saiyan alive. 

Feel the city breakin' and everybody shakin', 

and we're Saiyan alive, Saiyan alive. 

Ah, ha, ha, ha, Saiyan alive, Saiyan alive. 

Ah, ha, ha, ha, Saiyan alive. 

Well now, I get low and I get high, 

and if I can't get either, I really try. 

Got the wings of heaven on my shoes. 

I'm a fightin' man and I just can't lose. 

You know it's all right. It's OK. 

I'll live to see another day. 

We can try to understand 

the Dragonballs effect on man. 

Whether you're a brother or whether you're a mother, 

you're Saiyan alive, Saiyan alive. 

Feel the city breakin' and everybody shakin', 

and we're Saiyan alive, Saiyan alive. 

Ah, ha, ha, ha, Saiyan alive, Saiyan alive. 

Ah, ha, ha, ha, Saiyan' alive. 

Life goin' nowhere. Somebody help me. 

Somebody help me, yeah. 

Life goin' nowhere. Somebody help me. 

Somebody help me, yeah. Saiyan alive. 

Well, you can tell by the way I use my walk, 

I'm a woman's man: no time to talk. 

Music loud and women warm, 

I've been kicked around since I was born. 

And now it's all right. It's OK. 

And you may look the other way. 

We can try to understand 

the New York Times' effect on man. 

Whether you're a brother or whether you're a mother, 

you're Saiyan alive, Saiyan alive. 

Feel the city breakin' and everybody shakin', 

and we're Saiyan alive, Saiyan alive. 

Ah, ha, ha, ha, Saiyan alive, Saiyan alive. 

Ah, ha, ha, ha, Saiyan alive. 

Life goin' nowhere. Somebody help me. 

Somebody help me, yeah. 

Life goin' nowhere. Somebody help me, yeah. I'm a Saiyan alive! 

Chibi struck the classic Johnny T pose to the delight of alexh35 as the song ended. He glared at her as she barely managed to snap her fingers to make the dancers, Jukebox, fog and the spotlights disappear as the curtain closed to applause

"Excuse me," he walked over to her a scowl on his face. "I believe I wasn't wearing this." 

"Oh yeah!" she grinned then made the white outfit disappear.

"Not the best parody, and she didn't sing. I think the judges are going to dock her for that." Chaozu remarked to Ash as they sat backstage and watched.

"Don't say that. They all tried their best. Chelsee did her parody even though she had recently sprained her ankle. To me, they all get tens, even if the authors forget the were also supposed to sing."

"The marks for Alexh35's entry…5, 6, 7.75. That is all. Now, welcome the next author, Vegetaman and her representative, Perfect Cell!"

"Let's see if he can get perfect marks." Chaozu quipped.

"Bad pun Chaozu."

"What the hell!" Cell screeched. "You, VegetaMan, want me to get up there and sing about that son of a…"

"Watch it." VegetaMan advised. "I have author powers, remember?" VegetaMan waved a little notebook in the air. "Now sing, before you find yourself trapped in a room full of Vegeta clones." 

"Damn you." Cell said sullenly as they walked onstage. A familiar bopping-esque tune started up as the two began to sing.

May I have your attention please? 

May I have your attention please? 

Will the real Prince Vegeta please stand up? 

I repeat will the real Prince Vegeta please stand up? 

We're going to have a problem here 

(Verse 1) 

Ya'll act like you never seen a Saiyajin before 

Jaws all on the floor like Goku like Chi Chi just burst in the door 

Started chewin him out worse than before 

They first get divorced throwing him over furniture (scream) 

It's the return of the… 

"Oh wait, no way, you're kidding, he didn't just say what I think he did, did he?" 

And Freeza said 

....Nothing you idiots Freeza's dead, he's trapped in HFIL(haha) 

Feminist women love Z Senshi 

Chicka chicka chicka Prince Vegeta I'm sick of him 

look at him, walking around grabbing his you know what 

limpin' to you know who "Yeah, but hes so cute though" 

Yea I probably got some ki up in my head loose 

But no worse than what's going on in Buu's stomach 

Sometimes I wanna get on FN and just let loose, 

But can't, but its cool for Funi to hump a dead moose 

My fist is in your face, my fist is in your face 

And if I'm lucky you ain't gonna bleed on me 

And that's the message that we deliver to little kids 

And expect them not to know what death really is 

Of course they gonna know what death is 

By the time they hit 4th grade, 

They got the action channel don't they? 

We ain't nothing but Saiyajins; well some of us Nameks 

Who don't eat nothin but drink water. 

But if we can only drink water and kill enemies 

Then there's no reason that Funi has to censor DBZ 

But if you feel like I feel I got the antidote. 

Saiyajins raise your ki and how does it go? 

Cause I'm Prince Vegeta 

Yes I'm the real Vegeta 

All you other Prince Vegetas are just imitating 

So won't the real Prince Vegeta... 

Please stand up, Please stand up, Please stand up 

Because I'm Prince Vegeta 

Yes I'm the real Vegeta 

All you other Prince Vegetas are just imitating 

So won't the real Prince Vegeta... 

Please stand up, Please stand up, Please stand up 

(Verse 2) 

Pokemon don't gotta cuss in their anime to sell episodes 

Well I do, so Final Flash him and Big Bang Attack you too. 

You think I give a damm about a Funi? 

Half of you fans can't even stomach me, let alone stand me. 

"But Vegeta what if u win wouldn't it be weird?" 

Why? So you guys can just lie to get me here? 

So you can sit me here next to Pikachu. 

Charmander better switch me chairs 

So I can sit next to Goku and Janenba 

And hear 'em argue over who he knocked out first. 

Little fool put me on Toonami on Cartoon Network 

"Yeah he's cute but I think he's married to Bulma, hehe" 

I should ki blast her on Vegeta-Sei 

And show the whole world how you gave Z Senshi V.D.(scream) 

I'm sick of you little trainer and monster animes all you do is annoy me 

So I've been sent here to destroy you 

And theres a million of us just like me 

Who fight like me 

Who ki ball like me 

Who dress like me 

Walk, talk and act like me 

It just might be the next best thing 

But not quite me 

I'm Prince Vegeta 

Yes I'm the real Vegeta 

All you other Prince Vegetas are just imitating 

So won't the real Prince Vegeta... 

Please stand up, Please stand up, Please stand up 

Because I'm Prince Vegeta 

Yes I'm the real Vegeta 

All you other Prince Vegetas are just imitating 

So won't the real Prince Vegeta... 

Please stand up, Please stand up, Please stand up 

(Verse 3) 

I'm like a headtrip to fight with 

Cause I'm only giving you 

Crap you joke about with your enemies on the battlefield 

The only difference is I got the power to kill you/ 

And I don't gotta be nice or show mercy at all 

I just get in the air and fire it 

And whether you like to admit it (boom) 

I just throw it better than 90% of you fighters out there 

Then you wonder how can kidz eat up these episodes like valiums. 

It's funny cuz at the rate im going when I'm 30 

I'll be the only person in the nursing home angry. 

Killin nurses when I'm jackin' off with capsules and I'm jerking 

But this whole censorship thing isn't working 

And every single person is a Prince Vegeta lurkin' 

He could be workin at Capsule Corp. spitten in your capsules 

Or in the parking lot circling 

Screaming Big Bang Attack 

With his windows down and system up 

So will the real Prince Vegeta, please stand up 

And put one of those ki blasts on each hand up 

And to be proud to be outta your mind and outta control 

And one more time, loud as you can, how does it go? 

I'm Prince Vegeta 

Yes I'm the real Vegeta 

All you other Prince Vegetas are just imitating 

So won't the real Prince Vegeta... 

Please stand up, Please stand up, Please stand up 

Because I'm Prince Vegeta 

Yes I'm the real Vegeta 

All you other Prince Vegetas are just imitating 

So won't the real Prince Vegeta... 

Please stand up, Please stand up, Please stand up!

The song ended and the applause was loud. Vegetaman and Perfect Cell bowed and walked off stage.

"Hey, that was actually kinda fun." Perfect Cell said as he and Vegetaman walked past their applauding companions.

"Very good parody! The best yet! It was just lacking in one thing: rhythm." Ash said to Vegetaman.

"What? Rhythm?"

"Yeah. You excellently parodied Slimy Shady, but it didn't have the flow of the original. It had simular sounding words like "shady" and "imitating" which gave it a smooth flow. Yours didn't. It's a small thing, but it will cost you some marks though."

"Results are in." the GA said. "VegetaMan's Entry- 7.5, 8, 9."

"Highest marks yet, and we haven't even had an entry by Ice Queen!" Chaozu whooped.

"Yeah, she's got some great talent. But we shall see who is still standing!" Ash muttered.

"Next entry, please welcome Silver Galaxy, and her representative, Mirai no Trunks!"

"Silver Galaxy, I refuse to do this!" Trunks complained as they walked on stage.

Trunks." Silver Galaxy glared at her representative icily. "You're going to sing it!" 

Mirai Trunks reeled back at the look in Silver Galaxy's eyes.... It was a look of pure amusement... Usually what his past self had plastered on his face... Trunks knew what this meant, and he didn't want to live it. Knowing what she was thinking was bad enough! 

"Fine. I'll sing it!"

Silver Galaxy smirked. That little plan never failed. With a shrug, she looked away from Trunks. The smirk grew wider and wider as Mirai Trunks' scream was heard by everyone in the Ice Games. 

"Purple is a nice color for you, Trunks. Did you know that?" Silver Galaxy smirked.

Trunks stared down at himself with wide eyes. He was dressed as Barney, the Dinosaur from Hell! 

"Silver!" he shrieked incredulously. "I did what you said! And you promised me no more stuff like...like…_this_! You _promised_!" 

With a giggle, Silver Galaxy shoved a microphone against his chest. 

"Nice and loud now, Trunks. Let's do this." 

Trunks was still horrified at what his author had done to him. She was suppose to obsessed with him! In love! Swooning over him! Yet, here she was... turning him into _Barney_! He stared agape at his cruel author. _Must be in a bad mood..._

With a grumble, Silver Galaxy and himself began singing when the music cued. 

Trunks and SG: I hate you! You hate me! 

We're a freakin' Z-senshi! 

With a great big ki blast, 

and a punch from me to y--" 

The music stopped abruptly as Silver Galaxy motioned.

"CUT!" Silver Galaxy interrupted, throwing another glare at Barney-clad Mirai no Trunks. 

"Dance to it! You have to dance!" 

"Nani?! Kami...no...!" Trunks whined. But Silver Galaxy would not back down, and with a curse, he nodded in defeat. 

"Alright," Silver Galaxy said with exasperation. "Let's try this again!" The music started, once again, and Trunks started to simply bob up and down as they began singing. 

Trunks and SG: I hate you! You hate me! 

We're a fre—

"OK, THAT'S IT!" Ash yelled as he stormed on stage as the music cut off. 

"What? What did I do, Ash?" Silver Galaxy asked as Ash pushed Mirai no Trunks aside. With the yelp, Mirai no Trunks fell over from the weight of the costume.

"No Barney! It's in the small print!" Ash said as he handed a contract to Silver Galaxy. She stared at it.

"Have yee a microscope, NUGGET?" she asked Ash. Ash glowered at her, and the glower increased as the audience again took up the chant.

"He's a nugget! He's a nugget!"

"SHUT UP I'M NOT A NUGGET!" Ash yelled. "It's right HERE, SG. The end result is you sing something else! K?" Ash said, and before Silver Galaxy could reply he whirled and stormed off the stage, the nugget chant following him the whole time.

Meanwhile, Trunks had finally gotten to his feet when he saw that Silver Galaxy was glowering at him. "What is it now?" 

"Screw this. Ash says no Barney, and besides, you can't dance!" 

"Silver Galaxy, I don't sing. I don't dance. I wave my sword around, chop up Frieza and go back in time to save my friends! I don't do what you want me to do!" Mirai Trunks said apologetically. "I want to win points for our team just as much as you do, but you ask too much!" The apologetic voice left, and was replaced by a slightly angry tone. "And I also don't do Barney."

Silver Galaxy understood. _Don't dance...don't sing... Does he rap?_

"C'mere!"

After a short huddle between the two, they stood up straight. Trunks was no longer dressed as Barney, and hey were both smiling. With a snap of her fingers, music to Eminem's "Stan" came from no where.

"Eminem again…I am really started to dislike Marshall Mathers…" Ice Queen muttered offstage. 

"We're gonna kick their asses!" Trunks said with determination. He gasped when he caught sight of something small and furry off to the side. "Wow... a cat!"

Silver Galaxy paused the music and looked at what Trunks was staring at. 

"Yeah. A cat. Your grandpa has a cat. Big freakin' deal."

Trunks dropped to his knees and pointed at the cat again. 

"His cat's ugly! This one's kawaii! Hey, c'mere..." Trunks smiled as the cat walked up to him. Trunks placed the cat on his shoulder happily. He had a cat now! "Okay, I'm ready now."

Silver Galaxy giggled at the sight. Who knew? She always thought he had a thing for squirrels... With another giggle, she started the music once again and began to sing.

"My Mountain Dew..er...tea's..er hey! This isn't Trunks Muyo!" Silver Galaxy said as the music ground to a halt again. She went through her script and made a few changes, and then motioned for the song to start up yet again.

SG: My sake's gone cold, 

I'm wondering why I got out of bed at all. 

The morning rain clouds up my time machine, 

and I can't see at all. 

And even if I could it'll all be Trunks, 

But your GT version in my head…

and the Mirai Trunks picture on the wall. 

It reminds me that he's not so bad. He's not so bad..." 

"Dear Krillin, I wrote but you still ain't callin'…" Mirai Trunks began just before Silver Galaxy was finished her verse. The music stopped yet again

Hey, not yet! You don't have Eminem in your timeline do you?" Silver Galaxy hissed as the music stopped yet again

Trunks shook his head. "No...Juuhachigou killed him..."

With a curse, Silver Galaxy started up again. 

SG: My sake's gone cold, 

I'm wondering why I got out of bed at all. 

The morning rain clouds up my time machine, 

and I can't see at all. 

And even if I could it'll all be Trunks, 

but your GT version in my head…

and the Mirai Trunks picture on the wall. 

It reminds me that he's not so bad. He's not so bad..." 

There was silence. 

"Trunks!" Silver Galaxy hissed, nudging him. 

"Oh.." Trunks rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. He tried not to blush, but he did. Shrugging it off, he started rapping. 

Trunks: Dear Krillin, I wrote but you still ain't callin'! 

I left my cell', my pager, and my home timeline at the bottom. 

Isent two letters back in Autumn, you must notta got 'em. 

There probably was a problem at the post office or somethin'.

Sometimes I scribble addresses too sloppy when I jot 'em. 

But anyways, fuck it. What's been up, man, how's your daughter?

My mom in this timeline is pregant. She's about to have a kid. 

If I have a sister in the past, guess what I'mma get my past parentsto call her?

I'mma get'em ta name her Marron... Tousan probably won't go for it, though.

I read about your friend Goku, too. I'm sorry. 

I had all my friends kill themselves over some androids who didn't want'em. 

I know you probably hear this everyday, but I'm your biggest fan. 

I even got the underground shit that you did with Gohan. 

I got a room full of your gi's and your pictures, man. 

I like the shit you did with Yamcha too. That shit was phat.

Anyways, I hope you get this, man. 

Hit me back, just to chat, truly yours, your biggest funky fan. 

This is Mirai Trunksy-chan." 

Silver Galaxy: My sake's gone cold, 

I'm wondering why I got out of bed at all. 

The morning rain clouds up my time machine, 

and I can't see at all. 

And even if I could it'll all be Trunks, 

but your GT version in my head…

and the Mirai Trunks picture on the wall. 

It reminds me that he's not so bad. He's not so bad..."

Trunks looked to Silver Galaxy for a nod, and when he got one, he started rapping: 

Trunks: Dear Krillin, you still ain't called or wrote. 

I hope you have a chance. I ain't mad; 

I just think it's screwed..er..fucked up you don't answer frie..uh..fans..er..friends..er..me...er..whatever. 

If you didn't wanna talk to me outside your battle, you didn't have to. 

But you coulda signed an autograph for Chibi Trunks....

Suddenly, Trunks stopped with a scream. 

"AH! OW! SHIMATTA!" Trunks grabbed at the cat digging its sharp claws into his shoulder and threw it to Silver Galaxy. 

"Hey! I don't want it! It's your beloved cat, Trunks!" Silver Galaxy threw it back to Trunks. Trunks looked at the cat, and screamed when it bit him. _Hard_. 

"Ow! It's evil! I think it's Satan's cat!" 

Silver Galaxy took that under consideration. With a shrug, the cat disappeared from Mirai Trunks' hands.

"Where did it go?" he asked, confusion etched into his face.

"If it's Mr. Satan's cat, then it should go back to him." Silver Galaxy grinned. The cat would actually be able to hurt Mr. Satan... 

Silver Galaxy chuckled. "Hey, Trunks, the song."

"Right..." Trunks murmured, glad that the cat was gone. 

Mirai Trunks: That's my past self. Man, he's only six years old. 

We waited in the blistering cold for you for four hours, and you just said no. 

That's pretty shitty. Man, you're like his fuckin' idol. He wants to be just like you. 

Man, he likes you more than I do! I ain't that mad though; I just don't like bein' lied to. 

Remember when we met in Satan City? You said if I write you, you would write back.

See, I'm just like you in a way. I never knew my father in the future neither. 

He used to always yell at my mom and insult her. 

I can relate to what you're sayin' in your songs. 

So when I have a shitty day, I drift away and put 'em on.

'Cause I don't really got some thing else; so that shit helps when I'm depressed.

I even got a tattoo of your name across the ass...er..chest. Yeah! Chest! 

Whoops... Sometimes I even cut myself to see how much it bleeds. 

It's like adrenaline; the pain is such a sudden rush for me. 

See, everything you say is real and I respect you 'cause you tell it. 

My girlfriend's jealous 'cause I talk about you twenty-four seven. 

But she don't know you like I know you, Krillin. No one does! 

She don't know what it was like for people like us growin' up. 

You gotta call me, man, I'll be the biggest fan you'll ever lose. 

Sincerely yours, Mirai Trunks. P.S. We should be together too....WHAT?!"

Silver Galaxy: My sake's gone cold, 

I'm wondering why I got out of bed at all.

The morning rain clouds up my time machine, 

and I can't see at all. 

And even if I could it'll all be Trunks, 

but your GT version in my head...

and the Mirai Trunks picture on the wall. 

It reminds me that he's not so bad. He's not so bad..."

Mirai Trunks: "Dear Mr. I'm-Too-Good-To-Call-Or-Write-My-Fans, 

This'll be the last package I ever send your ass! 

It's been six months and still no word. I don't deserve it! 

I know you got my last two letters; I wrote the addresses on 'em perfect!

So this is my cassette I'm sendin' you; I hope you hear it. 

I'm in the time machine right now; I'm doin' ninety on the space-time continuum! 

Oi, Krillin, I drank a fifth of sake. You dare me to time travel?

You know the song by Phil Collins, "In the Air Tonight"? 

About that guy who coulda saved that other guy from drownin', but didn't. 

Then Phil saw it all; then at his show he found him. That's kinda how this is!

You coulda rescued me from drownin'! Now it's too late! 

I'm on a thousand downers now! I'm drowsy.

And all I wanted was a lousy letter or a call... 

I hope you know I ripped all of your pictures off the wall! 

I love you, Krillin! We coulda been together!

Think about it! You ruined it now! 

I hope you can't sleep and you dream about it! 

And when you dream, I hope you can't sleep

And you scream about it! 

I hope your conscience eats at you and you can't breathe without me!

See Krillin... Shut up, beotch, I'm tryin' to talk! 

Hey, Krillin, that's my girlfriend screamin' in the trunk... 

Trunks smirked, interrupting the song for a moment. 

"Cool. That's me. I'm Trunks! Oh. Wrong trunks. Whoops." With a small laugh, he started up where he left off.

Mirai Trunks: But I didn't Destructo Disc her throat. I just tied her up. 

See, I ain't like you. 'Cause if she suffocates, she'll suffer more and then she'll die too! 

Well, gotta go, I'm almost at the edge of time now! 

Oh shit, I forgot! How am I supposed to send this shit out?!"

Silver Galaxy: My sake's gone cold, 

I'm wondering why I got out of bed at all. 

The morning rain clouds up my time machine, 

and I can't see at all. 

And even if I could it'll all be Trunks, 

but your GT version in my head...

and the Mirai Trunks picture on the wall. 

It reminds me that he's not so bad. He's not so bad..."

Mirai Trunks: Dear Mirai Trunks, I meant to write you sooner, but I just been busy. 

You said your mom's pregnant now. How far along is she? 

Look, I'm really flattered you would try to get your parents to call your past sister that. 

And here's an autograph for your past self. I wrote it on a gi. 

I'm sorry I didn't see you at the battle. I musta missed you. 

Don't think I did that shit intentionally just to diss you.

But what's this shit you said about you like to cut your wrists, too? 

I say that shit just clownin', dog. Come on, how fucked up is you? 

You got some issues, Trunks. I think you need some counselin'

to help your ass frombouncin' off the walls when you get down some. 

And what's this shit about us meant to be together? 

That type of shit'll make me not want us to meet each other. 

I really think your dad and your mom need each other. 

Or maybe he just needs to treat her better? 

I hope you get to readthis letter; I just hope it reaches you in time before you hurt yourself. 

I think that you'll be doin' just fine if you relax a little. I'm glad I inspire you. 

But Trunks, why are you so mad? Try to understand that I do want you as a friend. 

I just don't want you to do some crazy shit!

I seen this one shit on the news a couple weeks ago that made me sick. 

Some guy was drunk, and flew his time machine over the edge of time! 

And had his girlfriend in the trunk! 

And in the time machine they found a tape, but they didn't say who it was to. 

Come to think about, his name was Mirai Trunks. It was you. Damn... 

The music finally came to the end. Even wilder applause from the audience from any other number drifted to them. Silvery Galaxy smirked and bowed. Mirai Trunks did the same.

Suddenly, his jaw dropped. 

"Look, Silver! A dog! We don't have dogs in my timeline!"

Silver Galaxy grabbed Mirai Trunks and pulled him away from the dog. It was quite a big dog! 

"Trunks, uh...it's…Buu's dog! He'll eat you if you touch him! Remember?" 

"No... Alternate timeline. Remember?" said Trunks, still staring at the dog.

"Oh. Yeah. Oh well." And Mirai Trunks and Silver Galaxy then walked off the stage.

"Good job! Best one yet! Thay should get high marks!" Ash said.

"The marks for Silver Galaxy…8, 10, 8.9."

"Whoo hoo! In your face Ice Queen!" Chaozu yelled over to his author's main nemesis. Ice Queen growled back.

"Why did everyone side with him? Even after alias4life and Emeralda had to drop out, we're still outnumbered two, nearly three to one. If only there was some way to even out the odds…"

Without her knowledge, Nappa was hiding around the corner, listening to every word.

"Even out the odds? I'll do just that, Ice Queen."

"The judges will now take a short break. The contest will resume in fifteen minutes." The GA said, as the judges filed away from the table and headed backstage. The crowd took the time to use the facilities, buy snacks, argue with one another, and for the authors, prepare their own entries for later.

"Ok! We're up next Yamcha!" Galatea said. "You ready?"

Yamcha has spent the whole time up til now, eyeing up all the girls he sees, and it is beginning to get on Galatea's nerves... and she's jealous, but won't say so. 

"YAMCHA! Get ready! We're going up soon!"

"Gotcha Galatits…er, tea…"

WHACK!

"Ow…where did you get that frying pan?"

"Borrowed it from Chi-Chi. Now behave!"

"Heh heh heh." Nappa chuckled, as he manipulated ropes behind a backdrop near Galatea and Yamcha. "This should reduce ASS's ally count by one!"

With that, Nappa yanked on a rope.

A sand bag suddenly plummeted downward towards Galatea.

"Hey, I almost forgot!" Galatea suddenly said, as she turned around and walked away.

At the same time, the Generic Announcer walked onto where Galatea had just been standing, mopping his forehead with a hankerchief.

WHACK!

"Oh kami dammit, I missed! I need to work on my aim!" Nappa cursed, as he skulked off.

"What happened?" Ash asked, as the GA was loaded off in an ambulance.

"Sandbag fell on his head. Terrible." Ice Queen said. "Now who's gonna do the annoucing?"

Ash walked out onto the stage, looking rather displeased, as the judges filed back to their table.

"NUGGET! NUGGET!" the crowd chanted.

"I AM NOT A NUGGET! Anyway, due to an accident, I am now doing the annoucing as well. Fine, if I'm stuck doing this, might as well ham it up."

A microphone lowered itself in front of Ash, and he took it and began doing his best Micheal Buffer impression.

"IN THIS CORNER…Weighing something, I don't know how much, at some level of height, Galatea, and her representative, Yamcha!" Ash said, and left in a swirl of his jacket.

Galaea comes on stage, dragging Yamcha. But Goku has gotten a taste for fame and karaoke, and found he's liked it. Thus, he follows Galatea up onto the stage. Galatea sighed. Apparently the five minutes she had spend yakking with the Ever Clueless One hadn't made him get the message.

"Goku, we really don't need anyone for this piece..."

"Aaw, please? Can't I be a dancer? Please?"

"Hmm, well, I suppose, seeing as it is a country song... you can do the line dancing, I guess..." replied Galatea.

Then an evil grin crossed Galatea's face.

"Actually…Vegeta! I think Goku needs some extra help!"

"WHAT? NO %$(*% WAY! I'M NOT…" Vegeta began to protest, before he felt someone tap him on the shoulder. He turned around to see Ash behind him holding up a pair of Care Bear underwear.

"Seeing how your author had to drop out, you may as well be of some use, Veggie-head. So go out and help, or else…" Ash said with a short pause. "Wooga wooga."

"Grrrrrr…" Vegeta said, as he sulked up on stage next to the smiling Goku "You're just still trying to get me back for swearing in your fanfiction..."

"Oh yeah! I forgot about that! I was just doing this to humiliate you... but that's a useful grudge..." Galatea chuckled.

"Damn..."Vegeta cursed. "Me and my big trap…"

Galatea steps up to the microphone.

"Hello! Well... here is a performance by Yamcha and me...well... I wrote most of it... he just sat around being a useless piece of..."

"Anyway!" says Yamcha, swiping the microphone before Galatea could finish. "Here goes..."

And the music starts, a familiar Shania Twain song.

Yamcha: I'm going out tonight!

Galatea: And yes, he's on a plight...

Yamcha: I'm gonna let it all hang out!

Galatea: *Thinking* Please don't! Chauvanist...pig...grr...

Yamcha: I'm gonna make some noise,

Galatea: No, we don't have a choice.

Yamcha: I'm gonna make them scream and shout!

Galatea: In pain...

Yamcha: No inhibition, because I'm on a mission...

Galatea: To grope every girl that he finds!

Yamcha: I ain't gonna use no sexual protection? 

*Yamcha trails off at the words, and then looks at Galatea who is grinning evilly again, because she didn't show him the words before getting him to sing the song.*

Galatea: Because he simply won't have time!

Yamcha: The best thing about being a pimp is... *Is looking angrier now*

Galatea: The fact that nobody cares if you die?

Yamcha: Hey!

Galatea: Oh, oh, oh. Are you crazy?

Yamcha: Ha! You ain't no lady...

Galatea: No shirt! Big flirt!

Yamcha: Oh, oh, oh! At least when I flirt, I do it with some style *Looks meaningfully at Galatea*

Galatea: Oh, no, no!

Yamcha: I want some action!

Galatea: You'll need some 'attraction'!

Yamcha: *Ignoring Galatea, and pulling the microphone away from her* Watch the girls stare, play 'Truth or Dare?'

Galatea: *Grabs back the microphone* He just wants to be free to feel what he can feel!

Yamcha: Damn! Don't act like such a woman!

*In between verses, the mike picks up Yamcha and Galatea argueing*

Galatea: I am one, you dick!

Yamcha: I can't believe you wrote these words! What do you take me for?

Galatea: A flirtatious, evil pimp!

Yamcha: You are such a bitch! I'm gonna finish the song without you!

Galatea: Over my dead body! 

*Galatea kicks Yamcha in the nuts, and the music starts up again as Galatea continues singing, and Yamcha grops at himself, trying to ease the pain*

Galatea: Man, I need a break!

Yamcha: In several places!

Galatea: Would you shut the HFIL up? Anyway... Umm... Tonight I think I'll take, the chance to kick your ass out of town! There won't be no romance...

Goku: *interrupting* When do I get to dance?

Galatea: Not yet, so go and sit down! *Goku walks off glumly*

Galatea: The best thing about being a...

Yamcha: Harlot!

Galatea: *Advancing on Yamcha* Is having the chance to kick Yamcha's ass! *Attacks him*

Yamcha: Ow, ow, ow! What, are you crazy? Act like a lady!

Galatea: No way, hos-ay! Oh, oh, oh! I'm gonna go wild.

Yamcha: Stop acting like a child! *Gets attacked again* Ow, ow, ow!

Goku: Can I dance yet?

Galatea: What the Hell, you bet!

Goku: Yay!

Vegeta: *Watching Goku doing the line dance with disgust* No way am I doing that!

Galatea: But you have to! Ash said...

Vegeta: Stuff the rules! I want some action! Some satisfaction! I'm gonna be free, and kick all your asses! *Grabs the microphone as he sings the song, and knocks Galatea and Yamcha over...*

Galatea: That's not in the song! It doesn't even rhyme!

Vegeta: Who cares? I'm taking over! *starts singing* 

The best thing about being a Saiyan, 

is the perogative to blow up stupid humans! 

Oh, oh, oh! They're driving me crazy! 

Especially that 'lady' *Points to pissed off Galatea* 

Big mouth, big pout! 

Oh, oh, oh! I've got this task, 

so I'm gonna bust her ass!

Oh, oh, oh! They're gonna suffer! 

If only they were tougher! 

They're gonna die, they're gonna fry!

Oh, oh, oh! I'll make them pay for damaging my eardrums! 

So, I'll go Super Saiyan! *Starts to power up*

Galatea: Oh no you damn well won't! Kamehameha!

*Galatea's attack knocks Vegeta right off of the stage, and into a nearby kiosk selling 'Body Shop' goods. Vegeta is covered in cheap, yet quality bath salts.*

Galatea: Now. Where was I? Oh yeah! Killing Yamcha!

Yamcha: Eek!

Galatea: *Picks up the microphone from where Vegeta

dropped it* Bashing him in, and his next of kin! 

I wanna be free, 'cause men like him annoy me! Oh yeah!

And Yamcha...

You scream, act, and look like a woman!

*Music (finally) ends Galatea drags Yamcha off the stage, and they start chatting and being civil to each other again, as though nothing had happened.*

"Can I stop now?" asked Goku, as he continued to dance. Ash walked on stage.

"Yes, you can stop! Damn, how did those two manage to pull all that off while making it look natural? Amazing…glad she was on my side…"Ash said. "Hey Goku, you dance pretty good!"

"Hey, thanks!" Goku replied as Gregory flew up and handed Ash a piece of paper. Ash whipped out a mike.

"The marks are in…7, 8, 7…that are the marks for Galatea. Thank you. Now…"

"Grrr…I smell like a beach…" Vegeta cursed as he climbed back on stage, only to come face to face with Ash.

"You not only didn't listen, you threatened my teammate, Vegeta." Ash said, and pointed as Vegeta stared in horror.

"NO! NO! NOOOOOOOO…Wooga wooga wooga wooga!" Vegeta whooped as he started bouncing up and down on the stage, dressed only in Care Bear underwear. As the crowd laughed their asses off, Vegeta turned and hopped off the stage.

"It'll wear off in five miuntes. Maybe next time he'll learn his lesson. Anyway, our next entry is Leia3000, and her representative Tapion.

Ash walked off the stage, and Leia300 and Tapion came onmto the stage. Tapion pulled out his orcharina and played it for a short while, entracing the crowd, before a rock tune came boiling up in the background.

"I present…our DBZ version of Tubthumping!" Leia3000 said.

Leia3000 and Tapion: We'll be singing

When we're winning

We'll be singing 

I get knocked down

But I get up again

You're never going to keep me down 

Fighting the night away

Fighting the night away 

He does a Kamehameha

He does a Final Flash

He does a Kienzan

He does a Zanzoken

He does attacks to defeat 

The good guys

He He does attacks to defeat

The bad guys 

"Oh Son Gohan

Son Gohan

Son Gohan..." 

I get knocked down

But I get up again

You're never going to keep me down 

Fighting the night away

Fighting the night away 

He does a Masankasappo

He does a Gallet Gun

He does a Mind Control

He does a Bukujutsu

He does attacks to defeat 

The good guys

He does attacks to defeat

The bad guys 

"Don't cry for me

Scholar Boy…..." 

I get knocked down

But I get up again

You're never going to keep me down 

We'll be singing

When we're winning

We'll be singing…

The music ended, and Leia3000 and Tapion leave to applause. Ash walks out on stage, clapping. He waits for the short while for Gregory to fly and give him the marks.

"The marks…6, 7, 6…well done, Leia3000. Anyway, there comes a time when all good things must come to an end…and so the streak of my fellow authors has ended. Now, we will finally have the first entry for Ice Queen's side…by nahognos. Nahognos…has prepared a megamix of songs to make up for the lack of authors on his side. So let's all give him a hand. Nahognos, his representative Freiza, and co! Including Billy Butt…" Ash's voice trails off into a snarl, and he hops down into the crowd to watch.

As the curtain opens, nahognos walks up. The stage is darkened except for a single spotlight on him. He looks at a mystery band. He nods, and the music starts while nahognos breathes deeply.

*Music starts to play Kid Rock's "Bawitdaba", nahognos snaps his fingers and is dressed in a leather black bodysuit with a large leather trenchcoat. Ash looks at him while nahognos twirls around, his long leather trenchcoat spinning like some radical music video. He stops his motion and brings out a microphone as his coat continues to twirl. He breathes in deeply and yells*

N: MY NAME IS NAHHHHHHHHHH………NAHOGNOS!!!!!!!

"Copycat." Ash muttered, although no one heard him over the noise.

* nahognos jumps up for the last part and lands while finishing, while fire explodes in every direction. His army of ex- childhood TV stars dance while a band appears. Billy Butt 69 has a bass quitar, Freiza is on drums, Android 17 is the DJ, and Ice has a quitar with a microphone next to it. Finally, much to Ash's surprise, Agony comes out. She likewise has a quitar and mic. Meanwhile nahognos is at the head with his mic.)

N: AND THIS IS FOR THE QUESTIONS THAT DON'T HAVE NO ANSWERS!

THE FUNIMATION EDITS AND THE PATIENTS WITH CANCER! 

*Ash glares at nahognos for using his character without him finding out and for using the cancer patient joke. He is ignored and nahognos continues*

N: NO POWER LEVELS, CAN'T TELL WHO'S WEAKER! 

THE Gs WITH THE TAILS AND THE GLASSY EYE BEEPERS! 

*nahognos continues while his band plays away. He reaches the chorus.*

N: SO GET IN THE CAGE AND GO S..S..J!!!

*bands plays the heavy part of the song and suddenly nahognos lifts his hand and closes it. The music stops for a moment. Suddenly POD's "Rock the Party comes up."*

N: We came here to rock this jam! 

Spread my love like a master plan!

Let this ball of ki ignite like a star

'Cause everyone in the universe knows who we are!

You gotta get down, fight around, perfect your style

D.B.Z., quarantee, make it worth your while

Bad vibes', leave them at the door

Soulcheck'n, housewreck'n, keep 'em begg 'n for more

C'MON!

All : WE CAME TO ROCK THESE GAMES ALL NIGHT LONG!

SO PARTY PEOPLE WON'T YOU SING OUR SONG!

WE CAME TO ROCK THESE GAMES ALL NIGHT LONG!

AND KEEP IT LIVE TILL THE BREAK OF DAWN!

N: Hey 17 won't ya play that song!

And we'll keep dancin till the break of dawn!

Keep it alive like the way Ash should!

Only Agony getting crazy so you know it's all good!

"You know, I really must protest this use of my character without my permission…" Ash said, before he felt a yank at his coat. He turns to see it is none other then Gary Coleman and Urkle. Meanwhile, nahognos continues to sing.

N: Don't bother stoppin till this jam is through

If you been here before then you know how we DO!

*Music flows into Santana's "Put your lights on". Agony grabs an electric guitar and sits on a stool next to nahognos, who is likewise on a stool with an acoustic guitar. They both begin to play while Ice and Freeza walk to the side of them and get in a battle stance*

N: Hey now… All you sinners…

Put your lights on… Put your lights on…

*Ice starts to gather a ki ball, while Ash, looking away from Gary Colemen and Urkle, worries over the potential destruction of the stage.*

N: Hey now…All you lovers…

Put your lights on…Put your lights on…

*Agony plays Carlos Santana's part and Freeza gathers ki into a ball in his hands as well*

N: Hey now…All you killers…

Put your lights on…Put your lights on…

*Agony turns her head at the killer part but continues playing while Ice and Freeza lift the balls over their heads.*

N: Hey now…All you children…

Leave your lights on…Better leave your lights on…

*Ice and Freeza throw their ki blasts in the air*

N: Cause there's a monster…

Living under my bed…

Whispering' in ma ear…

*Ash breaths a sigh of relief while Ice and Freeza produce an impressive light show in the sky*

N: And there's an angle…

With a hand on my head…

She says I got nothin to fear!

*Agony is really getting into the song, nahognos is singing and strumming away at his guitar.*

N: And there's a darkness….

Livin' deep in my soul…

Still got a purpose to serve….

So let your light shine…

Deep into my own…

*All the audience is in awe of the light show. Even Ash looks impressed*

N: God don't let me lose my nerve!

*Kami, at his judge table, turns his head in a "Did someone just say my name?" fashion*

N: Don't let me lose my nerve!

*Agony breaks into the harder part of the song, Freeza and Ice begin to sweat from the strain of the ki light show. Agony's guitar solo ends and nahognos slowly resumes playing*

N: Hey now! Hey now!

Whoa-oh hey now!

Hey now! Hey now!

Hey now! All you sinners!

Put your lights on! Put your lights on!

Hey now! All you children!

Leave your lights on! Better leave your lights on!

*The audience waves their lighters in the air*

N: She says I got nothin to fear!

*Freeza and Ice slowly bend their knees in perspiration of the light show*

N: And she says:

All: La-La-La, Ha-La-La

You all shine like stars

And fade away…

*The audience jumps up and applauds while Ice and Freeza pass out, Agony doesn't stop playing, and nahognos exits stage right…*

"Is that it? Well then…" Ash began to say, and then suddenly the entrance to a new song is heard.

"What the…? Guess not."

N: Check, One, One, Two

*They begin to play Limp Bizkit's "Nookie" Then band is back, and nahognos changed clothes into khaki pants, a black T-shirt, a blue jacket, and a red backwards baseball cap*

N: I came into this world as a reject!

Look into these eyes and you'll see the size of the flames!

*All the band members fire up an aura*

N: Dwellin' on the past

It's burning in my brain

Everyone that burns has to learn from the pain!

*The army of ex childhood TV stars surrounds the members of Ash's team*

Ash: Hey, wait a minute…

N: Hey, I think about that day

My girlie ran away with my pay

When fellas came to 

Play and now she's stuck

With my homies cause she f-

*Ash yells over the word for decency, being the cheating bastard that he is, despite all the swearing in his Kid Rock song, and Gary Coleman hits his knee with a bat*

Ash: OW! That hurt! Little midget!

*Ash and Gary Coleman enter a one-on-one fight to the death*

N: And now I'm just a sucker

With a lump in my throat

Hey, like a chump!

Hey, like a chump!

Hey, like a chump!

*Ash knocks one of Gary Coleman's teeth out, but Gary gives him a swift kick to the jimmies*

Ash: Ha! I took the precaution of wearing a cup!

N: I did it all for the nookie! C'mon!

The nookie! C'mon!

So you can take that cookie!

Ash: And you can take this! *Ash grabs Gary by his feet and swings him around, tossing him into a tree. Angered at being attacked by nahognos's minions, he pulls the plug on nahognos abruptly* That's enough!

*The stage goes black, nahognos and gang nowhere to be seen*

Ash: Well that was quick…huh?

*Ash is mysteriously changed into different clothes and suddenly nahognos, the Mike Steele robot, Ice Queen, and Gary Coleman drop from the top of the stage, suspended by stings. They are all dressed in NSync clothes*

Ash: AH NO! 

N: I'm doing this tonight

You're probably gonna start a fight

I know this can't be right, hey baby, come on

I loved you endlessly 

When you weren't there for me

And now it's time to leave

And make it alone

*Ash finds himself unable to resist as he dances and sings against his will*

Ice Queen: I know that I can't take no more

It ain't no lie

I wanna see you out that door

Baby Bye Bye Bye

All: Don't wanna be a fool for you

Just another player in your game for two

You may hate me, but it ain't no lie

Baby Bye Bye Bye

Don't really wanna make it tough

I just wanna tell you I've had enough

Might sound crazy, but it ain't no lie

Baby Bye Bye Bye!

Steele: You just hit me with the truth

Now girl you're more than welcome to

Give me one good reason

N: Baby come on

Steele: I lived for you and me

And now I've really come to see

That life would be much better

Once you're gone!

All: Don't wanna be a fool for you

Just another player in your game for two

You may hate me, but it ain't no lie

Baby Bye Bye Bye

Don't really wanna make it tough

I just wanna tell you I've had enough

Might sound crazy, but it ain't no lie

Baby Bye Bye Bye!

Coleman: I've given up, I know for sure

I don't wanna be the reason for your love no more

I'm checking out, I'm signing off

I don't wanna be the loser and I've had enough

* Before the dark twisted evil space monkey power makes Ash sing against his will again, Ash sings on his own, figuring he may as well go along it being futile to exist*

Ash: I don't wanna be your fool

In this game for two

So I'm leaving you behind

All: Baby BYE BYE BYE!!!!

*All go into a final pose. Everyone is sweating and breathing very hard. Wild applause. Ash's spell is broken, and he snaps off the strings and changes his clothes back as he shakes his head to clear the emotional spell. Billy Butt can be seen in the corner scribbling away and laughing*

Billy: Oh that was great! Take that, Ash! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!

*Billy writes down something in his book and grins.*

Ash: I WORK AT MCDONALDS!!!!!!!

N: Hey! I do! Not you!

The curtain closes, and Ash turns burning eyes on Billy Butt, who is still laughing. Billy Butt sees this and tries to write something down, but Ash snaps out his hand and the book and pencil come flying out of his hand and go into Ash's, where they promptly burst into flames.

"First, you insult all the DBZ fans. Then you have the balls to steal my story and claim it was your own. THEN YOU MAKE ME SING N'SYNC! YOU ARE DEAD!" Ash screamed, as he threw up his hands as they crackled with dark energy.

Outside, various screams can be heard from behind the curtain. The noise goes on for a while, and eventually Ash emerges covered in blood. Gregory flies up and hands him the slip of paper.

"Sorry I took so long, we were having some…technical difficulties. Anyway, the mark for nahognos's megamix is…9, 9, 9! However, for using my character without asking, having his ex-child stars assult me, making me sing against my will, and being friends with an utter asshole like Billy Butt, I'm dopping that down to three 8's!"

"WHAT?" Came nahognos's voice from backstage.

"That is all! Next, we have Chelsee and her representative, Movie 9 Son Gohan!" Ash said hurridly before he headed quickly off the stage as nahognos emerged from the other end and gave chase. The curtain opens as crashing is heard off to the side.

Chelsee wanders forward and approaches the center of the stage, Gohan is on her close left.

"Hello, all! We had a hard time decided on a song, so we used one of the music video songs from the ToT-"He's So Shy"- since it has been stuck in my head for six consecutive days anyway. Our new title is 'They Just Don't Die!" Our song is pretty much about my first introduction to DBZ..." Chelsee explained.

" Since there are children and mentally deranged people out there…" Gohan said, as he and Chelsee looked off stage at Mike Steele "…We decided to make this educational as well as a parody! Like those great little School House Rock videos only teaching people about DBZ!"

"Yep, we're passing on the legacy of horror to those who never experienced that dreadful show!" Chelsee said as she shuddered. "Meistrow, the music!"

*80's music begins to play and the unforgettable song 'He's So Shy!' begins to play...but with slight differences. Chelsee is suddenly wearing a ridiculiously colorful 80's shirt, giant earings and her once long braided hair is now free and permed with such huge crimps that her head has increased three-fold. She starts singing, over the noise of Ash and nahognos fighting backstage*

Chelsee: When I first saw that spikey hair

I was confused and rather scared.

The phrase 'next dimension' was confusing me.

What the heck is that supposed to me~ean?!

* A movie screen lowers behind Chelsee and Gohan. The picture comes up, and Chelsee is seen sitting in front of the T.V. with her eye brows frowned together and her head cocked to the side in confusion while little question marks float around above her head*

Chelsee: If they did die, why not just say?

*Gohan appears in amusingly 80's leather pants and jacket, shaking his head*

Gohan: Unfortunate you, it's time that you knew-

"Next dimention" means their days are thro~ugh.

Chelsee: But they don't d~ie!

They just don't die!!

Gohan: *In an incredibly high pitched voice* But they are dead, 'cause they are not al~ive!.

Chelsee: But they just don't die!!

They just happen to have ha~los, (They don't die!)

And they are in a different setting!

Gohan: That's heaven, baka, they ARE NOT ALIVE!!

Wooah, no they're not.

*Nods his head to the catchy beat*

Chelsee: Wooah, but they don't die!! (Or AM I in denial?)

They don't die!

Gohan: They're blasted dead, you crazy!

They must be dead cause they're not alive!!

Chelsee: (Ah say) They don't die!

Gohan: They're pushin' up daisies you bim~bo!

Chelsee: But they don't die!

Gohan: Rotting in the land of limbo-

-no hope of e~ever enjoying life! (ho yeah!)

Chelsee: Maybe they do die! (oooee, ooee, baby!)

Gohan: Yeah, they do indeed die! (Ooee, oee baby!)

Gohan & Chelsee: Yes, they die~eeeee…

* The music fades. Both are now out of breath and sweating as though they had actually put some effort into singing like a sick mixture of Diana Ross and Madonna--which they didn't. There is applause, but not as much as some of the other songs*

"Okay, okay, so not much work went into it. It was just a last ditch effort to make something funny, even though apon reading over it I didn't even crack a smile." Chelsee said with a shrug "I know that I'll have to kill Ash and eat his brains in order to obtain his power, and even if that doesn't work at least I can have a full stomach!

"You are joking......right Chelsee?" Gohan sweatdropped.

"Oh no no no...." Ash says, as he emerges from stage right, his jacket ripped up and his hair a mess. "I already have nahognos trying to kill me for what I did to his song and Billy…I don't need you trying to eat my brain! You're supposed to be on my side! Shoo shoo!" Ash said, motioning Chelsee and Gohan off the stage.

"And the marks for Chelsee…7…7…8. The judges will now take a second short break. We'll be back in fifteen minutes."

"Ah, nahognos, you know we're outnumbered! Why did you have to go and do something like that!" Ice Queen complained.

"Hey, how was I supposed to know he had the powerto alter the marks if I did something he didn't like? Who made him the head guy?" nahognos complained. The pile of jello next to nahognos bubbled in agreement.

"He's not the head guy! He can't deduct marks! I'm gonna go speak to the judges!" Ice Queen mumbled, and stomped off. The jello bubbled again.

"Billy, you knew there were risks, so stop complaining." Nahognos sighed. He waited until Ice Queen came back. She did not look happy.

"Well, they said they didn't know he couldn't do that, but they also said their decision is final! GRRRRRR! Mike Steele had better have a killer entry, because he and I are the only ones left for my side! How could this get any worse?"

Fom around the corner, Chaozu smirked, and turned and flew off.

"This settles it, plans a go. This should be enough humilation for Ice Queen to never again doubt who is the best!" Chaozu laughed evily.

"Ver well, we are back from our break. Our next singer is Just a Thought, hereby refered to as JAT, and her representative Bardock! Give them a hand." Ash said, as he walked off stage

"Okay," JAT grinned, "Bardock, are you prepared to sing?"

"Uh..." The Saiya-jin mumbled, "I don't even know what song we're singing."

"You're singing." JAT corrected with an evil grin, "And don't worry about the lyrics."

"I think I should be scared now." Bardock muttered.

"Well, go on!" JAT said impatiently pushing the reluctant Bardock onto the stage. After that she scanned the crowd. 

"Hmmmm, I'm going to need the dubbed Frieza." she muttered. A startled Frieza appeared behind her. "Okay, now for a giant movie screen, I think the one Chelsee used is still rigged up. Take it away

Bardock..."

A very startled Bardock began singing, apparently against his will. 

Bardock: You shake my nerves and you rattle my brain, 

Too much love drives a man insane. 

You broke my will, but what a thrill!

Goodness gracious great balls of fire!"

*The scene on the movie screen suddenly showed Vegeta-sei blowing up in a rain of fire and explosions. Frieza looked slightly perturbed, Bardock on the other hand looked slightly angry that he couldn't stop singing*

Bardock: I laughed at love 'cause I thought it was funny. 

You came along and moved me honey. 

I changed my mind, this love is fine. 

Goodness gracious great balls of fire!"

*The scene on the background changed and now showed Frieza laughing at the carnage he was wrecking. On the other hand though, the real Frieza was looking on backstage, annoyed*

"What is it with you people and your stereotypes!" he muttered. Meanwhile, on stage, Bardock continued singing,

Bardock: "Kiss me baby, mmm... feels good. 

Hold me baby...Well, I wants to love you like a lover should. 

Your so fine, so kind. 

Like to tell this world that your mine-mine-mine-mine!"

*There was now a tinge of red on Bardock's cheeks, he still couldn't believe he was singing this.*

Bardock: I chew my nails and I twiddle my thumbs. 

I'm real nervous, but it sure is fun.

Come on baby, you drive me crazy. 

Goodness gracious great balls of fire!"

*The scene on the screen went back to that of the planet blowing up.*

Well, kiss me baby, mmm... feels good. 

Hold me baby, well, I wants to love you like a lover should. 

Your fine, so kind, 

Like to tell this world that your mine-mine-mine-mine!"

"I AM NOT YOURS!" Frieza shrieked firing up a ki blast.

Bardock tried to cover up his mouth to at least muffle the words, but because of JAT's author power he was unable to do so. 

Bradock: I chew my nails and I twiddle my thumbs, 

I'm real nervous, but it sure is fun. 

Come on baby, you're drivin' me crazy, 

Goodness gracious great balls of fire!"

The scene on the screen showed Vegeta-sei's destruction then went black as Bardock was freed from singing. Dubbie Frieza went back to wherever he came from, and JAT hastily grabbed Bardock by the wrist and dragged him off stage to applause and some boos, mostly from Nahognos's army of ex-child stars, who he has ordered to boo any of Ash's author friends.

"C'mon, we'd better get out of here before Frieza fans everywhere that can't take a sick joke kill us." JAT said. "Not to mention any Bardock fans that would love to kill me right now..."

"Us? You were the one who made me sing that song!" Bardock protested.

"Hehe, yeah, maybe I should have had the two of you sing "Respect' too, huh?" JAT grinned.

Bardock just grumbled something incoherent as JAT dragged him into the crowd from backstage and the two of them disappeared.

"And the marks are in…unfortunately, due to JAT not singing herself, the judges have deducted points. So the marks are…5, 6, 5. Sorry JAT, but if you hadn't been singing in a way by making Bardock sing, you would have been disqualified entirely. My lone exception was already used for Alexh35. Good try anyway!" Ash, and politely clapped. His side and a chunk of the crowd did so as well. Ice Queen's side continued to boo, and quickly started up another "Nugget" chant.

"I AM NOT A NUGGET!"

Backstage, the Mike Steele robot holding the consciousness of the seemingly most powerful being in the universe suddenly went rigid.

The body's eyes slowly closed, then the body went limp, but remained standing.

"Uh…Mike?" Gogeta asked.

"Wuz up my fused partner in insanity?" Mike called out. He teleported in right next to his mechanical body. Steele was in his author form, which was the same form as his normal form, except not different, but maybe slightly altered. 

"I was able to…stop time for a moment in my base reality. So…I am here for a bit."

"Oh, good Kami of Canada, NO!!!" Gogeta screamed.

"So…uh…other than you bein' weird…sup?" Mike asked.

"I beg of you, oh mighty Narwhals of DOOM, kill me before he goes psycho!" Gogeta pleaded to the sky.

"Yeah…" Mike said. "We have a karaoke to mess with."

"Hey, M!" the lead Narwhal called out. He landed behind Gogeta. "Sup my man?"

"Nothin, One. You?" Mike responded.

"Plotting to kill Oolong," One said.

"Cool," Mike replied. Gogeta burst into tears as the author from Insane-Land compacted his mechanized self in a capsule.

"Well, next up is…oh, MAN! No! Save me!" Ash shouted, making a big show of his displeasure. Ice Queen walked onm stage to a chorus of cheers from her side and a chant of "Ice Cream" from Ash's side.

"Ash, we don't have all day! Who is it?" Ice Queen asked, tapping her foot. 

All she could get from Ash were exaggerated moans. 

"Ah! Must be Steele!" she reasoned.

Mike climbed up onto the stage, his ten Narwhals and Gogeta following. Mike grabbed the mike.

"Hey! Ash! You said this is karaoke?" Mike asked.

"Yeah. Now where did I put my suicide pills?" Ash said as he frantically searched the pockets of his jacket, with no luck. "Damn, why did I have to give this coat so many pockets!"

"Karaoke is not my thing! How about…rock concert?" Mike asked. 

"Sure, whatever, as long as you make it quick." Ash moaned.

"Win it, Mike!" Ice cheered.

"Before I begin, I have a few requests," Mike announced. "First, Ash cannot deduct marks if he feels like it. Two, could Chaozu could kindly stop making out with Puar…" 

The crowd of authors and their prisoners looked at the act in shock. Or horror. Or both.

"Chaozu!" Ash yelled.

"Hey, sorry, Krillian bet me a hundred bucks I wouldn't do it." Chaozu said, and motioned to Krillian, who grudingly paid up.

"Secondly, Chelsee, I would prefer if your sudden outbursts pertaining to Gohan's body be held in during this." 

Chelsee looked up, all red in the face. Gohan sighed in relief. 

"Good," Mike said, grinning like the child of evil and insanity, with gene therapy from something different.

"Hurry up and end my pain!" Ash pleaded sarcastically.

"Take as long as you want," Ice Queen instructed. Mike nodded.

"Authors, characters, and other living collections of matter, to assist us, we have _Pink Floyd_!" Gogeta unenthusiastically announced. The band appeared in the center of the stage, complete with all instruments and other things they use. Ash looked up from his exaggerated pain.

"Hey, this might not be so bad." Ash said.

"Also joining us are the Narwhals!" Mike shouted.

"I was wrong." Ash quickly added. nahognos about shot himself, while Vegeta cowered in fear. Chelsee got a glare from Mike.

"Mike is having an affair with them!" Chelsee shouted. Mike snapped his fingers. Chelsee was surrounded by yams. An effective trick not to be forgotten. 

"Sure I am," Mike sarcastically remarked. Notice the use of the word "sarcastically".

"Hurry up!" Ash repeated.

"Certainly," Mike snickered. "From the depths of the minds of the band known as _Pink Floyd_, there came an album called _A Momentary Lapse of Reason_. On that album lie many awesome songs. However, by process of Rock Paper Scissors and my mighty fist, we are playing _Learning to Fly._"

The band that wrote the song begins to play. However, they are playing _One Slip_. The five Narwhals from Liechtenstein begin to sing _ACDC's Thunderstruck_, not even accounting for the period of time with nothing but instruments. The other five Narwhals, the ones from Bhutan, sing Ozzy Osbourne's "_Bark at the Moon_." Gogeta, fusion supreme, begins to sing a song from one of those icky boy bands.

"STOP!!!" Mike shouts. "Get it right!"

"You, my man, stay cool, hear?" Narwhal one said. (Note: If you are stupid, ignorant, or do not get to converse with Mike frequently, you will not know that Narwhals One through Five are from Liechtenstein, and numbers Six through Ten are from Bhutan.)

"You, my man, WRONG SONG!" Mike screams. He points to _Pink Floyd_. "I want the song that starts out, "Into the distance, a ribbon of black…!"

"Shut up. We own the songs! We got the rights! Maybe we don't feel like letting you do our songs!" _Pink Floyd _retaliates.

"Hey, let's all get along," Gogeta said. "Now, am I the only one that just forgot the dance?"

Narwhal number six runs forward, using his horn to try and make Gogeta-shiskabob. 

"Narwhals aren't funny!" someone in the audience shouts.

"Hey, you! Shut up!" Narwhal three demands. "How many people do you see running around town screaming, 'I am a bandicoot named George. Love me!' Well?"

"Actually, I have never witnessed that," the person responds.

"Too bad! But when you see someone doing such, you think them just plain weird!" Three shouts. "However, when you see Steele running around a village of baked potatoes shrieking, 'I am a Narwhal named Billy-Bob-Sue-Ann the 19th. I am Cute!', you laugh yourself stupid!"

"No, I hide in fear," the person said.

"SHUT UP!" Mike shouted. "Three seconds. One…two…three!"

The band started playing the right song, and Gogeta started dancing around like a small school creature.

"You turds!" Narwhal five shouted at _Pink Floyd_. "We paid you eight bucks to screw up!"

"Come get some!" _Pink Floyd _taunted.

"You bribed them?" Mike demanded.

"Kiss my tail," Four said.

"It is our revenge for you liking the Bhutanese Narwhals more!" Two declared.

"You are so in pain," Mike growled. He began to power up.

"…no more dark sarcasm in the classroom," Gogeta sang, while disco dancing like an idiot on idiot-enhancement drugs.

"You are a big bunch of bakas!" Mike screamed.

"Takes one to know one," Three said.

"Leave our master alone!" Nine bellowed. He began to raise his power level.

"Bhutan can kiss my butt," One snarled.

"Oh! I shall embed your tusk in your abdomen!" Eight growled.

"…Hey! Teacher! Leave them kids alone!" Gogeta sang, dancing like a moron on moron drugs. Ash is by this point laughing his head off at the mess, much to Ice Queen's displeasure.

"Quit that! Mike did not buy permission to use _The Wall_ in this competition," _Pink Floyd_ declared.

"_The Wall_ sucks," Four shouted.

"What do you know, ya' horned aquatic sea mammal?"_ Pink Floyd_ asked.

"What did you call me?" Four shouted. "I am a Sea Unicorn, you little piece of…"

"WE are the Sea Unicorns!" Six through Ten said in unison. 

The Bhutanese Narwhals, downright ticked-off at the Liechtensteinian ones, for not only disliking them, but insulting them, as well as being mean to their master, charged them. The Narwhals form the nation that starts with an "L," the one that I am sick of attempting to spell, simultaneously exploded into their maximum power levels of ten billion. The Narwhals from the European nation began to slaughter the Bhutanese ones, until they too decided to power up to ten billion. A fierce battle quickly got under way, which created shockwaves that rattled the arena. Ash is on the verge of pissing his pants, laughing so hard he falls right off the stage.

"I am lost in the middle of a hopeless world!" Mike shouted. "One more slip and you all fall!"

"May we do ballet?" Gogeta inquired, noticing no one else was performing.

"Okay, Gogeta, I guess I have to get some one else to dance," Mike said. "Paikuhan!"

"What?" Gogeta demanded.

"Yo! Sup my people?" Paikuhan greeted. He walked over to the Narwhals, doing secret hand movements with them as they got a chance to pull away form their war.

"Alright, a cool guy on this team," _Pink Floyd _said.

"Why you…Final Kamehame…" Gogeta snarled, powering up to Super Saiya-jin level four.

"IF YOU GUYS DON'T GET YOUR ACTS TOGETHER NOW, I WILL KNOCK YOU TO THE DARK SIDE OF THE MOON!" Mike shouted.

"You, quit doing that," _Pink Floyd_ said. "One more reference to our songs and we leave!"

"God this sucks," Ice Queen muttered. "I thought Mike could win this for us."

After Gogeta quickly killed Paikuhan, sorry ladies, the group assembled. The band that wrote _Learning to Fly_ did the long instrumental beginning without a hitch, though the Narwhals barely managed to perform while fighting.

"Into the distance…on a ribbon of black," Mike sang.

"Stretched to the point…of no turning back," Narwhal Seven sang.

"A flight of fancy…on a windswept field. Standing alone…my senses reeled," they all sang together. 

"Fatal Attraction is holding me fast…how can I escape its irresistible grasp?" Gogeta sang.

"You messed up the lyrics!" _Pink Floyd _shouted_._

"So what?" the fusion demanded.

"You are a baka of two," Narwhal Eight said.

"Bite me," Gogeta growled. 

Eight did so. 

"What the…? I am going to kill you!" SSJ4 Gogeta shouted.

"Narwhals, power up to the maximum and rip him in two," One instructed. The idea of having an opportunity to do fairly to extremely painful things to Gogeta caused the Narwhals to rapidly cease their warring and unite.

Suddenly, each of the ten Narwhals had a power level of ten billion and a sixteenth. _Pink Floyd _ran away, screaming something about insane people.

"Which of you cursed this?" Mike calmly asked the authors. No one raised a hand. 

"Answer ME!" Mike screamed, as Ash climbed back on the stage, still laughing his head off. Mike turned rather angry eyes on him.

Chaozou suddenly bit himself where no male ever wants to bite himself. Agony, who was standing behind Ash, turned into a pitcher of lemonade.

"MIKE!!!" Ash shouted.

"You cursing little son of a pointy eared monkey's green uncle from Kyrgystan…" Mike growled.

"What did I do?" Ash asked.

"Oh, sorry," Mike suddenly said, returning Agony to normal.

"What the?" Kegermann asked.

"Hmm…I just experienced a momentary lapse of reason," Mike explained.

"What do you mean?" Ice Queen asked.

"I have no clue," Mike replied. "I am just trying to tick my band off."

"Doesn't matter. Seeing how your band and people can't get along to sing at all, I'm afraid you most likely lose." Ash said. He motioned to Gregory to hand him the judges decision.

"And the marks are…1, 2, 1. However, for sheer humour, I'll add six to each." Ash said, adjusting the marks.

"Hey! I said you couldn't do that!" Mike said. Ash looked at him.

"You don't want me to add marks? Ok." Ash said, as he dropped the card.

"I knew I wouldn't do good with this," Mike mumbled.

"Cool! Gogeta is getting his butt slaughtered!" Vegetto cheered. The Narwhals glanced over at their new target.

"Mike!" Ash shouted.

"What?" Mike asked.

"I can't get Chaozou to quit…"

"I let go of him. He is doing it on his own, now."

"What? Chaozu, stop!"

"I can't! Ow, ow, ow!" Chaozu yelled.

Ash waved at the curtain as it dropped.

"Judges, take another break! I have some things to settle!" Ash yelled, as he tried to help his friend. For the sake of separation, Mike mentally instructed his Narwhals to split by country, and play Stone, Paper Product, Cutting Device Made of Levers to determine which group got to kill which fusion.

Off to the side, Jello Billy Butt sat and giggled at what it had managed to make Chaozu do after Mike had started it.

Until Ash came striding in and picked up the bowl.

"After all I did, you still haven't learned your damn lesson! Fine! Take this! Goku, free food!" Ash said as he tossed the bowl of jello to the passing saiya-jin.

"FOOD!" Goku screamed.

"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" went Billy Butt, as Ash walked off, conjuring a Senzu bean to give to Chaozu.

Elsewhere, Kami, Emma, and King Kai sat, sipping martinis.

"We're down to the last two entries…after Mike, Ice Queen is probably going to pull out all the stops…" Kami said.

"Me, I wanna see what Ash…ARGH!" King Kai yelled as someone suddenly came up from him from behind and shoved a sack over his head. Before Kami and Emma could react, the same thing happened to them. Muffled screams came from the sacks as the shadowy figures dragged them off.

"I am sorry about that…I hope you are not mad about that unexpected delay…" Ash said, as he came back on stage with Chaozu sitting on his shoulder. He watched the three judges walk back out to the table and sit down like nothing had happened. He glanced down at his roll and grinned.

"Ladies and gentlemen, the thing you have all been dreadi-er, waiting for, has arrived. Our next act features Ice Queen and Nappa!" 

Silence... Leaves rustled in the breeze. Ice looked around and thought for a moment.

"This is gonna take some work..." Ice Queen said, as she waved her hand and the stage was suddenly very fancily made up. The audience was quiet.

"Picky audience..." Ice Queen muttered.

"Well... Get started won't ya? We don't have all day!" Ash called out, slightly mockingly. Everybody on his side chimed in, calling her Ice Cream, and other, worse, affiliations of the name. She smirked, completely unfazed.

"Give me time, ashy-boy, give me time. Keep it together, nugget." She stated casually and started towards her set up stage. Her side had started up yet another "He's a nugget" chant at Ash, but even through that, they looked slightly worried. This could make or break the competition. Could Ice Queen even sing? They wondered... a little too late.

"Hmmm... Now what kind of song would work with that big lug..." Ice Queen pondered audibly. Her side looked over at her with astonishment. Was this the first time she had even thought of this? If that was the case they were doomed. She smiled all of a sudden, sending a wave of fear through the ones who knew her best. Except for Mike Steele's metal form, who only smirked.

"I know!" She looked around... Ash was smirking lazily... Chelsee was eating yams and staring lovingly at a slightly wary Gohan. There were others out amongst the audience talking amongst themselves... And Nappa and Bardock were over there, arm-wrestling. That was the person she wanted.

"Hey, Nappa! Get over here!" He looked up, distracted. Bardock grinned, quick to take advantage of the situation, and shoved Nappa's arm to the table.

"What?" He asked rudely. That had just cost him twenty bucks.

"We have a concert to perform!" Ice Queen stated cheerfully. He walked over, grumbling under his breath.

"Get on stage." She stated imperiously. Nappa balked, giving her a look that said he would rather take on the Narwhals. 

"Now! Or else Pikachu will be humping your leg, instead." 

Nappa looked horrified at the thought, and headed towards the stage. Ice Queen thought for a second. 

"What else do we need?" She asked out loud. By now Ash's side and the audience was growing bored and conjuring rotten fruit to throw at the poor Saiyan up on stage. That seemed to have no affect so they started throwing boulders and anvils instead.

"Hmm... Music!" Her small group of friends were now wishing that they had chosen to be on Ash's side, at least he wasn't a ditz. Saiyanbrat and JAT were deeply involved in a conversation, which gave Ice Queen a moment of unease, but she ignored it, and continued plotting.

She snapped her fingers and a baffled Turles, Brolly and Radditz appeared in front of her.

"Hey, Brolly's on my side!" Ash protested.

"Tough.' Ice Queen said. Ash buried his hand in his face and muttered,

"You." She said, pointing at Turles, "Bass." Next thing he knew he was wearing a pair of baggy pants, and little else, and holding a wicked looking guitar. She looked over at Brolli, grinning evilly. "Drums." And he was on the stage behind a huge set of drums. She had gotten bored by this time, and just "Put" Radditz at the keyboard. 

"What... hmmm..." The next thing you know Nappa's wearing a bad impression of a bleach blonde wig. He looked up shocked and burst out into spontaneous song... Against his will.

"Take this pink scouter off my eye..." he sang. The audience went silent.

"I'm exposed... And it's no big surprise..." He looked down at his skimpy armor appraisingly. Everybody turned to Ice Queen, reluctantly acknowledging the irony of Nappa singing a parody of No Doubt's "Just A Girl." She smirked, and leaned back to enjoy the show... Until Ash pointed something out.

"That's against the rules! You have to be in the performance as well, Ice Queen." The next thing Ice knew she was dressed in a skimpy little mini-skirt, and had a haircut just like Gwen Stephani's... The pink one. She looked up accusingly at Ash, who merely raised one eyebrow.

"BWAHAHAHAAA!" She turned around to see Saiyanbrat laughing her head off, and Just A Thought trying not to snicker. _Go figure... Mutiny_. Ice shrugged and jumped up on stage and grabbed a mike, joining Nappa.

"Don't you think I know exactly where I stand? Ice Queen Please let me kill that man!" Nappa sang, as he looked over at Ash, only to be kicked in the tail by Ice Queen.

"`Cuz you're just a Saiyan, livin' in captivity! I won't let you hunt kids at night." Ice Queen sang... As nasally as she could.

"Yeah I'm just a Saiyan, so pretty and petite... Er... A little bloodthirsty," Nappa took over, glaring at her. "But you won't let me get into fi-ights! Oh-oh! I need something to kill! The moment that I step outside... So many reasons for you to run and hide!" He looks over at Choazu, licking his lips, and was promptly hit on the head with rotten Chinese food. Which, for no reason, landed on Ice Queen as well...

They dug themselves out and continued singing, both glaring at Ash. 

"Hey, that curse is still active. Not my fault." Ash said as she shrugged.

"It's all those little things, right over there, its all those little things I want to kill!" They started back in on the chorus, blissfully unaware of the character watching their every move

"I don't care what you say, Ice Queen. You're pet Monkey killed my Dino..." Trinityblue said as she hid in the deep foliage of a nearby oasis, her rocket launcher aimed at the large Saiyan's head. She had loved that dinosaur... Her greatest creation since the disbanding of RR... Only to have it eaten as a midnight snack by Ice Queen's pet Saiyan. 

"I knew that I should have never gotten involved with your plot to take over the universe... Now you shall pay for your pet's casual violence. And I shall be the one to take over the Megalomaniacal Midgets Anonymous! That is... As soon as I take out Pilaf..." 

She carefully aimed the scope between Nappa's eyes. 

"Now you shall feel the pain of losing your pet, Ice Queen..." 

"'Cuz I'm just a Saiyan, guess I'm some kinda freak! 'Cuz they often run for their li-ives!! 'Cuz I'm just a Saiyan take a good look at me! Just you're typical killer type! Oh-oh I need something to kill! Oh-oh, am I making myself clear?" Nappa sang as he was glaring at Ash and Choatzu, while Ice Queen was trying to get untangled from the microphone cord, which had attacked her for no reason at all. She pulled at it... And promptly fell on her butt.

"There she is, boys! Go get her!" She looked up, shocked to see a neutered Zarbon and his army of hairdressing faeries. 

"Stop in the name of the hair police!" They screamed, all of them rushing towards the now pink-haired Ice-jin. She started pulling and tugging at the stupid cord, desperately trying to get away from the scary men.

"STEELE! I WILL GET REVENGE FOR THIS! I SWEAR!" She bellowed, still trying to get unraveled.

Mike Steele's form smirked, and leaned back to enjoy the show. 

"Really? It seems to me that you're a little too tied up to be making threats. I told you that if you died you're hair too many times, Zarbon and his hairdressing faeries would come after you... Guess you should have listened to me, huh?" he smirked. Ash looked amused at this as well.

"Grrr..." Ice Queen muttered, still occupied in fighting the cord. Nappa stopped mid-line and stood there laughing at her, his back to the audience.

"And to think... Bwahahahaaa! You expected to win!" He laughed, backing up to get a more-encompassing view. He took one more step... 

BANGGG! The Rocket launcher went off and the rocket landed... Right where he had been standing, and where Zarbon and his faeries now were. The impact of the blast caught him off guard and threw him back onto the helpless audience. 

"Great... I missed. Wile E Coyote, you're gonna die for selling me this piece of junk!" Trinity packed up her bags and headed over to the cartoon section of FF.Net. (Don't you just hate repeat jokes? I really have to get a new script writer...)

" Ok, enough, finish the song, would you? You're wasting time and precious bandwidth, and I have my act to do..." Ash said.

Ice turned and gave him a raspberry. :P Then she kicked the slightly battered band back on the stage.

Nappa looked mutinous at the thought of singing that song again, but Ice Queen ignored it. And, he got back on stage... His blonde wig tilted over one eye. The audience heaved a sigh of relief. A little too soon, because he started singing again.

Zarbon pulled himself out of the wreckage, glaring at Ice Queen. "I will not tolerate this! I demand that you come with us... er, me. Immediately! You are under arrest for that awful haircut!"

"Grrr…" Vegeta, still utterly furious over what Ash had done to him, again, came out of nowhere. Looking for a target for his rage, he promptly blasted Zarbon to HFIL... again.

"Thanks!" Ice said, then went back to forcing Nappa to sing.

"I'm just a Saiyan, I'm just a Saiyan stuck on earth...That's the last place I wanna be!" I'm just a Saiyan livin' in captivity. Your rule of thumb, makes me worry some. I'm just a Saiyan, I need something to eat! Let me kill them! You'll soon get numb! Oh-oh I need somethin' to! Oh-oh! I need somethin' to!! Oh-oh! I need something to kill!" Nappa and Ice Queen sang in a final chorus.

And with that last note the amphitheater crashed on the band's heads. Ash fell over laughing again, along with everyone on his side and most of the audience. Even the judges were rolling in their seats.

"Ice…Cream…everyone! Give her a hand…MWAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Ash roared. "Judges, write your results on those cards and hold them up…I'll never be able to read them…I think I'm going to die! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

As Ash rolled around in hysterics, the three judges wrote down their decisions and held them up.

Ash's laughter stopped abruptly.

"9, 9, 9!?!??!!?!??!"

"Well parodied, well rhythmed, and very funny." King Kai said defensively.

"And that decision is final!" Kami said.

"MWAHA! Beat THAT, Rash boy!" Ice Queen said as she dug herself out of the wreckage. Ash glowered at her, then pointed at the curtain. It began to come down.

"Lemme clear away the wreckage, get Brolly back on his feet, set up my stage, and then we'll do the final act: mine! Then we'll see who has the last laugh, Ice Cream!"

Several minutes later, the curtain rose again to reveal Ash, standing alone with a spotlight on him.

"This is my entry for the Ice Games. It is a song against people who are taking a great anime and are wrecking it, misunderstanding its messages and audience for the sake of money. This is my tune against FUNimation's…"crimes."

*Spotlights reveal the gang of representatives that Ash used for his opening song. Chaozu comes out with his own mike. The President of the USA's song "Video Killed The Radio Star" starts up*

Ash: I first saw the series back in Ninety-Two

The adventures of a boy who was named Son Goku

I thought that dub was cool, oh if I only knew.

Chaozu: Oh-a oh!

Ash: It's eight years later and I can't believe what I do see

No blood, no death, no language or nudity!

FUNimation's so bad it won't even let them pee!

Chazou: Oh-a oh!

Ash: "It's for the children."

Chaozu: Oh-a oh!

Ash: Well here's what I say then!

All: Funami killed the DBZ Stars!

Funami killed the DBZ Stars!

Ash: In my mind, they've gone too far!

And out of them I will beat the tar! (The tar!)

Chaozu: Oh-a-a-a oh!

Oh-a-a-a oh!

Ash: But FUNimation's a big cartoon studio.

They listen to parents instead of people in the know!

Well at least we all know how DBZ is supposed to go!

Chaozu: Oh-a oh

Ash: It's pronouced saiya-jin!

Chaozu: Oh-a oh

Ash: Let's hear it once again!

All: Funami killed the DBZ Stars!

Funami killed the DBZ Stars!

Ash: In my mind they've gone too far! 

I'll feed them to Agony with caviar! (Caviar!)

Chaozu: Oh-a-aho oh!

Oh-a-aho oh!

*Ash and Chaozu dance a little to the music as Goku comes over playing his guitar. Ash tosses him a head mike like the one he wore in the Kid Rock act and Goku joins in*

Ash, Chaozu, and Goku: Funami killed the DBZ Stars!

Funami killed the DBZ Stars!

Ash: In my mind, they've gone too far!

I will run them over with a car!

But I doubt this will cause their minds to jar!

So I'll watch fansubs on my VCR…

*Music fades almost to nothingness as Ash and Chaozu both sing in a very high voice*

Ash and Chaozu: We want uncensored eps…

We want uncensored eps…

*Music kicks up again and ALL the DBZ characters come dancing out on stage, even all the author representatives of Ice Queen and Co. With the exception of Nappa, who looks like he would rather have a red hot poker shoved up his rectum, all of them sing along, although Ash uses his author powers to keep his and Chaozu's voices from being drowned out*

All: Funami killed the DBZ Stars!

Funami killed the DBZ Stars! 

Funami killed the DBZ Stars!

Funami killed the DBZ Stars!

Funami killed the DBZ Stars!

Funami killed the DBZ Stars!

Funami killed the DBZ Stars!

Ash: Funami killed the DBZ stars, yes they did!

*Music flares and comes to a close. Everyone bows deeply to insanely wild applause. Ash does multiple bows, and finally the curtain comes down*

A moment late, Ash emerges from behind the curtain. The audience keeps applauding, they apparently thought the parody was very good.

"Thank you! Thank you! The marks please!" Ash said.

"It's uniamous!" Gregory said as the three judges held their cards up, each with the number 10 on them.

"10, 10, 10! A perfect score! I win, I win! Was there ever any doubt?" Ash crowed.

"HEY, WAIT A MINUTE!" Ice Queen's voice yelled from backstage before she emerged from backstage in a huff.

"I demand a recount! Mine was just as good as his! If he got perfect marks so should I! I have been ripped off!" Ice Queen yelled.

"I'm sorry, that is our decision. We found his parodying, singing, and humour perfect. He has won the Ice Games."

"I DEMAND A RECOUNT!"

"Ice Queen…WHO CARES? I WON!" Ash said, as he jumped up and down.

"GRRRRRRRRR! ASH, I'M GONNA…"

"Hey, what's this?' nahognos said, as he came to a machine with a ton of blinking lights and buttons that was set up in a corner backstage.

"This wasn't here before. Where'd it come from? And what does it do? And I wonder what would happen if I pushed this button?" nahognos said as he pushed the biggest and reddest button on the machine.

"Now Ice, I won fair and square, and…" Ash was saying, and then a brillant flash blinded him, Ice Queen, and everyone else.

"Ow…someone outta have given that thing a dimmer switch…now what was…" Ash began to say.

Then his voice trailed off. King Kai, Kami, and Emma were gone, instead having been replaced with a saiya-jin wearing a red bodysuit and armour, a blue-skinned female wearing white, and a black-skinned, white haired male dressed entirely in black.

"Dammit! Our cover is blown! Someone shorted out the illusion generator!" the blue skinned female cursed, as she and the other two leapt to their feet as the crowd recovered and began to notice them.

"What the fuck…" Ash said in confusion, staring at the people. He had immediately recognized them.

Unfortunately, so had Ice Queen.

"Waitaminute! I know those three! Those are Ash's characters from his Tynzien stories!" Ice Queen said.

Then realization lit up her eyes.

"ASH RIGGED THE GAMES!"

Now the confusion on Ash's face was even deeper, as desent began to queel up from Ice Queen's side. The three characters who Ice Queen claimed looked around, qorry creasing their face.

"We're not popular here apparently. We'd best book." Blue Skin said.

"HE RIGGED THEM! HE STUCK HIS OWN CHARACTERS IN DISGUISE AND PUT THEM IN PLACES OF THE JUDGES! HE CHEATED US! GET HIM!" Ice Queen yelled, pointing at Ash.

"And we had better take our creator with us." Said the saiya-jin.

The three blurred out and reappeared beside Ash, who was slowly backing away from the rioting crowd. Ash's side had taken the hint and quickly skedaddled when it became clear violence was about to happen.

"What the…"

"Let's go, oh esteemed maker! You'll be safer over on that cliffside!" Blue Skin said, and before Ash could protest he was teleported away, seconds before Ice Queen and her side fell apon the stage and wrecked it.

As Ash reappeared, this time on a rocky bluff surrounded by his author allies and their representatives, he was more then a tad pissed.

"OK! Tynzien, Syria, Malleus! What the hell are you doing here? WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING AT ALL!?!?!?!??!"

"You were just doing what you told us to!" Blue Skin aka Syria protested.

"What?" Ash said, confusion in his face.

"Your plan Ash! To humilate Ice Queen by making it look like she was going to win and then snatching it away at the last second!" Chaozu said as he flew over. Ash stared at the little mime.

"I don't understand…what…"

"AHA!" came a voice, and then Ice Queen and her side teleported to Ash, abet some distance away from him and his group. "You're not the only one who can do that, Rash Boy! Now time to pay the piper!"

Ice Queen's group, backed up by the Narwhals and the army of ex-child stars, advanced on Ash's group. Around him, Ash's group began to mobalize themselves, expecting a fight and not planning on giving up.

"This is not what I wanted…especially since I have no idea of what's going on…but I'm not letting a gigantic flame war start…no sir…" Ash said as he looked back and forth from his group and Ice's group.

"But nothing I say will stop them…they won't believe me…so how can I…"

Then an idea popped into Ash's head. It wasn't the best one, but he doubted any other idea would work.

"HOLD IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Ice Queen's side stopped abruptly at the yell, and that was all Ash needed to get to the front of his group and start talking.

"Ok! It's obvious no one will listen to me, so I'll just say this. Ice, this whole thing started between you and me. Therefore, it should be between just you and me. So I suggest that we forget contests, author powers, everything, and settle this the way that everything in the DBZ World is settled: fighting."

Ice Queen cocked an eyebrow.

"Fighting?"

"Yes. You, and I. One on one, DBZ style fight with powers of our respective author forms and nothing else. Last man, woman, or whatever standing, for the win, the right to gloat, the whole nine yards! We settle this like Goku, Vegeta, and all their ilk did!"

Ice Queen smirked at the idea.

"I like it. You're on."

Ash made a noise that sounded halfway between a noise of approal and a chuckle.

"So be it. Everyone, back away. You can watch, but not interfere. This is between me and her."

"Hey! No fair! I wanna fight! I wanna kick some Chaozu butt!" Mike Steele complained.

"Chaozu is not participating in this, Mike, and neither are you. Go use your Infinate Infinity ability somewhere else." Ash said.

Ash and Ice Queen stared each other down in the style of a Wild West showdown. Nappa broke away from Ice's group and approached her.

"Ice, I've wanted a piece of this guy since the whole thing started! Lemme have him first! Please!"

Ice made the same noise that Ash had made a few seconds earlier.

"Sure Nappa. You can take his measure."

'ALL RIGHT!" Nappa said, as he walked forward menacingly. "Time for me to show you who's really the boss around here, squirt!"

Nappa stopped in front of Ash, set his legs and arms into a battle position, and with a continuous low growling snarl of concentration and anticipation, began to power up. The ground began to rumble and small pebbles and rocks began to rise into the air as happens every time someone powers up in the DBZ World. Ash stood calmly, his hands in his pockets.

Nappa completed his charge up and a yellow aura of power exploded around him.

"Alright, ASS, HERE I COME!" Nappa screamed, and charged, cocking back a fist to plant right between Ash's eyes.

Ash shifted his legs slightly, but that was it, and as Nappa barreled down towards him, he continued to stand, the picture of calm.

"YAAHAAH!" Nappa roared, and punched.

Right into Ash's suddenly upright and open hand.

"What the…?" Nappa said at Ash's out of nowhere grab.

Then Ash suddenly leapt up, pistoning himself off Nappa's fist and then his massive shoulders as he leapt right over Nappa. As Nappa slowly turned around in surprise, Ash twisted his body into a spiralling backward sommersault. 

Nappa's eyes widened.

Then Ash's foot smashed into him as Ash executed a backwards flip kick ala Gogeta in Movie 12. With a yell of anger, surprise, and pain, Nappa went barreling away, zapping backwards across the plain and crashing head first into a nearby mountain.

Ash landed, made a small noise of disapproval, and raise a right hand glowing with pink ki energy before he snapped his hand up and out, throwing a ki projectile after Nappa as he pulled himself from the wreckage.

"Why does this always happen to ME?" he asked the air, before the projectile hit him. An explosion shook the earth as the mountain collasped on Nappa.

As a small dust cloud mushroomed up from the ruin of the rock structure, Ash turned back to Ice Queen.

"If that was your best, you'd better give up now." Ash chuckled. Ice Queen smirked right back.

"Far from it, Rash boy. You're strong, but you forget one thing. I'm an Ice-jin in my author form, you're just a human. And our abilities are far greater then yours. So maybe you should be the one to give up."

Now Ash was the one to smirk.

"Ah Ice Queen…you forget my name. It claims I am a wanderer. But I have never told you just what I am a wanderer of." Ash said as he reached up and took hold of the collar of his leather jacket.

"I'm a wanderer…of the stars!" Ash said as he cast off the coat as the black tail, hidden against his all black outfit the whole time, uncoiled and lashed the air. "Or more specifically, a saiya-jin wanderer of the stars. In this form anyway."

Ice Queen chuckled.

"Oh, who cares. Human-jin, saiya-jin, yardrat-jin, shamo-jin, it'll be the same any way. I have but three words for you: just bring it!"

Ash cracked his knuckles and recoiled his tail.

"You're on." He said, and leapt at Ice Queen at blinding speed.

The war had begun.

__

And so it has come to this! Who will win the final battle? Will it be Ice Queen or Ash The Wanderer? Will Mike Steele try to eat Chaozu while Ash is busy? Will Ash keep tormenting Billy Butt like the jerkoff he is? What happened to Agony? Who is that mysterious figure in the Seven Deadly Sins saga? Could Lady Delores not leave any review at all if she dislikes this story as much as my other ones? Find out on the final installment of the Ice Games: 

The Queen vs The Wanderer

And there can be only one!


	6. The Queen vs The Wanderer

__

Before we begin, I would like to recognize nahognos for his time and effort in co-writing this epic. He has asked that for all his time, effort, and loss of sanity working under poor conditions, the least you can do is leave a review, check out his new author image of a character in here, and he also demands the blood of a thousand virgin goats. If anyone knows what the hell he's talking about, give me a call..

And he works at McDonalds.

****

Part One: The Queen vs. The Wanderer
    
    Some of the biggest wars in history had been started for the most ridiculous reasons. However, since Ash and Ice's battle really meant nothing, no one took time to philosophize.

Especially since Ice stepped aside as Ash leapt at her and stuck out her foot, causing him to trip and go sprawling face first into a mud puddle that conveniently appeared on the ground as he began to fall. Ice Queen and her side laughed as Ash sputtered and got up covered with guck.

"What's the matter, Rash boy? Don't like getting dirty?" Ice chuckled. Then a cruel smirk lit up Ash's features and the mud flew off of him and splattered on Ice Queen, cutting off her amusement as she began to sputter.

"Do you?" Ash replied.

"Ok, no more usage of author powers! Begin true fighting now!" said the generic announcer, who had been brought back to say this one line and vanished since he was no longer needed.

"I wanna fight!" Mike Steele complained. Ash rolled his eyes and turned towards the would-be god of everything.

"Look Mike, I already said it, NO FIGHT-ARGH!" Ash yelled as Ice Queen leapt forward and punched Ash on the chin.

"HA! I draw first blood!" Ice crowed as Ash staggered backwards, but her victory was cut off as Ash recovered and punched her between the eyes, staggering her in stead.

"Yeah, too bad I didn't bleed! Should have gone for the nose, Ice Cream!" Ash said.

"Really, well thanks for the advice!" Ice Queen shot back, throwing another punch. Ash blocked it with his arm. Ice threw another punch and Ash blocked it with his other arm, and then the two of them vanished into a frenzy of punches, kicks, and blocks. The ground began to break and shattered under them as they warred.

Finally, Ice Queen took the advantage by using the lone appendage she had that was stronger then Ash's, whipping out her tail and striking him upside the head. Ash shot backwards, crashing through a mountain, and Ice Queen crowed her victory again and flew after him.

"Can you see them?" asked Goku impatiently.

"They're in there somewhere. But there's so much dust about, I can't see anything!" replied Piccolo, as he strained to see through the dirty-brown storm clouds Ash and Ice Queen's battle was kicking up.

"Hey, we can't sit here all day waiting for them! We need entertainment!" yelled someone.

Within moments the crowd was up, screaming and demanding entertainment.

"This sucks! I'm going to Burger King!" yelled Ginyu.

Suddenly, everyone was silent.

"…….What? They have good food! What's wrong with liking Burger King?" demanded Ginyu.

The crowd moved aside slowly and whispering as nahognos stood, his back turned to Ginyu.

"Dude, you are SCREWED!" yelled Goku.

With his back turned and his mouth not flapping, you could get a good sense of what nahognos looked like. His author form was Future Trunks, before his injury. His back was muscular and you could see him breathing slowly. The author known as nahognos turned back slowly and glared at Ginyu. Ginyu took a step back slowly and gasped.

"Ginyu……..I'm going to kill two birds with one stone." He said slowly

He looked at JAT and she turned on the karioke machine. As he fired up enough of an aura to fly, nahognos grinned. He flew in the air and somersaulted to the stage. The authors and characters quickly scuffled over to stage in anticipation. From the audience, he chose Android #17, Freeza, Brolly, Majin Buu, and Vegeta. 17 took the role of DJ, Brolly went to the drums, Buu took the bass guitar, Vegeta a guitar, and Freeza another guitar. Each checked their instruments and all checked their mics as nahognos walked up to the stage slowly. He looked down, then slowly brought his head back up.

"Yo, we're the Evil Beings and lemme tell ya the run-down. Throughout this fic I'm gonna sing songs. Don't expect them, because they're gonna pop outta no-where. I'd tell ya how many we're gonna play for you, but I don't know. This one is by Metallica, and it's called One…oh yeah, I almost forgot. It'll be in play format." Said nahognos

(Freeza' hits the first chords, 17 plays background violins as in S &M)

(Brolly starts playing and nahognos starts singing.)

I can't remember anything

Can't tell if this is true or dream

Deep down inside I feel to scream

This terrible silence stops me

Now that the war is through with me

I'm waking up I can not see

That there is not much left of me

Nothing is real but pain now

(Vegeta plays his rough guitar spot, Buu plays the bass, and the song is in full force as nahognos puts more effort into the lyrics, making them louder.)

Hold my breath as I wish for death

Oh please Kami, wake me………

(Freeza continues playing masterfully.)

Back in the womb its much too real

In pumps life that I must feel

But can't look forward to reveal

Look to the time when I'll live

(17 plays the violins louder via his turntable.)

Fed through the tube that sticks in me

Just like a wartime novelty

Tied to machines that make me be

Cut this off shit off from me

Hold my breath as I wish for death

Oh please Kami, wake me

Please Kami wake me

(Freeza begins his guitar solo.)

Now the world is gone I'm just one

Oh Kami, help me hold my breath as I wish for death

Oh please Kami help me

HELP ME!!!!

(nahognos screams and Vegeta enters HIS guitar solo, and 17 continues playing the S part of the S & M)

Darkness imprisoning me

All that I see

Absolute horror

I cannot live

I cannot die

Trapped in myself

Body my holding cell

(Vegeta begins to tear it up with his guitar.)

Ki blast has taken my sight

Taken my speech

Taken my hair and,

Taken my arms

Taken my legs

Taken my soul

Left me with life in hell

(The song goes on with Freeza's second solo. The song continues, then fades out.)

The authors were in a state of uncertainty. Some screamed Metallica, others Napster.

"I don't know if they liked that!" whispered Brolly.

"Fine, I'm only gonna need 17 and our little guest for this one."

17 nodded and changed the record.

(nahognos moves in front of the stage, with surprise guest Eminem. Crowd once again half boos and half applauds, but nahognos stops Eminem from flipping the bird. Eminem clears his throat and begins to speak.)

Whatever…

17, just let it run

Aiyyo turn the beat up a little bit

Aiyyo.. this song is for anyone.. fuck it 

Just shut up and listen, Aiyyo..

I sit back with this pack of zig zox and this box

of this fries it gives me the stuff needed to be

the most funniest author on this -- 

(nahognos steps forward and takes over where Slim Shady left off.)

on this web site

And since day 1 I've been cursed with this curse to just curse

And just blurt this berserk and bizarre shit that works

And it sells and it helps in itself to relieve

all this tension dispensin these sentences

Gettin this stress that's been eatin me recently off of this chest

and I rest again peacefully (peacefully)..

(Eminem)

but at least have the decency in you

to leave me alone, when you freaks see me online

in MSN or AIM when I'm eatin or feedin my family

to not come and speak to me (speak to me)..

I don't know you and no, 

I don't owe you a mo-therfuck-in thing

I'm not Mr. N'Sync, I'm not what your friends think

I'm not Mr. Friendly, I can be annoying

if you tempt me my tank is on empty (is on empty)..

(nahognos)

No patience is in me and if you offend me 

I'm liftin you 10 feet (liftin you 10 feet).. in the air 

I don't care who is there and who saw me destroy you

Go email Xing Li, make you a complaint

I'll smile in my room, you're way too late

I'm tired of all you (of all you)..

I don't mean to be mean but that's all I can be is just me

(Eminem)

And I am, whatever you say I am

If I wasn't, then why would I say I am?

In the comp, the PC everyday I am

Xing won't even read my jam

Cause I am, whatever you say I am

If I wasn't, then why would I say I am?

In the comp, the PC everyday I am

I don't know it's just the way I am

(nahognos)

Sometimes I just feel like my father, I hate to be bothered

with all of this nonsense it's constant

And, "Oh, it's his writing content -

- the fic 'DBMessed!' has gotten such rotten responses"

And all of this controversy circles me

and it seems like the flamers immediately

point a finger at me (finger at me)..

So I point one back at 'em, but not the index or pinkie

or the ring or the thumb, it's the one you put up

when you don't give a fuck, when you won't just put up

with the bullshit they pull, cause they full of shit too

When a dude's gettin insulted and writes fics in school

and they blame it on me (on me).. 

(Eminem)

and the weed

Where were the parents at? And look where it's at

Middle America, now it's a tragedy

Now it's so sad to see, an upper class ci-ty

havin this happenin (this happenin)..

then attack nahognos cause he writes this way (writes this way)..

But I'm glad cause they feed me the fuel that I need for the fire 

to burn and it's burnin and I have returned

(nahognos)

And I am, whatever you say I am

If I wasn't, then why would I say I am?

In the comp, the PC everyday I am

Xing won't even read my jam

Cause I am, whatever you say I am

If I wasn't, then why would I say I am?

In the comp, the PC everyday I am

I don't know it's just the way I am

(Eminem)

I'm so sick and tired of bein' admired

that I wish that I would just die or get fired

and drop from my pen name and forget what they say

I'm not gonna be able to top "A normal day.."

And pigeon-holed into some pop-py sensation

to cop me rotation at Pokemon stations

And I just do not got the patience (got the patience)..

to deal with these cocky infants who think

I'm some loser who just tries to be funny cause I write 

with an attitude, and grab on my keyboard, so they always keep askin 

the same fuckin questions (fuckin questions)..

(nahognos)

What school did I go to, what hood I grew up in

The why, the who what when, the where, and the how

'til I'm grabbin my hair and I'm tearin it out

cause they drivin me crazy (drivin me crazy).. 

I can't take it 

I'm racin, I'm pacin, I stand and I sit

And I'm thankful for ev-ery fan that I get

But I can't take a SHIT, in the bathroom

without someone standin by it

No I won't sign your autograph

You can call me an asshole I'm glad

(Eminem)

And I am, whatever you say I am

If I wasn't, then why would I say I am?

In the comp, the PC everyday I am

Xing won't even read my jam

Cause I am, whatever you say I am

If I wasn't, then why would I say I am?

In the paper, the news everyday I am

I don't know it's just the way I am

(17 lets the record go until the song is over.)

The audience all starts cheering and applauding, while nahognos stuffs away Eminem in his little box before he can disrupt the mood. The crowd started to yell for more, but nahognos simply pointed his finger upward.

"Why don't you watch the fight?" he asked.

And then Ice Queen and Ash dove into the crowd in a blur of limbs, knocking DBZ characters into the air like bowling pins as they blazed through the crowd. Finally the paused and more characters flew as their forms vanished in a chaotic blur of limbs.

Which abruptly stopped as Ash brought up his hands and found his fingers were all tied up in knots.

"Dammit. Hold on a second, will you?" Ash cursed, trying to untangle his fingers. Ice Queen, somewhat scuffed, laughed and started another "Nugget" chant.

"I AM NOT A NUGGET!" Ash yelled, hopping on one foot as he tried to bring the other one up between his hands and put pressure on his tangled fingers. Nahognos smirked and pointed at Ash, and Ash's fingers suddenly became untangled, flying backwards and smacking him in the face. Ice and her section exploded in laughter.

"Ok, NOW I'M MAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Ash bellowed as golden beams suddenly exploded up around him and lanced through his hair as it stood up and became a crackling, furious gold color in an explosive lightshow. Ice stopped her laughter.

"He can go Super Saiya-jin. I knew that-UGH!" Ice Queen gasped as Ash lanced forward and belted her in the face, before following it up with a furious combination of punches, a kick to the sternum, and a ki blast, sending Ice flying backwards into another mountain. Ash threw up his hand and a green ki ball appeared in his palm. He hurled it after Ice, blowing the mountain to nothingness.

"No one is ever dead when the smoke clears." Ash quoted, and as nahognos looked irritated, Ash thrust out his arms.

"RENZOKUKEN SHINE SHINE MISSILE!"

The never-ending barrage of ki blasts exploded from Ash's hands and began bombarding the smoke where Ice Queen had vanished, causing the smoke cloud to grow larger and larger. Eventually it enveloped the authors, but that didn't stop Ash despite the furious exclamations for him to stop. The yells were eventually replaced by coughing and protests by authors to have their representatives blow away the dust.

As the various characters did so, Ash smirked and looked at the vast devastation he had wrought.

"Get up from that, Ice Queen." He muttered, although he knew damn well that Ice Queen would, and probably little the worse for wear. It was the rule of DBZ.

"Hey, you!" JAT yelled from the crowd, and Ash looked down at the young author.

"You meanie! I'll help you Ice!" JAT said, putting her hands together. "SUPER MEGA TERRIBLE HORRID GALATIC BURNING BLAZE BLAST!"

As JAT completed this very long name, she thrust out her hands. However, nothing came out.

"What?" the author said. Ash began to snicker. JAT growled and put her hands together again.

"DIVINE ULTIMATE SUGAR RIPPING FINAL ZAP SHOT!"

Ash broke into howls of laughter when the attack again did nothing.

"Is there a point to this? Because-GURK!" Ash gasped as Ice Queen suddenly blurred behind him and wrapped her tail tightly around his neck.

"Actually, yes. So I could so THIS!" Ice Queen said, and began to pummel Ash's back with her fists, even as Ash furiously tried to get her tail unwrapped. JAT and Ice Queen's side clapped at Ice Queen continued to pummel Ash's back.

Then Ash remembered something Goku did, and opening his mouth, he bit down on Ice's tail as hard as he could.

"YEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Ice Queen wailed, pulling away her injured tail and blowing on it. Ash spat as HIS side began to clap.

"Goku was right! It does taste terrible!"

"WHY YOU…!"

Ash snapped his head to the side to avoid the ki blast Ice Queen shot at him.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!' the grouped authors yelled as the blast shot at them, before they were all blown up. Ash paid no mind, as he was already countering with his own blast. Ice Queen zapped above it and thrust out her hands to let loose with a flurry of several blasts, but Ash thrust out his hands and a ki ball grew and expanded over it. As Ice's queen's blasts slammed into the defensive ball, causing both to explode and cancel each other out, the smoke cleared below to reveal the author and their representatives, slightly singed and rather dazed. Almost as if the act confused them, they began to clap again, abet more druggedly then before. 

"This is starting to annoy me." Ice said, and then smirked.

"Hey Ash, remember the Tri-Form technique?"

Ash couldn't reply as Ice Queen yelled and then split into three Ice Queens. Ash raised an eyebrow.

"Uh oh."

Then all three dove at Ash and began to pummel him from all sides. Ash tried to defend himself, but was eventually completed overwhelmed and sent crashing back into the ground, causing the authors to snap out of their daze and run for cover.

The three Ice Queens thrust out their hands.

"HEY! WE'RE DOWN HERE TOO-!" Galatea managed to get out before the three Ice Queens began raining down purple ki blasts on Ash and the authors, blowing them all up again.

"You'll live." Ice Queen 1 muttered, and then all three floated back down to the ground as the smoke cleared to reveal slightly more singed authors and author representatives standing around coughing and looking at the crater where Ash had been.

Then Ash zapped out of the crater, golden lighting dancing on his form, and did a bouncing stride across the ground until he reached the three Ice Queens. Before any of them could do anything, Ash bashed the middle one with a jab punch, a right hook to the body, a hooking axe-kick and an energy-charged uppercut, sending Ice Queen 1 flying into the air. Ice Queen 2 and 3 leapt to attack, but Ash stepped back and the tow ran into each other. Ash slammed their heads together and then jumped up and nailed them both with a leaping snap kick, hitting one with each leg. As the two other Ice Queens flew up into the air along with their friends, Ash let himself fall on his back from the leaping double snap kick and thrust his hands up, sending a large golden energy blast after the three. They yelled as it struck them and exploded, and then all three fell to the ground. As they landed, they again absorbed into each other, leaving only a single Ice Queen.

Flipping to her feet, Ice Queen growled and fired several ki projectiles at the author, but Ash leapt into the air and the blasts again struck the grouped authors. As more groans wafted up from the smoke cloud, Ice Queen flew up into the sky, drawing herself level with Ash. Angry that her attack hadn't worked again, Ice Queen thrust her hand at Ash and he was enveloped in a blast. Rapidly pistoning her hands back and forth, Ice made the blast bigger and bigger until it was the size of a skyscraper, before finally stopping to rest.

The smoke cleared to reveal Ash, standing unharmed.

"You'll have to do better then that." He replied, smirking. Ice smirked herself.

"I thought you'd never ask."

Then Ice thrust her hands down and began to growl, before her muscles bulged out to double and then triple their size as she powered up to 100 percent power.

"Oh……shit." Ash realized as Ice finished her transformation to her far more ripped self.

"Yeah, time to beat some out." Ice shot back, and zapped at Ash, catching with a punch that send him cracking into the ground, sending more authors and characters flying. Ash leapt to his feet, but before he could do anything Ice Queen was on him, pummeling him with blows and sending him flying backwards as yet more authors were blasted into the air like bowling pins. Ice topped the pounding off with a roundhouse kick and Ash smashed right through the stage, cracking it in half, before he vanished over the horizon. Ice Queen made a noise of satisfaction and flew off after him, leaving behind the group of battered authors who were only supposed to be witnesses.

****

Part Two: The God vs. The Ice-jin

"You know, for being forbidden to fight, we're certainly getting beat up a lot." nahognos muttered, looking at the ruins of the stage.

"Hey Steele, why don't you put up a shield or something?" Chelsee begged, as Movie 9 Son Gohan wiped more soot from his face.

"YEAH!" The various authors agreed. Steele turned his head slowly.

"Foolish mortals, why should I help you? If you cannot defend yourselves, you do not deserve to exist." Said Steele coolly. Most of the authors and representatives, except one, did not speak.

" That does it. Steele, your ego has risen too much. It appears I shall have to defeat you!" said a voice. Instantly all the authors turned their heads and whispered amongst themselves.

"This should be interesting. Show yourself, brave one." Said Steele. The authors waited, but no one spoke up.

"As I thought. Someone playing a joke." Said Steele, turning his head. Steele's face was greeted by a swift punch, sending him flying. Steele flew then hit the ground, looking up as a ki blast snaked towards him. He brought up his finger and instantly the blast disappeared, inches from his face. Steele got up slowly. He looked around, quite angry.

"WHO DARES?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? WHO DARES ASSAULT THE LORD OF ALL EXISTANCE!?!?!?!?!" screamed Steele. Once again no one breathed. Steele looked everyone up and down.

"SPEAK NOW, AND I WILL MAKE YOUR DEATH ONLY EXCRUCIATINGLY PAINFUL!" he yelled.

"KA………." Said a voice in the clouds.

"WHAT? WHO'S USING KAMEHAME-"

"HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" screamed a voice, the legendary blast aimed at Steele. Steele's eyes opened wide, but he was still able to throw up his hand to change the blast's direction. Much to Steele's surprise, however, the blast began to turn once more. Steele put up both hands and growled, but the blast continued onward. Steele was finally able to move the blast to the ground behind him, which was unfortunately where the authors were. Subsequently, they all blew up. Again.

Mike dusted himself off, then floated off the ground. 

"I'll make you a deal. Show yourself, and I'll assume a form to fight you in." spoke Steele, almost in a whisper.

"Agreed!" yelled a voice. Then an Ice-jin came down to the ground and smirked.

Ash skidded across the ground, then used his hands to thrust his body upward in the sky. Ice landed where he was but moments ago, smashing the ground. Ash swung his foot forward, but Ice just grabbed it.

"Sticks and stones, nugget!" yelled Ice, bringing down her elbow to Ash's leg, breaking his leg. Ash jumped up, and grabbed his leg.

"What's the matter, nugget? Can't take it, can ya?" she smirked

"YAHHHH!!!!!!!" yelled Ash, flying forward. Ice jumped up casually, then brought her tail down and hit his right shoulder with it, breaking those bones as well. Ash screamed out of pain, but kicked with his good leg. Ice grabbed that one and swiftly broke that one as well. Ash yelled, then fell on the ground in a heap.

"Not bad, but now IT'S TIME TO FINISH YOU!" she yelled, flying upwards rapidly. She threw up her fists and powered up.

"REMEMBER THIS MOVE, ASH? HEAVEN SPLITTING VIOLENT LIGHT!" she yelled, firing away.

"YAHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!" Ash yelled, throwing up his arm in a last ditch effort to save himself.

The Ice-jin looked like Freeza's 4th form, but only more….evil. While Freeza's skin was white, his was black. For some reason the crystal formations were missing. That, and he had…..hair. It was long and white, spiking its way down his back. It looked like icicles spiked it every direction. It was even more unruly than a Saiya-jin's hair. This Ice-jin wore very baggy pants, being held up by some miraculous force. He wore a white T-shirt, wrapping around his tight muscles. He looked like an evil teenager Freeza.

"What the…..what the hell are you?" said Steele. The Ice-jin smirked and looked up. To top off his outfit, the Ice-jin had dark stylish shades. 

"I'm Hail. I'm JAT and Icy's big bro." He said confidently. He ran his fingers through his suprisingly bendable hair, then looked back at Steele. The watch on his right wrist shined brightly. Steele eyes him up and down.

__

A stylish Ice-jin? Nani? He even has a pair of sunglasses! A watch! My god, he has Nike's! thought Steele. 

"How can an Ice-jin have hair?" queried Steele.

"Well man, I was made in this lab. I think it was by Gero, but that's not the point. I'm supposed to be a Saiya-jin/Ice-jin mix. The perfect being, I suppose. I quess you could call me a Cell, minus the Nameks."

"How can you exist? I never created you!" said Steele. _If I can get this IDIOT to keep talking, I can figure out how he got strong enough to almost hurt me!_

"I can't tell you that. Did I mention you said that out loud?" smirked Hail.

"No I didn't you baka! Read up a few lines!" yelled Steele

"Exactly. So now I know what your evil plan is."

"It's not evil!"

"Suuuuure….."

"It's not evil! I'm not an evil guy!"

"Yeah. Right. And I'm not a protagonist."

"What am I then? The bad guy to beat up?"

"Yep." Hail lashed forward and punched Steele's nose. Steele yelled and fired up a godly aura.

"No, no, no. Bad Steele. You said if I came down, you'd fight me in a fair fight!" said Hail

"Fine." Then Steele changed form again, into a form that gave Hail shivers.

Ice looked down in victory. She almost seemed to scream, DidIwin? DidIwin? Her body sagged in disappointment when she saw Ash was still alive.

"Damn bug! Get squished already!" she yelled, flying downwards to inspect the damage. Ash had suffered many broken bones, being immobile.

"I'm not dead yet!" he yelled, firing up a pitiful aura. He then floated up and flew slowly towards the smirking Ice Queen.

"Come on nugget, what you got?"

Ash rammed into her with a pitiful attack, having no arms or legs to use.

"Huh?" asked Ice, who was almost forced to step back by the 'attack.'

"I'm Ash the Wanderer! I always triumph!" he said repeatedly ramming her uselessly.

"………You're a loony." Said Ice.

"I'M INVINCIBLE!" Ash yelled, hurting himself more than his foe

"Look you stupid bastard, you've got no arm or leg bones left!"

"THE WANDERER ALWAYS TRIUMPHS!"

"I should put you out of your misery. Obviously, you -"

Ash responded by quickly punching her with a beautiful uppercut, sending her flying. He appeared behind her, knocking her into the ground swiftly. 

"Monty Python, you guys are gods." Ash said. Reaching into a pocket, he quickly drew out a bag and opened it, popping a senzu bean into his mouth.

"My motto always way, be prepared." Ash smirked.

"I thought that was the Boy Scout's motto." Ice Queen replied.

"The little creeps stole it from me! Remind me to sue!"

Ice Queen leapt at Ash again, but he leapt to the side and twisted around, wrapping her fingers into her hair and thrusting Ice Queen's head down into the ground with a sickening crunch. As Ice Queen reeled, Ash took to the air. He threw his arms to the side, pumping energy into them.

"This is how you do it! And I should know, I created it! HEAVEN SPLITTING VIOLENT LIGHT!" he yelled

Energy showered the ground like a angry storm, ravaging the countryside. Ice looked up, saw the blast, and ran her ass off. The blast and its explosions followed her, as she ran at her top speed away. Ash laughed and continued his attack, playing cat to Ice's mouse.

"Who's a nugget now? You should learn when someone's playing possum ICE CREAM!" he yelled. Where Ash paying more attention, he would have noticed he dropped his senzu bag on the ground. But eventually the smoke and dust cloud Ash's blast was creating enveloped him. Coughing, he waved it away and found that Ice Queen had vanished.

"Where'd she go…" Ash said, and flew in the direction he had last seen her running.

Steele slowly transformed into a form that gave Hail shivers. Metallic skin sprouted and wrapped around his entire body. Rapidly, His shoulders grew upward, to the point of being a ridiculous triangular shape. His legs were still normal size, but it quickly grew outward, expanding his chest and shoulders. He now stood at about a good 15 feet or so, looking like a robot a child would draw.

"I call this form 'Robot'. It will be more than enough to DESTROY YOU!" yelled Steele.

"Not freakin' likely, man!" shouted Hail, flying rapidly at the robot. Robot brought his right arm forward to punch, but Hail easily dodged and swung his fist to Robot's side. Robot/Steele sagged, but slapped Hail away with his left arm. Hail soared away like a bullet, heading towards some mountains. Steele bent his knees then quickly jumped after him. As they left, the authors and their representatives all got up and complained about dying repeatedly. The suprisingly thing is they seemed more concerned with the lack of entertainment, as both fights moved away from their view. Everyone fired up an aura and flew away, half to view the Ash/Ice fight, the other half to watch the Hail/Robot fight. Hail landed with a thud in the mountains, causing a dust cloud so large it covered the entire range. He opened his eyes. His first thought was he wouldn't be able to find Robot, him not having ki. He growled and was surprised as suddenly from under him, Robot grabbed him and squeezed.

"You may be faster, Ice-jin, but I am far stronger! Now tell me who you are, NOW!" yelled Robot

"I'm yo daddy!" he yelled, bending over and throwing Robot over him. Hail jumped up, firing machine gun blasts at the Robot. Robot was annoyed as the blasts bounced off his shell like bullets. He lifted his arm, and his hand slided apart to reveal a gun barrel.

"Let me show you how you fire a blast!"

Ash calmly walked through the city he had chased Ice Queen into. He had used a brief amount of author powers to take away all the people (on the streets anyway) so they wouldn't get hurt

"Oh Ice Cream…where'd you go? Oh IIICCCCEEEYYYY…come out and PLAYYYYYYY…" Ash taunted.

Then Ice Queen leapt from the top of the small building she was on. A building that was behind Ash.

"TAG!" she yelled, slamming both her feet into the back of Ash's head. Ash yelled as Ice Queen bounced off his head and flipped over in mid-air, landing in front of him as Ash held the back of his aching head, his golden hair slick with sweat.

"You wanna play? Ok, let's play pin the ki blast on the nugget!" Ice said, firing a dark purple blast at Ash. Ash leapt over it and it struck the small building it was on. Ash pointed at the building and transported everyone out of it the second before it collapsed, and then wildly contorted his body as he avoided yet another ki blast from Ice Queen. Turning the contortion onto a backflip, he landed on another building.

Unperturbed, Ice Queen leapt up and the two began another blazing war of blows. The roof crumbled and eventually shattered under the energy the two authors were emitting, and they tumbled into an office, much to the surprise of the workers there. Ice Queen pointed at them and they vanished.

"You're not taking all the nice guy points." Ice Queen said, and again she and Ash began to exchange lighting-fast punches and kicks. Office furniture shattered and turned into a storm of debris before the walls blew out and the remaining top of the building collapsed on the Saiya-jin and Ice-jin.

Then the pile of wreck blew into the air in a storm of shrapnel that rained down onto the streets below as Ash and Ice Queen blew it off of them. Ice Queen leapt at Ash again.

"You know, we're just going to keep wrecking the floors until we're back on the ground floor again…" Ash mused, and then ducked under Ice's punch and snaked his arm under her armpit, gripping her.

"…So I'll just speed it up! ROCK BOTTOM!" Ash yelled, and leapt up and slammed Ice Queen into the floor with his arm as hard as he could, blasting through the floor and driving her through all the other stories as well. The building sagged, and then was blown to piece from the inside as Ice Queen screamed and let loose with an eye blast. As the rain of smashed ruins scattered across the city, a smoking Ash almost lazily drifted upward before he landed on another roof. Groggily, he shook his head.

"Dammit…that should have taken her out…all it did was make her angry…" Ash moaned, and then leapt to his feet as Ice Queen flipped her now massive bulk onto the same building he was on. Her hands glowed, and Ash took that as a cue to leapt the hell out of the way.

As the blasts destroyed another building, Ash fired in-mid air, throwing another ki ball at Ice Queen, but she leapt out of the way. As the building she was standing on was blown to hell, Ash landed on another building, and Ice Queen landed on her own. The two stared for a second, then fired simultaneous ki blasts, blasting each other's standing points to hell again. Thus the two leapt from building to building, each firing at each other at the same times and leaving a trail of ruins behind them as they played their bizarre game of checkers.

Finally, the two were left with just one building. Instead of destroying it, Ash miscalculated his jump and smashed right into it, breaking through some windows and tumbling into one of the apartments. Ice Queen smirked again and then leapt in after him. Various noises could be heard as the two fought through the building.

"Outta my way, nerd!"

"AHHHH!"

"Scuse me lady!"

"Oh my!"

"Heh heh, watch that first step, nugget! It's a doozy!"

"Yeow! Ow, my head! OW! TOE TOE TOE!"

"Move it or lose it kid!"

"Mommy!"

"IIYYAHHHHHHH!"

"Ooops, sorry lady! Didn't see a thing!"

With that last comment, Ash suddenly got blasted out the window and plummeted downward, hitting the concrete and leaving his indentation in it. Ice Queen blasted out the same hole Ash had come out of, and twirling in mid-air, she landed in front of him.

"Ready to give up?" she taunted, as the battered author pulled himself to his feet.

"She's too strong at 100 percent power…I guess I'll just have to turn it up a notch myself…"Ash said, and then yelled as golden energy beams blasted upward and away from in a rising pattern before more golden beams shot down around him and twirled around in a fancy pattern, incasing Ash in a golden dome. Ice Queen threw up her hands to block out the light, lowering it as it faded.

Ash now stood, his golden hair even higher and woven into a pattern of menacing spiked locks. Clenching his fists lightly, he took a slow step forward, then another one, his powerful aura swirling all around him.

"What are you doing?" Ice Queen asked.

"My dramatic Movie 9 Son Gohan walk." SSJ2 Ash said, as he continued to walk forward dramatically, his power swirling around him. "But if you insist…"

Then Ash again leapt forward and blitzed Ice Queen with a cracking knee to the face, sending her shooting backwards, ripping a giant swath across the ruined city and sending her back towards the authors.

"He has gone SSJ2…but I doubt the battle is over just yet…" said the short figure as it watched the twin battles go on. The larger figure behind grinned cruelly.

"The moment will soon present itself. And then we can rid ourselves of that plague upon FF.Net." the figure said, smirking. 

Ice Queen flew through the air, crashing into the flying authors. All the writers and representatives fell to the ground in a big thud.

"Sis!" yelled JAT.

"Ow….He's too strong at SSJ2, but I have a plan. Listen up…" said Ice quickly

Ash landed and stared down the authors. JAT stepped forward, confidently.

"HEY YOU BIG MEANIE!" she yelled

"Nani?" said Ash, as JAT was seemingly magically in another outfit. 

(Her companions, mainly SSJ Vegeta, Silver Galaxy, Galatea, and Leia3000 picked up 2 quitars, a bass, and drums. JAT's outfit changed to tight jeans and a belly shirt, making her look much older than she was. Her band started playing Vertical Horizon's "You're a God.")

I've gotta be honest 

I think you know 

We're covered in lies and that's okay 

And there's somewhere beyond this, I know 

But I hope I can find the words to say 

Never again, no... 

No, never again... 

(Ash becomes flattered by the song and powers down subconsciously to SSJ2, not powered up. JAT continues singing.)

'Cause you're a god 

And I am not 

And I just thought 

That you would know 

You're a god 

And I am not 

And I just thought 

I'd let you go 

But I've been unable 

To put you down 

I'm still learning things I ought to know by now 

It's under the table, so 

I need something more to show, somehow 

So, never again, no... 

No, never again... 

(Ash goes to SSJ1, not knowing it, becoming so wrapped up in the song praising him.)

I've got to be honest

I think you know 

We're covered in lies and that's okay 

There's somewhere beyond this, I know 

But I hope I can find the words to say 

Never again, no... 

No, never again... 

You're a god 

(Oh, and I am not)

I just thought that you would know... 

(Oh, I thought that you would know) 

You're a god 

(Oh, and I am not) 

I just thought 

I'd let you go

Ash's jaw dropped to the floor, temporarily throwing him out of SSJ. Ice Queen appeared behind him and swiftly hit him with her tail, knocking him silly. He fell to the ground as Ice thanked JAT for the distraction. But as they seemingly stood victorious over their foe, Hell was unleashed and everything went black.

Hail lay on his side, clothes slightly burnt. Steele's attack had taken out everything in sight, its destruction running for miles and miles. Robot lifted his arm-gun to his 'mouth' and blew the smoke coming out of it.

"Now you see my power."

"No…..now you will see mine!" yelled Hail, jumping up. He fired up and aura, maneuvering behind Robot.

"KAIOKEN!!!!!!!!!!!" he screamed, kicking the rust bucket away. Robot hit the ground and slowly began to get up, but Hail jumped and landed on his back, making him fall back to the ground. Hail punched and kicked Robot into the ground until finally jumping upward, the Kaiouken wearing off.

"FREEZING RAINFALL OF DESTRUCTION!!!!!!!!" he screamed, firing white blasts towards Robot. The blasts hit Steele, sending him flying away. The blasts, however, did not stop. Everywhere it hit became a sheet of ice, freezing anything on the ground for a mile radius. Steele was caught within the freezing affects, immobile. Hail grinning and set back down on the icy ground. 

"Ya like dat, punk?" he smirked

Suddenly Robot broke free, sending ice flying in all directions, slicing up Hail's shirt. Hail was only mildly annoyed by the ice, however. The two warriors stared each other down, then walked slowly towards each other.

"I don't think there will be a winner if we keep fighting like this." Said Robot.

"Agreed. On three." Said Hail

"One." Counted Robot

"Two." Replied Hail

"THREE!" yelled both, bringing their fists forward, both in a fist.

"DAMNIT! TIE! AGAIN!" yelled Steele. The two brought back their fists, then brought it back forward in a jab-like position.

"Paper tie! Crap! Again!" yelled Hail. The then both proceeded to play scissors. They quickly played rock, then scissors, then paper, then rock, then rock, then paper, then rock, and then scissors. Soon the two were playing different objects at light speed, it becoming a blur. 

"Ohhhhh…..my head…..WHAT?" yelled Ash, jumping to his feet. He was standing in a crater, surrounded by debris, musical instruments, and authors.

"AHHH! SHE TRICKED ME!" yelled Ash, swearing vengeance. He heard a rock get kicked behind him. That got his attention. 

Spinning around, Ash dodged Ice's kick, at the same time resuming SSJ2. He engulfed himself and the area around him in his aura, sending shockwaves across the land. Ice looked on through the destructive waves of flame as her foe stared her down, doing the Movie 9 Gohan walk once more. Chills flowed down the Ice-jin's back.

Rock, paper, scissors. Rock, paper, scissors. The game went on between the two opponents.

"This is getting us nowhere fast." Said Steele.

"Yeah. We need a clear decisive way of determining the winner. Both looked at each other, despite the good 10 feet difference. They both grinned evilly, then turned to look at two stones that miraculously survived. Using some author powers, the two stones became two tiny clown cars. Hail jumped in his, being able to steer with relative east. As Hail drove off, Steele's 15 foot tall giant destructive robot attempted to activate the clown car, and eventually had to use author powers to get going. Soon he was speeding off after Hail, in the biggest race tiny clown cars ever saw.

Ice Queen lucked out, for as Ash raised his hands, Mike and Hail drove past him.

"MASEN-WHAT THE HELL!?!?!??!?!" Ash said in shock as Mike and Hail drove past, and Ice took the advantage to leapt forward and headbutt Ash in the sternum, sending him flying backwards through the group of authors again. Hail smirked and he and Mike vanished into the horizon

"Ok, I'm getting sick of this! Who do I sue?" Chelsee yelled.

"Don't bother! You'd have more luck in suing me for mimicking Gohan's Movie 9 walk." Ash said, running his hand through his huge mass of spiked locks. Chelsee began to complain, but Ash threw her a yam and she promptly shut up.

Then Ice Queen tackled him from behind, slamming a kick against the side of his head and sending him flying forward through another group of representatives.

"Isn't this a great business, Yamcha?" Galatea said, standing in the popcorn stand she had put up after the song had briefly ended so she could sell food to the authors watching.

"I'd say." Yamcha said.

Then Vegeta came crashing down through the stand, thrown by Ash's blasting through the group of representatives.

"THAT DOES IT! NOW I SMELL LIKE SALTY BUTTER!" Vegeta screamed, pulling himself from the ruined stand and leaping at Ash, as he got to his feet. At the same time, Ice Queen leapted at Ash again.

"Sigh, you never learn, do you Veggie-head?" Ash chided, and grabbed the saiya-jin prince in mid-leap. Vegeta's eyes widened as he gulped.

"Not again."

Then Ash spun around and hurled Vegeta into Ice Queen. She fell over with a yell of pain. Flipping to her feet, she yelled as Ash lanced forward and punched her in the face, kneed her in the gut, and then spun and axe-handled her through a huge plateau of rock that had been shoved up by Mike's earlier blast.

"Kamikaze Ghost Attack!" Ash yelled, as he put his hands together in a praying-esque gesture and concentrated. On each side of him, five ghost clones popped up.

"Hi! We're Ash's Ghosts! Aren't we scary?" said Ash's Ghost to Ice Queen. Ice Queen only respond was to whip another ki blast at the ghost. Unfortunately, it passed right through him and blew up the authors yet again.

"This joke is getting really old." JAT coughed.

"We're scary! We're scary!" said Ash's Ghost 1, as he and his companions made various faces at Ice Queen. Ice Queen only growled. Ash looked annoyed.

"Do your job boys!"

"Oh fine. We're only gonna live for about a minute, you might be nice and let us do one fun thing!" Ash's Ghost 1 said, and then he and his companions all flew at Ice Queen.

"ACK!" Ice Queen squawked, and flew off, Ash's Ghosts chasing her.

"Give it up, Mike. You can't beat me in this game!" Hail crowed. Behind him, Mike cursed and wished that he had picked a body that was more suited for Tiny Car racing then mass destruction.

Then Hail spotted Ice Queen flying across the sky.

"Hey Ice! How ya doing!" he said, waving to Ice Queen. Ice Queen glanced down and an idea popped into her head. She waved her hand and suddenly a lifelike mask of her face appeared in her hands.

"Hey Queenie, what are those things-HEY!" Hail yelled as Ice flew down and slapped the mask on Hail, before flying around behind him.

"Hey Ghosts! Look! It's me, Ice Queen, the girl that Ash sent you to blow up!" Ice Queen said, and then flew off.

"Let's get her boys!" Ash's Ghost 1 said, and flew at the masked Hail. Hail pulled at the mask, managing to lift it just as the ghosts closed in.

"Sis, what were you-IYEEEEE!"

Then the first ghost struck Hail, and he was consumed by an explosion. The other ghosts flew into the smoke cloud and blew up as well, causing an ever-expanding cloud of dust.

Behind Hail, Mike Steele braked to a halt as he saw this, and laughter exploded forth from within his massive metal frame.

"HA HA HA HA HA! It couldn't have happened to a nicer guy!" Mike roared.

Then two of the ghosts flew out of the smoke cloud, heading right at Mike.

"I think we missed him in all that dust…HEY LOOK OUT!" Said one of the Ash's Ghosts as they bared down on Mike.

"Oh no." Mike said in a dead tone.

Then he was blown up as well.

"Curses! They missed! I should have given them a higher IQ in place of extra explosive power!" Ash cursed as he watched the events happen from above. 

Then Ice Queen zapped into Ash from behind, sending him tumbling forward, but as Ash flipped forward, and his view switched to that of an upside down Ice Queen, he thrust his hands "above" his head.

"MASENKO!" Ash yelled, before he threw the golden blast at Ice Queen. Ice Queen smirked as she reared back her hand and whacked it aside. It flew off and blew up yet another assembled group of authors.

"Ok, does Ash secretly hate us, or what?" Silver Galaxy thought out loud as she wiped soot off her face.

"Oh come on Ash, is that your…" Ice Queen said before she realized Ash was gone.

"Where did…"

Then Ash slammed his laced fists down on Ice Queen, sending her rocketing downward. Ash threw up his hand as his entire arm was enveloped in a reddish pink ki aura.

"Here's another trick I swiped from Tynzien's Saga! NUCLEAR WINTER!" Ash yelled, and then sent the gigantic ki blast upward before it blossumed out into thousands of separate blasts. They rained down on Ice's falling form and drove her into the ground, before she was consumed with explosions.

As the smoke cleared from the Ghost attack, a battered Hail emerged from his destroyed clown car, only to see the furious barrage of Ash's attack heading for him as well.

"I hate this." Hail said, and then explosions consumed him too.

Ash floated down to the wrecked landscape, whipping up a wind to clear away the smoke. His eyes fell on Ice Queen, who was standing, bruised and beaten.

"Huh…you're a good fighter Ash…I expected no less…but I'm not done yet…you want to turn it it up a notch…so I think I'll turn it up TO MAXIMUM! BEHOLD THE TRUE POWER OF ICE QUEEN!" The female Ice-Jin screamed as she raised her arms and set them along with her legs as she began to growl in a way that eventually deepened into a roar. Ash threw up his hands as a windstorm whipped up and belted him with sharpnal.

Then Ice's muscle mass grew even larger, along with her height. As she grew taller, purple-pink jewel-like armour plating suddenly sprouted on the outer sides of her calves, on her wrists, and in the middle of her forehead as her hair suddenly flared up and formed itself into a four-pronged crown-like extension on her head. White armour sprouted on her shoulders and at the end of her tail as her eyes suddenly went a deep red. She grinned at Ash.

"And after I'm done with you, I think I'll have Chaozu as a snack!" Ice Queen said, before a metal sheet of armour slid over her mouth, completing the transformation. Ash stared at Ice Queen in Koola's Fifth form.

"This can't be good." Ash said.

Ice Queen leaping forward and uppercutting Ash into the ground quickly proved his assumption right.

Hail got up slowly, dusting himself off. Steele also got up, but very awkwardly. Hail looked at his watch dangling on barely, his Nike's ripped to shreads, his clothes tattered. Hail looked up and breathed.

"GOD DAMNIT! THAT WAS MY FAVORITE PAIR OF SHOES! YOU WILL PAY, NUGGET!" screamed Hail, firing up a godly aura and flying to the Saiya-jin. Steele looked on, saying nothing. Eventually he got an idea and took off running south. The authors, seeing a champion for their abuse, cheered.

"Has anyone seen nahognos?" someone said, but no one was paying attention.

****

Part Three: The Saiya-jin vs. The Ice-jins

Ash flew through the landscape, his body rocking up and down violently as he flew. 

"Owowowowowowowowowowow………………" he said, eventually stopping, far away from Ice. He shook his head to clear the cobwebs and opened his eyes to see Hail looking down on him.

"Huh?" said Ash, being grabbed and thrown upward suddenly. Hail then leapkicked, roundhousing him into the ground once more. Ash hit the ground, not being allowed any time to react. Hail appeared behind him, planting his knee in his spine. He grabbed his head like a ball, flinging him over his shoulder and into the ground. Ash's body hit the ground then bounced back up, being grabbed and lifted away by Hail. Hail flew quickly to a nearby factory, throwing Ash rapidly through the wall, smashing concrete. Hail grinned, then flew inside via the Ash sized hole. 

"This is not my day…."Ash muttered, finally having control long enough to stand up. He looked back and saw the trail of destruction leading to him.

"I don't know who that Ice-Jin is, but my money says he's gonna find me soon, so I'll make sure he gets a nice welcoming present." Said Ash, powering up in SSJ2, shaking the whole building. With a roar and a single punch, the whole factory collapsed, creating a huge dust cloud. Ash floated, waiting. He couldn't see the end of his own nose, the dust was so bad. He felt a slight vacuuming to his right and turned, watching. Suddenly the vacuum was to the left.

"Clever little Ice-jin. But not clever ENOUGH!" Ash yelled, leaping forward and grabbing Hail's foot as he sped past him. Hail stopped suddenly, but not before kicking Ash's neck and uppercutting him. Ash's head flew back, but he brought it forward once more, slowly. 

"You're good. Too bad you're no match for SSJ2 powered up." Said Ash calmly, bringing Hail forward and punching his jaw. Blood exploded from Hail's face as he reared his head back.

"WOW! YOU LOOK COOL!" said JAT, looking over her sister's new form.

"Shouldn't you be worrying about Ash?" said Chelsee while devouring her yam.

"Don't worry, my bro's taking care of it. Bro is strong, but I don't think he can beat Ash. Ash will be back, but in the meantime…..Who wants to do another song?" said Ice.

(Ice grabs a quitar, JAT a bass, and Chelsee walks to some drums. They begin to play the Foo Fighter's "Learn to Fly".)

Run and tell all of the Ice-jin

This could take all night

Think I need a Saiya-jin to help me get things right

Hook me up a new revolution

Cause this one is a lie

We sat around laughing and watched the last one die

I'm looking for my bro to save me

Looking for a sign of life

Looking for something to help me burn out bright

I'm looking for a complication

Looking cause I'm tired of lying

Make my way back home when I learn to fly

I think I'm done nursing the patience

I can wait one night

I'd give it all away if you give me one last try

We'll live happily ever trapped if you just save my life

Run and tell the Ice-jin that everything is alright

I'm looking to the sky to save me

Looking for a sign of life

Looking for something to help me burn out bright

I'm looking for a complication

Looking cause I'm tired of trying

Make my way back home when I learn to fly

Make my way back home when I learn to

Fly along with me, I can't quite make it alone

Try and make this life my own

Fly along with me, I can't quite make it alone

Try and make this life my own

I'm looking to the sky to save me

Looking for a sign of life

Looking for something to help me burn out bright

I'm looking for a complication

Looking cause I'm tired of trying

Make my way back home when I learn to

I'm looking to the sky to save me

Looking for a sign of life

Looking for something to help me burn out bright

I'm looking for a complication

Looking cause I'm tired of trying

Make my way back home when I learn to fly

Make my way back home when I learn to fly

Make my way back home when I learn to, learn to, learn to…

(Ice and her band take off their instruments.)

"That was fun." Said JAT

"I wonder what bro's doing."said Icy

Hail blocked Ash's kick, punching wildly. Ash jumped to the right before leaping forward and head butting him. However, the attack seemed to take as much out of him as it did of Hail, and they both flew back, breathing heavily. Hail's face was so soaked with blood, he could barely see. Ash, however, had only cuts and bruises. Hail was clearly getting his ass kicked.

"I'm disappointed, Ice-jin. Can't you power up or something?" Ash asked in a mocking tone.

"Gladly, Ash-hole." Said Hail. Hail then fired up an aura, increasing his muscle mass greatly.

"Full….power…….for you…..nugget……' said Hail, struggling to complete this power-up. Ash looked on in surprise and casually threw a blast. Hail swatted it away like a bug.

"I have GOT to learn to keep my trap shut." Ash muttered to himself.

"Try again. No, I think I will." Grinned Hail.

"Huh?"

"FREEZING RAINFALL OF DESTRUCTION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Hail fired the blast at Ash from point-blank range, sending him flying. As Ash fell and struggled against the blast, ice began to cover his body. He growled as he slammed into the ground, the ice overtaking him and causing a rising wall of ice. Hail smirked and simply watched. 

"Sucker. Don't mess with the best unless you wanna get messed!" he laughed. Without warning, the ice turned yellow, then red. Hail's eyes widened as the ice exploded, water flowing everywhere.

"…..No one is ever dead when the smoke clears……." Commented Hail.

"How very true, Hail. Or should I say, NAHOGNOS?" accused Ash, appearing behind Hail.

"What?" asked Hail, spinning around.

"You heard me. That last line was all the proof I needed to figure out you are really nahognos. Two author forms, very clever. However, the gig is up! I'm fighting Ice, not you, and besides, I'll not fight someone not worth my time, with such insignifigant power!" declared Ash, the last sentence laced with heavy sarcasm.

"Hmmm. You're not as dumb as the flamers say you are, Ash. It is I, nahognos. But in this form you shall address me as Hail." Said the Ice-jin. 

"Hail. Gotcha. And see ya." Ash said as turned his back and prepared to leave.

"NOT SO FAST!" screamed a new voice. Ash looked down to see Steele's robot form holding a large bowl of jello.

"Huh?" said Ash.

"Bill?" said Hail

"It is me, Billy Butt 69! I challenge you to a fight, Ash! No one rips me off and gets away with it!" yelled the goo.

"I thought Goku ate you! Oh well! I'll finish you off for even thinking you wrote Consuming Madness, you THIEF!" yelled Ash, growing more and more angry. Golden lighting began to crackle around his form, growing in magnifence every second.

"Don't write checks that your ass can't cash, ASS!" said Billy. Fred Durst looked around confused in his house, but resumed painting his toenails bright pink, giggling.

"I'll finish you off! HEAVEN SPLITTING VIOLENT LIGHT!" screamed Ash, unleashing the attack. Billy, in his gelatin form, waved his arms and the attack dissapeard.

"HEY! NO AUTHOR POWERS! You can't ever call yourself an author!" Ash yelled.

"I never agreed to that! And now that I am empowered by being on the blacklist of fanfiction.net, prepare to meet MY WRATH!" screamed Billy, changing shape into a 50 foot tall black demon with leathery wings. Ash looked on in horror as the flamer known as Billy growled an evil growl.

"No way! His power is too much!" yelled Ash.

Meanwhile, the two figures hovered a few miles away, watching it all intently.

"That fool! He'll ruin the entire plan! Quick, let's kill him!" shouted the smaller mystery man.

"Have a clear head, my friend. Billy will be defeated, don't worry. We can simply use his loss for our gain. I would be very interested in seeing this fight………" said the taller

The smaller one grinned evilly, then resumed watching.

"HEAVEN SPLITTING VIOLENT LIGHT!" screamed Ash, firing the attack once more. The attack hit the demon right-on, causing a dust cloud.

"ASH! REMEMBER THE DUST CLOUD RULE" Hail yelled suddenly.

"Huh? Right! KAMEHAMEHA! MASENKOU! MAKKANKOSAPPO! NUCLEAR WINTER! FINAL FLASH! RENZOKENEN SHINE SHINE MISSLE! BIG BANG! DIE YOU ASSHOLE!" screamed Ash, firing all the blasts at the cloud, making the dust cloud larger and larger. To finish it off, Ash held a ball of ki above him, easily as big as the Namek Genki Dama.

"SHEER SHINING CRYSTAL HELL CANNON BLAST!!!!!!" screamed Ash, throwing the ball. The ball went into the cloud, making the dust explode and cover everything in sight. Ash didn't flinch as the dust flew past him, blinding him. Hail covered his eyes and coughed loudly.

"Pant……pant……..pant………..asshole……….pant……pant……" wheezed Ash, exhausted.

"Nice one, ASS! I think I ALMOST got an itch!" yelled a deep voice, revealing itself to be the demon Billy Butt 69, unhurt.

"NANI? THAT WOULD HAVE KILLED A SSJ5!!!!!!!!" yelled Ash.

"Ash, you baka! He used author powers to make himself invulnerable! You can't hurt him!" yelled Hail

Ash growled. 

"How the hell do I beat this asshole?" he asked

"YOU DON-" said Billy, being suddenly cut off. Hail flew through the giant demon's neck, spurting blood everywhere. Billy grabbed his wounded beck and hissed loudly.

"TRAITOR!!!!!!!! YOU'LL DIE TOO!!!!!!!" screamed Billy, engulfing himself in a black flamed aura.

"Well, shit." Both Ash and Hail said simultaneously.

"FREEZING ICICLE STABBING BLAST!"

"Huh?" asked Hail, Ash, and Billy. A giant icicle impaled itself in Billy's chest, freezing his blood and his skin. Billy screamed out of pain, rage, and fear as he rocked back and forth, eventually falling forward. In the sky, the Ice Queen blew on one of her fingers.

Ash looked at Billy's frozen body, and then charged up a one handed blast.

"_Hasta la vista,_ Billy." Ash said, and fired, blowing the iced body into tiny pieces of ice.

"You ready to resume fighting or what?" Ice Queen yelled

Ash prepared to leave, but Hail stopped him.

"Ash, wait! You're too weak to fight her! Let me use author powers to heal you!" he said

"I'll pass. I can handle her." Ash said.

"But she's so much stronger! She's stronger than both of us! You haven't a prayer!" Hail almost yelled.

"You'd be surprised." Said Ash. There was a brief silence as Hail stared at Ash.

"Very well. And you have my promise to not interfere. Have a good fight, warrior." Said nahognos, saluting Ash he flew towards the final challenge.

"Now about our duel…" said Hail to Steele. The two walked off together, plotting their glorious battle of laser swords, thumb wresting, chugging contests, staring contest, breath-holding contest, racing by foot, racing by airplane, racing by spaceship, beer-ball…

Ash floated toward Ice and looked on. 

"So….it has finally come back to us……" said Ice

"One on one, as it was to be all along….."replied Ash

Ice nodded, moving forward and slamming her fist in Ash's face, sending him flying. Ash flipped to the ground in mid-flight, jumping up. Ice followed his movements and charged, slamming her body into his, knocking him downward. Not to be outdone, she flew below him and backhanded him upwards, back up. 

"What is, this, pong?" Ash muttered, before getting hit again. Ice continued to beat him, but eventually she let up, and allowed Ash to be buried somewhere in a nearby mountain.

"Come on nugget!" yelled Ice, before the mountain was literally picked up and tossed at her. Her eyes widened as the rock flew towards her, but she moved her hands to her side. White lightning danced around her as a fiery aura developed, growing larger and larger. Light eminated from her hands, swirling around in a circular motion.

"ICE……………….RAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" The white blast exploded from her hands, knocking her backwards. It screamed forward like a bullet, and shaped like one. As it dug into the mountain, another thing dug out of another hole. Ice was barely able to dodge to the right as the energy blast soared past, barely missing her. As her back was turned, the Ice Blast did its job and the mountain exploded, with giant icicles flying everywhere. She turned her head slightly, then brought her fist up as Ash tried to attack her from behind, cathcing him in mid-blow with a backhand,

"That's a no-no." She smiled. As Ash agonized, Ice Queen turned, slamming her fist in his side. Ash gasped for air as she brought back her tail in a graceful turn, slapping Ash. His head flew back, but he brought it up slowly again. Blood trickled down his face, but he grinned.

"That hurt, Ice. That really hurt. Now, it's my turn." He said, very cocky.

His arms and legs became a blur as the two danced across the sky, Ice avoiding blows as easily as they were fired off by her foe. Ash stepped up his effort, but Ice Queen continued to dodge, her body jumping back and forth, to the sides, up, down, back, almost looking like she was doing the machine gun dance.

"YARRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" screamed Ash, landing a blow to her face. Ice jumped back and screamed, clutching her face in agony. Her screams gracefully flowed into laughter, as she threw apart her arms and looked up suddenly, tail flashing. Her tail slashed and whipped above her head, somehow growing in length. The tail tried to whip him, and Ash zapped back and forth, the appendage barely missing each time.

In the end, he was too slow, and caught a blow to his chest. The follow-up blow snapped into his face, knocking him to the ground. As Ice watched Ash hit the ground, she heard a delightful *snap* as Ash's bones broke. Ice fell down, not even bothering to aim, and landed right on his legs. An even more pleasant crunching sound came as his legs were totally disabled. With two quick tail movements, Ash's arms were broken as well.

"Well, well, well……..What do we have here? I'd finish you now, but I never could take a helpless…sure I could!" she said cheerfully, lifting her arm and tossing Ash's death blast.

"NO!!!!!!!!!" scramed Hail, jumping in the way and deflecting the blast. Ice was surprised as Hail hit the ground with a thud.

"Bro? HAIL!" Ice screamed, running towards her brother.

"Heh…I obviously need more training…" remarked Hail, slipping into unconsciousness.

Ice's head shot up and turned in Ash's direction. She sent him a look that screamed _Look you asshole! I almost killed my brother! _Ash just grinned, and used what little muscles he had to move upward as much as he could, a whole centimeter. Ice grinned.

"Come on nugget, you can do it…I'll give you a nice doggy treat if you do!" she said, taunting him.

Ash looked up, a shimmer of gold flashing over his green eyes. Ice suddenly felt a giant jolt, and jumped back. Ash closed his eyes.

"The HELL?" she yelled, as lightning swirling around freely.

Ash's body slowly floated up as his wounds somehow healed themselves. Ash felt organs re-arranging themselves, going back to their normal positions. His bones made crunching and slurping noises as they grew back, rather painfully. Finally, Ash was completely healed. But he wasn't done. He immediately fired up an aura, a bright golden in color. Ice shielded her eyes from the sheer magnificence of it. Fire waved over his body, lighting it like some kind of gigantic Christmas tree. After one wave, his clothes were somehow all back together in one piece. His aura now grew to a good 15 feet above him, and Ice had to step back. He brought his arms to his side, the aura suddenly growing even stronger as he did so. Hail was picked up like a paper in the wind and sent flying, and even Ice was knocked back a few good feet. Lighting raced over Ash's body as he summoned more and more power. Ash's lips parted, and his vocal chords stirred. Suddenly, the world was touched by the voice of God.

"YYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" screamed Ash, firing up a godly aura, sending Ice flying. Wind and fire raced in waves over the Earth, destroying mountains in their paths. Earthquakes shook the land, the like of which no one has ever seen before. 

The ground slashed open, and the authors, hundreds of miles away, all fell in one such hole. All the DBZ characters were powered up to their fullest, including Goku. Only Goku was able to stand against the wrath or God, saving the helpless from falling into the Earth. He looked in the horizon, in SSJ2, and grinned.

"So……..He finally accomplished it….." Goku stated, drawing power beyond SSJ2 to ensure he was able to stand his ground.

Ash's eyes went completely white, and his eyebrows suddenly disappeared. His face chiseled out, making him look like some gargoyle. A storm developed, but its lightning was knocked away by the power below. Ash's shoulders grew, as well as his thighs. Soon his entire body grew with the sudden muscle mass, adding another foot to his height. Then, there was the hair.

Ash's hair glowed, so brightly not even Goku would be able to see. His SSJ2 hair grew upward, like a plant grows. It grew to about 5 foot, curving and curling and pointing in every direction imaginable. Ash finished his power up by shouting, and bringing his arms down suddenly. The ground gave out completely, creating a crater a mile in depth. You could not see where the crater ended in any direction. 

Then it was over, and Ash came down slowly, hovering where the ground used to be. His hair fell rapidly, resting against his back. Ash stood, waiting. Waiting for she who dared to challenge a Super Saiya-jin Level 3.

Ice woke up, extremely groggy. 

"Oh……..What hit me?" she said, jumping up. Her mind practically caught fire as she sensed an enormous ki to the right.

"The south? But the only one there is……my god….." she said, taking off towards Ash

"Kakarott…………GET OFF ME NOW YOU THIRD CLASS SAIYA-JIN!!!!!!" screamed Vegeta. Goku did not budge. Vegeta powered up to his max, and was somehow able to move Goku. He was still in SSJ3, but it seemed that he has also passed out. Vegeta looked on in confusion.

"It's like……it's like he went into shock from something…but what could send a SSJ3 into a shock?" Vegeta asked.

Ice flew to where Ash hovered, waiting.

"My…my god……" she breathed

"Now you see my power. Thank you for falling into my trick twice, Ice. If you hadn't almost killed me, I doubt I could've obtained SSJ3." He said heartlessly. Without warning, Ice jumped forward and attempted to punch him. This time, however, it was Ash to catch her blows effortlessly. Ice growled. 

"BROTHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" she screamed. Hail slowly came to, then flew over. She looked at him with a look of determination, and he shrugged. He lifted his arms, and suddenly Ice's wounds were healed. Ash did not move.

"Did my brother tell you we're part Saiya-jin? Well, we are. Real special, lab babies. It has many advantages. Here's one!" she yelled, as Hail shrunk into a ball of light. Ash's eyes widened as Ice grabbed it, absorbing it.

"OH BLOODY HELL!" Ash yelled. This time it was Ice's turn to power up.

The first thing you noticed was the cold. A wind came up, frosting over anything it touched. Ash powered up barely, and it melted the ice from his body. The second thing was the wind. Ash, however, barely noticed it. What he DID notice was Ice Queen's power more than double. Her shoulders, legs, and arms all almost doubled. She grew as tall as Ash was, which was very, very, very tall. Her delicate fingers grew into powerful claws, and muscles sprouted that would put Brolly to shame. She smiled.

"I quess you can call this 200% power…" she smiled evily. Ash brought himself to a battle stance.

Kuririn walked around, wondering why every Saiya-jin and Piccolo had all passed out. Then he felt it too. It was POWER. Steele was a bug compared to the power radiating from the south. The only way his brain kept its sanity was to pass out. Soon, only the authors remained. But even they could not take the power being radiated. One god was enough, but a second came that was equal to the first. It was madness.

Ice jumped forward, punching Ash's jaw. He brought his legs up backwards, then twirled and kicked her with both feet. She flew to the crater's bottom, slammed into it, and launched off. The crater grew by two miles in depth. It now stood ten miles from the center of the earth. Ash fired off punches, breaking the sound barrier with every motion. Ice countered perfectly, then managed to get a jab in. Ash was not dazed in the slightest, falling back and gathering ki. Ice stopped and gathered ki in both hands, tossing two balls. Ash did so, the two flying around in an ever-growing dust cloud. The air was soon filled with ki balls, flying everywhere. Both ran into some, exploding a blast bigger than Hiroshima ten times over. Approximately three blasts landed on the ground, hitting the crater. The crater increased its size by tunneling four miles below. A giant wind came up, Ash twirling around, Tasmanian devil style. Ice crossed her arms and grinned.

"Kami, power is good….." she grinned

The two characters rocked back and forth a little, but the taller did not flinch. The smaller fought to keep his ground, but was losing.

"The time comes rapidly. Go. Go and destroy." Said the taller, smiling evily. The shorter one took off towards the action. He put so much energy into his flight, his cap fell off.

The two danced again, dancing a battle of the gods.

"So tell me….what did you do to nahognos?" asked Ash, flawlessly dodging.

"He volunteered to lend his power to me. And his name is Hail when he's in that form!"

The two danced more, until Ice had an idea.

"Your shoelace!" she yelled. Ash looked down, and cursed himself. He didn't have shoelaces! A giant fist slammed into him, sending him into the crater. It increased by one mile in depth. Five to go.

Lightning flashed, illuminating Ice. Her form hovered above the crater, ki charging into her fist rapidly.

"This is a move my brother taught me." She said simply. She began charging up power for the Freezing Rainfall of Destruction blast. 

Ash thrust up his arms, powering up. He brought back his fists, and thrust them up again.

__

Come on, I need this attack! He thrust up his arms, adding more power to the ball above his head.

"HEAVEN…….."

"FREEZING…….."

"SPLITTING………."

"RAINFALL……….."

"ULTRA……….."

"OF………….."

"VIOLENT…….."

"DESTRUCTION!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"LIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

The two combatants fired their most powerful blasts, which met in the middle. Both were dug back. In Ash's case, it meant he was up to his waist in rock. They both sweated, re-arranging their hold for maximum results. Lighting wrapped around both and soared to the middle, sending off tiny explosions of light. Ice began to growl, thrusting more power.

Gogeta woke up first. 

"NANI? OH KAMI! IT'S REALLY HAPPENING!" he yelled, jumping up. The second he did so, a seeminly invisible force knocked him back down again. He howled in pain. Veggeto also stood up, but was knocked down. Both fusions stared long and hard at each other. They growled, and frantically jumped up. Again, they fell again. They both began powering up, screaming and hollering like the possessed, and jumping up, only to be knocked back down. Despite this, they both relentlessly competed to see who would be most worthy to stand up. Neither looked like he would win, yet both tried like mad. Vegeta woke up, and stared. Goku also stirred.

"Kakarott?"

"Yeah?"

"What the hell are our fusions doing?"

"I don't know. But I'll bet it's your Saiya-jin pride in them."

"WHAT? It's your stupidity!"

"I'm not stupid! Don't call me stupid!"

"You're also weak!"

"Hey, If I could get up, I'd kick your ass! I beat you every time we've fought!"

The two mightiest non-fused warriors in the DBZ world continued to bicker like old women. No matter what happened, that would never change.

It had been ten minutes already, and neither side chose signs of letting up. They both went as far as they could, then made themselves go farther. 

It was really an awesome sight to behold. A pillar of light so large it put the Empire State building to shame. Two blasts, one white, one blue, combined in the middle to form a VERY bright light. The small mystery man had to summon a great deal of power to continue moving. At this rate, it should only be about twenty minutes. He grinned.

Ash was getting in trouble. He had little energy left, and was growing increasingly tired. At this rate, he'd have only one minute left. Ice wasn't doing much better. She, like her foe, was literally sweating blood. She almost lost it, but quickly regained it. Ash saw something to his right, and turned to see of all people, Chaozu!

"Ash! Quick! Billy Butt's friends are coming! If you don't team up with Ice, we're all doomed!" he said quickly. Ash thought. Something wasn't right. Chaozu's hat was missing. And how is it the weakest fighter above Roshi was able to stand, while Gogeta probably couldn't?

"Is something wrong, Ash? We have to team up with her, quick!" pleaded Chaozu

Ash ignored him and directed his attention back to Ice. It would only be a matter of mere seconds now….then the strongest would be known! He could imagine a timer getting to ten seconds. He blinked away some blood from his right eye, and focused again on Ice. 

Nine.

Eight.

Seven.

Six.

Five.

Four.

Three.

Two.

BAM!

The blast exploded, one finally losing their grip. Ash was beaming! He won! He won! Then he looked up and saw the godly blast from Ice coming at him.

"SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!" he yelled, putting up his arms. He felt the blast against his skin as it screamed to peel away the layers, but he would not give in. He increased his power and yelled, thursting up his arms. 

Then, without warning, Ash lost the blast and was bathed in the hottest fire, so hot it was cold.

Ice's eyes widened. SHE beat HIM? She brought down her weary arms, feeling something at the back of her head. A white light came out of her, and developed into Hail.

"Thanks, bro!"

Hail said nothing. He looked down and saw Ash screaming in the fiery light. He saw a dark figure throw about his limbs in obvious pain, and could even see the screaming.

"NO!" he yelled firing a healing blast to save Ash. The blast made it right above Ash before it was hit away like a baseball. 

It was Chaozu, clutching a bonk stick.

"NANI?!?!?!?!?!" Ice and Hail yelled. Chaozu looked up, his white skin now very dark. On his forehead was a mark, but it was not a 'M'. Rather, it was a 'F'. 

"'F'?" said Hail

Chaozu was now in front of him. He was just on the ground miles away, but was suddenly THERE. With a quick swing of the bonk stick, Hail was knocked off the planet. Ice, back to her stage 5 power, readied a battle stance.

"DIE CANCER PATIENT!" she yelled, throwing herself at the evil bonk stick using monster. Chaozu swung the stick, hitting her knee. She fell to her knees, crying in pain. Bringing the stick up in an upward movement, Chaozu took Ice out of the fight as well. Chaozu grinned. Then, his taller companion arrived.

****

Part Four: The Monster vs. The Authors

He wore a long, dark black robe. The robe covered his legs and arms, as well as his face completely. On his chest was a fire icon, with a 'F' on it. You could not see his face, but you could see his evil glowing red eyes.

"Master." Said Chaozu, bowing.

"Indeed. This is a great day. Ash the Wanderer, Ice Queen, nahognos/Hail, all taken out. Their most powerful are gone and dead. This will be a great day! A day of conquest! A day of evil! THE DAY OF THE FLAMER! BWAHWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Ash suddenly opened his eyes. His whole body ached. He rubbed his head, feeling the large lump. He also noted that he was out of SSJ3. This alarmed him enough to summon enough strength to get up and hover away slowly. He was vaguely aware of a robed figure laughing above him. He growled, and attempted to heal himself via author powers. To his incredible shock, he couldn't. 

"Nani?!?!? What is this? It must be that robed guy! He must have possessed Chaozu! DAMN HIM!" he yelled, throwing up his clenched fist in fury. He yelped in pain immediately.

"Owowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowothathurtowowowowowowowo" he said, flying away slowly.

Hail suddenly awoke, finding himself covered in snow. Quickly jumping up, he shivered. He immediately kicked and punched the air, attempting to warm himself.

"A cold Ice-jin? Never thought I'd see the day. But you're not an Ice-jin, are you?"

Hail turned around quickly. There was an old man, shivering in the cold. He had no hair, but a gentle enough appearance. His white eyebrows highlighted his blue eyes. At his side was a wooden cane, which seemed as old as him. Wrinkles covered his entire face. He wore a white robe, with a sign in the chest area, a drop of water. On the symbol was a 'T'. 

"Who are you?" demanded Hail.

"Ah. He speaks. Come nahognos, allow me to explain everything in a warmer environment." Said the man.

"What? HEY! MY NAME IS HAIL!" he yelled, defiantly.

"Changing your form does not make you a new man." The old man walked into the blowing wind, out of sight.

"Huh? HEY! Come back here!" Hail said to no one. Shivering, he powered up an aura and followed. Not even the warming glow of the aura could keep the cold away.

JAT was busily healing her sister. She had suffered an extreme blow to her forehead and her legs. JAT had her eyes closed, with a light white healing aura around her. She opened her eyes, and looked right into the eyes of Chaozu.

"……Hihi?" JAT said weakly, rushing Ice's healing. Chaozu did not change his look. It was a look of evil intents. JAT tried to ignore him, hoping he would hold back. She was so close to healing her sister! 

Chaozu opened his mouth slowly.

"I'm really tired of this cancer patient bullshit." He said. With a swift motion, he backhanded JAT into the ground. 

"WHEN I'M THROUGH WITH YOU, YOU'LL BE THE HOSPITAL PATIENT!" he yelled, rushing towards JAT. He was suddenly stopped by Ice Queen. A very, very, very angry Ice Queen.

"NO ONES HURTS MY LITLE SISTER!!!!!!!" she screamed, delivering an extremly painful punch right in the jaw. Chaozu's whole body was thrown backward. He stopped himself after a couple hundred feet, clutching his face. Ice watched him attempt to re-locate his jaw, but he eventually let it go. It made a slight ripping sound as his lower jaw fell off his face.

"I'll bet that was painful." Said Ice, assuming a battle stance. Chaozu had already assumed full battle stance. He seemed to radiate defiance.

"Let me show you how you power up!" she screamed, throwing her all into gathering ki.

Ash eventually made it miraculouly to the authors. They had all recovered as best they could, and now seemed to be waiting. Ash fell in the middle of the group, throwing upa slight cloud of dust.

"I need someone to heal me! Now!" he yelled. No one moved.

"Huh? Galatea! Silver Galaxy? Chelsee? ANYONE?" he pleaded.

"Away, you plagarist!" someone yelled. The crowd moved aside to reveal nahognos.

"What the hell?"

"You heard me! Everyone knows you ripped off Consuming Madness!" 'nahognos' said.

"Hail? You changed back into nahognos? And what are you talking about? You know I wrote that!" Ash said.

"Don't lie, you son of a bitch! Bill wrote that story long ago! You ripped him off!"

"……What? You honestly believe Billy Butt 69 wrote Consuming Madness? Surely you jest!" Ash laughed. No on laughed with him. "……You actually think **I** ripped **HIM** off?"

"Not think, know!" Chelsee yelled. The group closed in on Ash. Ash looked around desperately, looking right at nahognos. A fire glistened in his eyes.

"It's you! YOU'RE THAT ROBE GUY CONTROLLING CHAOZU!" he yelled, jumping up before he remembered his battered body. He yelled in pain, while 'nahognos' approached him slowly.

"What makes you assume I'm the Flamer?" he asked. Ash's eyes widened.

"The what?" 

"I'm not who you think I am. No." he said, moving closer. He then whispered in his ear, "That's really too bad for you. But the Flamer and I have the same foes. Unfortunately, he's too close to victory. Go. Go and kill him. No one will help you. If you fail, I'll take your soul for all eternity." Ash was suddenly thrown up, followed by a white blast. Instead of hurting him, the blast healed him completely, while simultaneously sending him flying. As he landed into yet more mountains, Ash suddenly disliked not having author powers.

"You are not an Ice-jin. You hide your true powers, why?" asked the old man. The two had made their way to a small hut. The small fire somehow filled the room with warmth, which pleased Hail greatly.

"I'm not hiding anything. And what the hell you mean I'm not an Ice-jin?" asked Hail, moving his white hair aside from his face.

"Exactly. Ice-jin don't have hair. You could be so much more powerful if you were to transform. Or have you? Hard to tell with hybrids."

"Will you speak some sense old man?"

"Fine. Do you know who I am?" the old man said, leaning on his cane.

"Some crazy old dude!" was the sharp answer.

"Incorrect. I am many things. I am respect, I am admiration, I am ability. You may call me the Talent."

"The talent?" said Hail, once again moving his hair aside. The old man smiled warmly.

"Yes. But do you know who your foe is?" said the Talent.

"Ash?"

"No."

"Chaozu?"

"No."

"Uh…Elmo?" he said, scratching his head.

"Definitely not."

"Al Gore?"

"He's everyone's foe."

"Britney Spears?"

"You are obviously joking. Or an idiot."

"Those damn little junk mail guys?"

"…….No…….."

"Hitler?"

"No."

"Hitler's clone?"

"No."

"Hitler's other clone?"

"Stop ripping off SomeRandomGuy."

"You?"

"Absolutely not."

"An author?"

"Close."

"Who?"The old man smiled once again.

"Shortly after your defeat, your main foe revealed himself. He is known as-"

"The Flamer!"

"Yes…so you know him?" said the old man

"Yes! No! I don't know! How can I?" said Hail, moving aside his hair once again. The man's smile turned into a grin.

"You are not a natural being. You believe you and your family are lab created. But your sister Ice Queen has crystal formations. So how can she be related to you?"

"She has hair!"

"Indeed. As does your sister JAT. But JAT does not have crystal formations either."

"We know we're a family! Little things like crystal formations don't matter!"

"What about your brother?" 

Hail froze. (No pun intended) 

"Brother?"

"Oh, that's right. You don't know yet. Don't look so confused, it's not THAT complicated. A total of 4 siblings. 2 female, 2 male. If you must know, his name is Zechs. Not that Gundam Zechs. He is a Saiya-jin."

"NOW I'm confused. I suddenly have a brother, a Saiya-jin brother no less, that I've never heard of, yet he's always been there?" demanded Hail.

"You came out of basically thin air. Why can't he?" 

Hail was silent for a while.

"Where is he?"

"On Earth. He's the body the Flamer is using for power. His form has been changed, but should the Flamer decide to leave that body, your brother would return. But I doubt that will happen. It could be worse, you could know him." 

Hail was wordless. He had a brother! A brother! Incredible! The thoughts of hapiness were soon replaced by extreme rage. Some THING possesed HIS brother! 

"I'LL MAKE HIM PAY WITH HIS LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!" Hail screamed, developing a ki.

"Not with you being as weak as you are. Ash beat you to a standstill when he was at SSJ2. The Flamer would crush you." Replied the Talent, suddenly weezing and leaning heavily on his cane.

"You all right?!?" yelled Hail, helping him.

"*wheeze* I'm fine….*cough*……I need your help…." Said the Talent.

"What is it?"

"Someone…….masquerading as you……turned authors against Ash…..and deactivated his author powers………." The Talent sounded like he was dying. He coughed up some blood, but wiped it away.

"Since I'm the Talent…….if there is only hate…….I cannot thrive………You must help Ash win……..defeat the Flamer……."

"How? You said he was too strong!"

"Ever……ever watch that……episode of DragonBallZ where……where the Namek elder……he awakens hidden powers?"

"Yes! Can you unlock my powers? Said Hail, moving his hair away from his face once more.

"…….it will be hard……and I am so……I'm so…… *cough*" The Talent coughed more blood and pressed all his weight on his cane. Hail quickly moved a chair to him. The Talent sat down slowly, then continued.

"So weak……..give me your hand……and kick some Flamer ass……"

Ice Queen kicked downwards to Chaozu, then punched rapidly. Chaozu threw the blows aside and punched her in the gut. Despite him not having his lower jaw, he seemed to smile evily. Ice Queen punched Chaozu suddenly with an uppercut, cringing at the squishing sound of her fist meeting Chaozu's face. Chaozu flipped over, but landed on his feet only a few feet away, as he flew at her rapidly. Plowing through her, he continued to JAT and grabbed her. The second his hand met her, an evil red glow appeared. Tiny white balls of energy flowed from JAT to Chaozu, healing his jaw. When it was healed, he smiled.

"Your usefulness has come to an end." Chaozu suddenly threw her in the air, followed by a blast. Ice Queen arrived right there as she saw JAT get blown apart. With a swift motion, Chaozu was able to decapitate Ice Queen with a ki blade. As her head rolled to the ground, Chaozu laughed and stepped on it casually.

"Bitch."

Hail suddenly lurched forward.

"AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SIS!!!!!!!!!!! NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Hail screamed, throwing his arms aside. He was totally unaware of a huge aura that had developed around him, blowing everything away. The Talent was the only thing not in motion. Hail was screaming, powering up to a level never before known by him. His pupils went to an errie white. His skin grew completely black, shining. Dark navy blue crystal formations appeared, growing and pointing out into wicked blades. His hair straightened out more, becoming rigid. His hair now spiked up in every direction, starting up at his forehead. It reached halfway down his back, glowing white.

"Impressive……….." the Talent said weakly. Super Hail looked at him.

"I GOTTA AVENGE SIS!" he screamed, lighting racing across his body.

"Don't…worry…they're…alive…*cough*…that…wasn't…real……." Hail calmed down, staying at his current state of power.

"In-fucking-credible! I feel GREAT!" he said, testing himself by kicking and punching. He turned his gaze towards the Talent.

"But if you pull that shit any more, you won't have to worry about the Flamer, you'll have me to deal with."

"Fine……go…..go and……….fight……." said the Talent, falling unconscious. Hail was startled, but realized he was only unconscious. Hail then stepped outside, summoning his strength once more. Firing up a godly ki, he blasted off the nameless planet and approached Earth.

Chaozu stared at Ice Queen. She was at her full power, her stage 5 transfomation. As she breathed, visible air escaped her lips. Her power was so great, it was …….cold?

"TIME TO DIE YOU LITLE BITCH!!!!!!!!!" She rocketed towards Chaozu, slamming her punch into his stomach. With her current strenght, her incredible momentum, and her body weight, Chaozu's body was simply a wet paper bag for her to pop. She sailed past him, smiling. Chaozu stood still, blinking. He looked down slowly in disbelief as his organs fell slowly out of his body. His eyes rolled to the back of his head as he fell into the ground. JAT looked at him and promptly vomited. Ice Queen wiped the blood off herself, then walked to him. She rummaged around, eventually finding her prize: the bonk stick. 

"Ha! No one is gonna mess with me now!"

"I beg to differ." Said the Flamer, arriving slowly and dramatically. His robe fluttered and moved as the wind blew past. His eyes glowed a bright red in the darkness of his face. He seemed to be….smiling. Smiling like he knew his opponent stood no chance, and that he would surely best her without any effort.

Ash sailed through the sky, searching. He detected 3 major kis. Two to where he assumed Ice was. One was her, the other had to be the Flamer. The third was in space, approaching rapidly. He guessed he'd arrive in 15-20 minutes. 

"No! Ice hasn't a prayer against him! I have to stop him!" he said, powering into SSJ. 

And then, without any warning, Ash found five figures blocking his way. Goku, Gogeta, Veggeto, Agony, and Majin Buu.

"What?" said Ash, dodging a punch from Veggeto. "What the hell is this?" He was being surronded on all sides.

"Less talk, more killing. Let's dance." Said Gogeta. The ballot began.

Veggeto threw apart his arms, gathering energy. His hair glowed bright yellow, eventually breaking through SSJ and into SSJ2. Gogeta growled as he approached SSJ4 slowly, hair sprouting on his body. Agony grinned as her hands grew into large claws, her body crackling with black lighning. Majin Buu grunted and fired up an aura worthy of Goku. Speaking of Goku, he was already in SSJ3. All five warriors had a 'F' on their foreheads.

"Steele, it is pointless to resist." said Agony

"Steele? I'm Ash!"

"We are far your superiors." Said Veggeto

"Don't let Steele know that, he'd be pissed!"

"In every single way imaginable." Said Buu

"Only in the sanity level. That boy's nuttier than chinese chicken salad."

"We also outnumber you five to one." Said Gogeta.

"You must be looking for Steele. Oh well, you got me instead."

"Surrender, or die. You have no allies." Said Goku. Ash growled and fired up an aura, going SSJ3.

"Bring it!" he yelled. He jumped forward, tackling Goku. Throwing punch after punch, he hammered into Goku. Goku growled and jumped back several times, then disappearing. Appearing behind Ash, he flipped into a kick which sent Ash flying. He waved his arms around, white light radiating from the cracks in his fists. He then began tossing blast after blast, drilling into Ash. Ash threw up his arms and made a ki shield, but was being driven back.

"Shit! This possession shit really ups the power!" he yelled.

And then there was silence. 

All 5 warriors were on the ground, cringing in pain. Ash looked around, bewildered. He had to avert his gaze from the sky. A man, bathed in pure white light, slowly lowered himself to Ash's level.

"St…..St……STEELE? STEELE!" Ash yelled. Mike Steele smiled.

"I think they're looking for me." He said. He immediately looked at Veggeto, Agony, Goku, and Buu.

"Those four are mine. Try to handle Gogeta. Oh, by the way. Good luck, Eric." Said Steele, lifting his glowing hands at the four warriors. A light emaciated from his arms, throwing the 4 back. Steele grinned and flew forward, keeping them at bay. Meanwhile, Gogeta prepared to engage Ash.

To understand the evil the authors were battling, you must understand the Flamer. The Flamer is not an individual, nor the author on FF.Net with the same moniker. Rather, he is an entity. He is the hate, the jealousy, the anger, the evil radiated from the flamers. Eventually the evil was so strong it became a shapeless entity. It found Zechs, the Ice-jin brother, and took his body to acquire a form. He mutated it to his needs, and went about destroying Ash. Most of the anger and evil being directed at Ash, the Flamer had great instincts to destroy the fanfic writer. Just as the Flamer was created from evil, the Talent was made from good. If one grows strong, the other weakens. If the hate or the friendship becomes scarce, one weakens. If the Flamer succeeds in his quest to become absolute, the Talent will die and wither away. The result would be wars everywhere across the universe, and hate in the hearts of every being in existence. To be allied with the Flamer is to sell your soul to the devil. To stand against him is certain death.

Well, maybe not. But flaming in itself is evil, and as the pure manifestation of such evil, the Flamer is immensely dangerous to all fanfiction. The only ones that dared to oppose the evil are Ash the Wanderer, Ice Queen, her brother Hail and sister JAT, and Mike Steele. The Flamer recognized this, and will do anything to stop them. But the unknown factor, the nahognos impersonator, might just change the scales slighly. He might stop a splash against the ocean of wrath that was the Flamer's rage.

The Flamer closed his eyes and looked down, grinning.

"You know, this is going to be rather fun. Now I can destroy not only your brother, but your entire weak family." Ice was dumbfounded.

"IF YOU LAY ONE HAND ON HAIL…"

"Silence, woman! I was not talking about the weak one known as nahognos! I was talking about the true powerhouse of your family, the Saiya-jin!"

"The…Saiya-jin?"

"Ha! You don't even know about your Saiya-jin brother!" the Flamer taunted. 

Then the Flamer removed his hood. A Saiya-jin face stared back at Ice. The Saiya-jin had black hair, which spiked downwards. His eyes glowed red, and the glow left a line wherever he moved his head. The Saiya-jin laughed evily.

"Look Ice Queen! It is your brother! Or what's left of him, anyway!" he laughed.

"You…you…BASTARD!" she screamed, rocketing forward. The Flamer barely flinched as she slammed her body into him, in a way similar to when she defeated Chaozu. Her body sagged and fell immediately.

"Oh, did the little Ice Queen hurt herself? Aww…poor BITCH!" He yelled, grabbing her roughly. He then slammed his fist into her face over and over, laughing. Soon his limbs became a blur and Ice Queen wasn't sure of which way to fall.

The four warriors were being pummeled by a laughing Steele.

"Come on! You can do better!" said Steele, dodging every blow with no effort.

"Heeeeeyyyyyyyyy…IDEA!" smiled Steele.

"Huh?" said Goku. The four warriors suddenly found themselves behind a pedastal, lined up in row. They were in a cheply done trivia game show room, with Steele as the host. Steele himself changed into a cheap suit and wore a plastic smile.

"Hellllllllllllllo lady and gentlemen! This is…DBZ OR DIE!" The audience began to laugh. Agony poked her pedastal. Goku just looked confused.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?" yelled Veggeto

"This is DBZ OR DIE! Get a question right, and you're one step closer to the final round! Get one wrong, and BAM! Major ouchies for all to share! The first section is DUB TO SUB. Translate the image of something to their true Japanese counterpart. QUESTION ONE!"

The four scratched their heads as a lady walked out with a tray of french fries.

"The hell is this?" said Veggeto. Immediately a large anvil dropped on his head. Veggeto's body was squashed into the ground (think Bugs Bunny) and got up slowly, cursing. Sticking his finger in his mouth, he began to blow. Soon he re-inflated himself.

"Uh…Freeza?" said Goku. Steele was stunned. 

"Uh…yes…yes…you're right? Goku is right?!?" said Steele. Soon another woman walked out, carrying some salt and pepper shakers.

"SOLT AND PEPPOR! GOTTA BE THEM!" yelled Buu.

"NOPE! That's Chrono Cross! WRONG!" A spear flew from no where and stuck itself in Buu's forehead. Buu complained loudly and attempted to take it out, but met with no success.

"Oh, for heaven's sake…." Said Agony, slicing off the spear neatly. Buu's skin wrapped over and absorbed the spear remnants.

"Garlic Jr.'s gang?" said Goku. Steele's jaw dropped again.

"…Yes……..NEXT!" he impatiently yelled. Yet another woman walked out. She was transporting a copy of the Disney movie Hercules.

"That guy from that Hercules TV Show?" guessed Agony. Immmediately a battle axe dropped on her and split her in half. As Buu laughed, she pushed off the axe and regenerated.

"Son of a bitch! Why didn't I like that!?!" she yelled. A dart lodged itself in her buttocks and she yelled again.

"I turned off your pain powers. It was only fair."

"AHHHH!!!!!! GOD DAMNIT!" Another dart found its way to her right thigh.

"Don't curse, Agony." Said Steele calmly.

"FUCK THAT! OWWW!!!!!!! GOD DAMNIT!! OWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!! MOTHER FUCKING OWW!!!!! PIECE OF HORSE SHIT! OOOOWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!" Darts were freely soaring into's Agony body.

"Each dart can knock out 20 elephants. She'll do herself in soon enough." Smiled Steele. Sure enough, after only a few hours of cursing and screaming, Agony was asleep on the floor. Well, sort of. There were so many drugged darts in her, nothing could touch her skin. Steele and the others had long fallen asleep, and they all woke up to the odd sudden silence.

"Zzzzz…what? Huh? She's asleep? Wow…let's continue with the game. The second part is KNOW YOUR RACES. What is this person a member of?" Suddenly, an image of Piccolo appeared.

"A weakling!" yelled Buu. Buu then attempted to remove the rather sizable dagger placed in his neck. 

"A Namek-jin." Said Goku. Steele smiled, then showed an image of Kaioubit.

"A Kaioshin!" yelled Buu. Buu then set to work removing the broken broom stick from his anal section of his anatomy. 

"That would be a fusion." Replied Goku. Steele frowned, then showed his last slide. It was of Zarbon.

"…I don't know what the HELL that is." Said Buu, dodging a dart. Buu was placed under a rocket engine in seconds, burning him into ashes.

"That is a member of the species known as the Tarlos."Goku replied. Everyone's jaws dropped.

"I didn't even know that!" said Steele.

"Hell, even **I** didn't know that!" said Zarbon. Zarbon was quickly drugged for cursing.

"Uh…right…final round……Veggeto and Goku……….this is a sudden death round….." said Steele with great uncertaintly.

"GET ON WITH IT YOU STUPID SON OF A BITCH!" yelled Veggeto. With a gaze, Steele brought Veggeto out of existance.

"That's why it's called sudden death. Anyway, Goku wins!" said Steele

"YAY! WHAT'D I WIN" celebrated Goku, jumping up and down. Steele removed his body that allowed him physical form, revealing his true self to Goku. Goku was blown away and blinded by the sight. Steele grew back into his body smiling.

"You win the chance to see my true form." He grinned

"Well, we're all outta time, so, uh, lets get on with **THE QUEEN VS THE WANDERER**!

Gogeta crossed his arms, smirking. 

"Let's see, a SSJ4 vs. a SSJ3. Gee, I wonder who'll win?" commented Gogeta.

"Me." Said Ash, suddenly powering up. Soon, he was at SSJ3.

"LET'S RUMBLE!" yelled Gogeta, leaping forward. He brought his arm out to punch, but Ash dodged it with minimal effort. Swinging his foot up, Ash landed three quick punches on Gogeta. Gogeta was knocked back, but managed to fire away two shots at the Wanderer. Ash dodged one, but was hit by the second. Temporarily stunned, Gogeta was able to place Ash in a head grip.

"HA! Gotcha! Pretty strong for a SSJ3!" remarked Gogeta.

"I……am not finished!" Ash yelled, powering up even more. His pupils faded, and his aura grew darker gold.

"Nani?" yelled Gogeta, losing his grip.

"Meet Super Saiya-jin Ash The Wanderer. Version 3.2." he smiled. Suddenly yelling, he landed 4 good hits on Gogeta's chest, knocking him backwards. Grabbing his body with both hands, Ash lunged forward and swung around, tossing Gogeta in the process. As Gogeta's body was sent soaring, Ash lifted his right arm and concentrated. Energy crackled around him as a holgraphic image developed in front of him, developing into a crosshair. Ash smiled and yelled, pumping all the energy possible into his arms. His sweat sizzeled away as lightning danced on his body. Using some of his power, Ash fired the crosshair at Gogeta. Gogeta was aware enough to know only that he was flying and that there was a ki crosshair image stuck on his butt. 

"PERVERT!" yelled Gogeta, still flying. Ash grinned and held up an energy ball twice the size of a basketball in his hand.

"READY!" he yelled, cocking his arm back.

"AIM!" he yelled, finishing up his energy ball.

"FIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" he screamed, throwing the ball with all his might. It broke the sound barrier as it soared to Gogeta, by Gogeta, and past Gogeta. Both Ash and Gogeta smiled as Gogeta put on the brakes in the air.

"Missed. KAMEHAMEHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" screamed SSJ4 Gogeta, firing the blast at Ash. Ash responded with his own Kamehameha, neutralizing Gogeta's blast. Gogeta struggled, then pushed forward, shoving his blast to the halfway to Ash mark. He pushed again and quickly halved the distance again.

"DIE FOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" yelled Gogeta, moving the blast within inches of Ash's face.

"YOU FIRST!!!!!!!!" yelled back Ash, as the ball he threw earlier came back around and promptly inserted itself up Gogeta's butt. Gogeta shuddered, as Ash's blast easily overthrew his and hit Gogeta head on. Gogeta screamed, however high pitched, in the blast's wake. As soon as Ash ceased the blast, Gogeta fell. His body was charred and burnt, but he got up. Ash looked on in disbelief.

"Not…….enough…….to……..kill…….me…….." wheezed Gogeta. Ash smirked.

"AND EXPLODE!!!!!!!!!!!!" he yelled, closing his open hand into a fist. Gogeta's eyes went wide as the blast still up his rectum exploded, taking most of his lower back with it. Gogeta turned around, saw a very large hole on his butt (again, no pun intended) and fell over unconscious.

"Yech! As effective as that was, the Ready Aim Fire and Explode Ball was too sick. I'm never using that again! YECH!" said Ash, flying to the Flamer and the Ice Queen.

****

Part Five: The Monster vs. The Wanderer (and Hail!)

The Flamer had finally grown bored, and with a contempuous sound, tossed Ice's badly wounded body away.

"I grow tired of this. I wish I didn't kill that fool Ash so quickly. I wonder if those five killed Steele yet."

"You thought I died? Hello. WAKE UP CALL!" said Ash, landing gracefully.

"Don't forget me!" said a smiling Steele, landing to Ash's right.

"I want some action too." Said Hail, landing to Ash's left. He looked over and saw his two wounded sisters.

"Pss! Looking good Hail!" smiled Ash

"And you as well. Now, to deal with the asshole! YOU'RE MINE!" screamed Hail, jumping forward, slashing at the Flamer's face. The Flamer dodged Hail's blows like he was in slow motion. Hail cursed and increased his power even more, unloading everything he had on him. The Flamer seemed to grin, and used only one arm to dodge. 

Then Ash jumped in, and the Flamer found himself dealing with a Super Ice-jin from Hell and a SSJ3. Steele didn't move.

"HELP US STEELE!" yelled Ash, still punching and kicking as fast as he could.

"………"

"HEY, YOU ASSHOLE! HELP!" screamed Hail, still punching air.

"………"

"You know what to do, Steele. Don't you?" said the Flamer cooly.

"Yes…Yes I do………………………my master." Said Steele. Ash and Hail stopped moving.

"…Your master?" breathed Ash. Steele did not move.

"Oh. Fuck. And. Me." Said Hail. The Flamer grinned with the Saiya-jin face that was not his. 

"Yesssss…Steele obeys me. I was so busy enslaving him, I was almost hitable by you two idiots. Almost." He said, smiling.

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" yelled Hail, grabbing the Flamer by his neck.

"YOU ASSHOLE!" he yelled, headbutting him.The constant impact caused Hail's own forehead to split open, but Hail continued headbutting him. But eventually Hail ran out of energy and rage and eased his grip. Then and fell over, his own blood covering his face.

"Is it just me or did he just beat himself up?" mocked the Flamer.

"God damnit, I gotta pick better allies…" Said Ash muttered.

"Well…uh…shit…I was gonna make you watch him die or something…but…uh...um…well, shit. I guess we skip ahead to me and you fighting." Said the Flamer, scratching his head.

"Uh…right! YOU'LL NEVER WIN!" yelled Ash.

"YOU ARE PUNY COMPARED TO MY POWER!" The Flamer yelled back.

"YOU CAN NEVER DEFEAT ME!" countered Ash.

"YOU ARE NOT WORTH MY TIME!" The Flamer yelled back.

"MERRY CHRISTMAS!" yelled Ash.

"AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!" screamed the Flamer.

"IS IT JUST ME, OR IS THE CAPS LOCK STUCK ON?" screamed Ash.

"PROBABLY. HEY ASH OR NAHOGNOS, WHOEVER'S WRITING THIS PART! TURN OFF THE CAPS LOCK! HEY!" yelled the Flamer

"HEY! HEY! YEAH, YOU! WE'RE TALKING TO YOU! TURN OFF THE CAPS LOCK! Hey! Hey, what do you know? That's better. Thanks!" smiled Ash.

"Where were we?"

"Uh…we were using incredibly cheesy lines to taunt each other."

"What type of cheesy lines?"

"Uh…you can never defeat me, your power in insignifigant compared to mine, blah blah blah."

"Right! Um…Let's just fight, this is confusing!"

"But we can waste so much more space!"

"I think the fans just wanna see us fight."

"Really? Both of them?"

"Not funny."

"Sorry. I'm supposed to be saying stuff like that" said the Flamer.

"So jump at me and try to punch me."

"Been done so many times already in this fic."

"Huh?"

"Geez man, it's been done every fight. Think of something new, like firing a blast and appearing behind them."

"Think that's be a good idea?" asked Ash

"Yeah." Said the Flamer. With a swift motion, Ash chucked a ki blast at his foe's face, then jumped behind him. As he jumped, he twirled his body around to slam into him from behind. Firing two blasts at the ground and flying as fast as he could, Ash disappeared into space. The Flamer thudded into the ground, burying himself in dust. Ash smiled and thrust out his arms, his eyes glowing an eerie white. Rock hands appeared out of the ground and one grabbed the Flamer, the other getting a large rock body out of the ground. Ash smiled and flew into the rock creature's mouth. Sitting in a seat, Ash grabbed the controls. 

"DRAGONDUM ASHROCK! GO!" he yelled as cheesily as he could, slamming his fist into the now tiny Flamer. Ash grinned.

"This rock monster was inspired by the Gundam!"

"Yeah, too bad it's made outta rock and not metal!" yelled the Flamer, building a fireball above his head. The middle of the fireball suddenly snaked out and slammed into Ash's rock whatchamacallit, burning it. Ash yelled and started hitting buttons, but was suddenly aware the Flamer melted most of his rock monster.

"Well, uh, damn! Not many fires can eat THROUGH ROCK!" yelled Ash, hitting the big red button. 

"SECRET WEAPON OF MASS DESTRUCTION THAT LEAVES A BOO-BOO THAT WILL NEED A BAND-AID!" he yelled, as the rock monster picked up its own head and threw it at the Flamer. The Flamer blasted it to smittereens before it hit, and Ash's jaw dropped.

"Uh………….well, I guess this was a huge waste of time and effort." said Ash. Jumping out of his thingamabob, Ash slammed his fist into the Flamer's face. Swinging his foot around, Ash crushed the Flamer's legs with a swift blow. Powering up a kiezan, Ash threw it at the Flamer with a heart full of rage.

****

Inappropiate Interlude

A lone man was scribbling in a dark, lonely dungeon. He looked up and shielded his eyes from the sudden light of the door opening.

"H…Hello? Eric? Did you bring food or water? I'm so hungry, let me go! Please!" the desperate man named Ian "nahognos/Hail" Wilson.

"Ian! That last part was terrible! You can't kill the Flamer that easily! And the rock thing was stupid. Dragondum Ashrock? The Gundamn fans are gonna have my ass! I don't even watch Gundam Wing! You're desecrating my fic!" Eric "Ash the Wanderer" Mersereau said.

"I'm so sorry sir! Please! I've written the entire thing and you just beat and whip me and take the credit! Please, let me go! Let me see my family!" he pleaded

"What makes you so confident your family still exists?" smiled Eric evilly.

"…No! NONONONONONONONO!!!!!!!!!!!!!" wept Ian.

"Write more, and make it funny! The team of slaves working on Atrocities already have 2 chapters out! What's taking you so long?"

"I'm so very sorry sir! I'm only one man! Please, just let me go! I can't write this whole thing myself!"

"Then you shouldn't have written yourself in!" barked Ash.

"I'm sorry! Sir, if you don't mind a weak pitiful maggot such as I asking, why don't you just have whoever wrote the other chapters of the Ice Games write this?" asked Ian humbly

"They have alrady been killed. You see, they had a tendency to be unfunny." Smiled Eric.

"I'm sorry sir! I'll resume writing funny witty material right away!" said Ian, scribbling like mad.

"Excelent. And don't let me catch you eating any more rats, you weakling!" said Eric, slamming the door.

****

End of Inapproppiate Interlude (Aren't I funny Eric?)

(Lies and you know it, Ian)

The Flamer looked down and saw a giant gash in his side. Ash landed next to him and smirked evily. The Flamer's mouth was still wide open, gazing at the stump that was once his right side of his body.

"Not feeling all there today, Flame-Boy?" smiled Ash.

"Not really, I just need to pull myself together!" the Flamer suddenly yelled, as red energy covered his body. His side was magically healed back together, the Flamer without a scratch. The Flamer crossed his arms and grinned at Ash. Ash greeted him back with an even bigger grin.

"Go time." Ash breathed, the Flamer jumping forward. Blocking the blows as fast as they came, Ash smiled.

"HAPPY LEARNED HOW TO PUTT! UH-OH!" he yelled, head-butting the Flamer and knocking him back.

Little Billy sat at his room, absorbing the stories by this Ash guy. 

"Hey, that madness story was pretty cool! Hey, what's this thing?" he said clicking the mouse on the song fic Stronger (Than Kakarot). Immediately terror and horror filled his features.

"I thought Ash was cool, but this SUCKS! AHHH!!!!! MY EARS!!!! THEY'RE BLEEDING!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! MY EYES!!!!!!!!!!!!" he screamed, clutching his face and falling over in pain. 

"Billy?" said his mother downstairs, instinctly jumping up. 

"BILLY!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" she screamed, finding his covered in his own blood and feces. 

"YOU BASTARD FANFIC WRITER! I'M GOING TO FOUND THE MAAW! MOTHERS AGAINST ASH THE WANDERER!"

Suddenly Ash lost the feeling in his right arm and the Flamer promptly planted his fist in his side.

"AHHHH!!!!" Ash screamed, weakly trying to punch the Flamer.

"You see now fool? I grow stronger with every Ash-hater! BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!!"

"HA! SOMEONE JUST READ CONSUMING MADNESS! IN YOUR FACE!" screamed Ash, rapidly punching the Flamer's face.

"Someone joined MAAW!" replied the Flamer, roundhousing Ash to the floor.

"Review for Atrocites!" yelled Ash, lifting the Flamer's right leg and slamming his foot in his crotch.

In a room full of mothers with Anti-Ash signs, Billy's mother walks up to the podium, clears her throat, breathes, and talks.

"Test? Test? This thing on? TEST!" she yelled, making everyone in the room jump.

"Ok, it works. Allright, this meeting is called to order. Any old business?" A woman in a blue dress stood up.

"Ash sucks!" she yelled, sparking conversations throughtout the room.

"ORDER! ORDER! ORDER ORDER ORDER!" screamed Billy's mom. Silence resumed abruptly.

"Better. Any new business?" she said, a woman in a red dress standing up.

"Ash sucks!" she yelled, inspiring even more mayhem, death, and destruction. Billy's mother started to bang her gavel, but soon sighed and sat down. A man with red hair slowly walked to the pedestal.

"Friends, friends, friends…..let us not bicker. I have here in my hands a list of known authors on this…. "Fanfiction.net". I believe you all want to read the list, but allow me to read the important ones for you. Ahem. First off, Eric M. Otherwise known as…Ash the Wanderer. We also have the identiity of every single peson who appeared in the Ice Games, as well as over half those who reviewed. Ian Wilson, this nahongnos/Hail person, is no where to be seen…but my friends! I have here the location of the true foe! Xing Li! It is he who gathered and collected the abominations! Destroy him, and ff.net will fall apart. My friends, it is the only logical path." He said soothingly, mesmerizing the crowd.

"………YEAH! YOU CAN DO IT! CUT HIS FUCKING HEAD OFF!" yelled some hick.

The man with red hair smiled evily, a red glow twinkling in his eyes.

Ash lunged forward and grabbed the Flamer's hood, taking it off. 

"HA! TIME TO MEET YOUR MAKER- Steele?" Ash said, dumbfounded.

"DIE!" screamed Steele, dressed as the Flamer. Ash brought one hand to his chin and he dodged Steele's blows with one arm.

"Hmm…I couldn't have been fighting the Flamer for that long…I'd bet Steele just took over the battle… Then where-AH!" yelled Ash, growing weak. Steele smiled and brought his fist up and powered up ki.

"DIE!" he screamed, bringing down his arm. It was grabbed by a very serious looking Hail.

"No." he said simply, twisting Steele's arm around. As Steele yelled out of pain, Hail slammed his fist into his stomach. Steele wheezed and fell over.

"You ok, Ash?" said Hail.

"Uh…no…no energy…"

"That's what I thought." Said Hail, grabbing his head. Hail's eyes glowed red, and a fiery wave spread over him, revealing himself as the Flamer.

"Now…we finish this…" said the Flamer.

"My ass we will!" screamed the real Hail, slamming into the Flamer. The Flamer grinned.

"My my my…stronger, are we? Yessss…the Saiya-jin blood in you saw to that…but it won't be enough. Time to end this!" screamed the Flamer. Hail looked at him with fury. 

"YYYYYYAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" he screamed, head-butting the Flamer. The Flamer's head threw back, blood flying. Hail quickly landed punch after punch on him, growling.

"It seems Hail is pissed. But you can not be serious." Smiled the Flamer.

"I've never been more serious!" he screamed, wrapping his arms around him. The Flamer's eyes opened in surprise as Hail began to crush his bones in his grip. The Flamer's mouth opened, but no sounds came out. Meanwhile, Ash had rolled to his back and looked up.

"No…NO! DON'T!" he screamed. Hail and the Flamer ignored him as the Flamer threw open his arms, breaking his grip. Hail was in shock as the Flamer quickly punched through his stomach. The punch drew him close, almost embracing him as a brother.

"Time to die, freak." Whispered the Flamer in Hail's ear. Hail's open mouth filled with blood as he flinched. Drawing out his arm, the Flamer put a hand on both shoulders. Smiling evily, the Flamer fired up an aura that began to burn Hail. Hail screamed, begging for mercy.

"HAIL!" Ash screamed, flying towards them. Hail screamed a long agonizing scream as the fire engulfed him and burned the flesh from his bones. To finish it off, the Flamer grabbed him by his neck and twisted, breaking his neck and turning his head backward.The Flamer smiled as he let down his aura.

"Stay away from the Flamer if you can't take the heat." He smiled. 

****

Part Six: The Final Battle

Ash's jaw dropped and stayed there, not moving. Clutching his fist, he began to utter a low growl.

"Oh? What's this? You want to die as well?" smiled the Flamer. Ash's pupils went out as he once again surpassed SSJ3.

"THAT.IS. IT. I'LL MAKE YOU SUFFER!" he roared, flying at him, fist outward. The Flamer grinned, but abruptly stopped as the punch pierced his chest as easily as he had pierced Hail's. 

"You like it? HUH? YOU LIKE IT YOU SON OF A BITCH!" screamed Ash, blasting the Flamer away. The Flamer skidded through some rocks and stopped, looking up at Ash. Ash stared him down, then proceeeded to punch his chest as fast as was possible, with no mercy. The Flamer gasped , then we punched into the ground. The Flamer thrust around his arms, hoping to hit something. Ash grabbed one arm and viciously ripped it off. He then tossed the Flamer into the air and flew up above him to smash him onto the ground. The Flamer landed on his head with a loud thud, but he recovered quickly and leapt up again.

Until Ash fired a blast which quickly and effectively removed his legs. The Flamer seemed to float in the air temporarily, a moment frozen in time. 

Then there was a splurching sound as he landed.

"Holy crap!" he yelled, trying to pick himself up with his remaining arm while re-growing his body. But Ash flew down and kicked him to the ground. The Flamer's eyes closed, and he was vaguely aware of Ash's fist about to come on him.

"I challenge you to a karioke match!" he suddenly yelled. Ash froze.

"What did you say?" he said, fist still clutched. 

"I said I challenge you to a karioke match! Whoever gets more votes wins! Agreed?"

Ash blinked and thought it over.

"…I could kill you now. But I think I'll humiliate you first. Agreed." The Flamer smiled and snapped his fingers, making a stage appear. Standing up on newly-grown legs, he walked to the stage. Smiling and snapping his fingers, an audience appeared. The Flamer then violently shifted his head around, finally arriving at the face of Mark from Blink-182.

****

Part Seven: The Concert

"Since I'm going to die at the cruel hands of this villian Ash, I chose Adam's Song. Hit it." He said, drums and the guitar playing. He smiled evily and began to sing.

"I never thought, I'd die alone,

I laughed the loudest, who had known?

I traced the cord back from the wall, 

No wonder, it was never plugged in at all.

I took my time, I hurried up,

The choice was mine, I didn't think enough

I'm too depressed, to go on,

You'll be sorry when I'm gone.

I never conquered and it came

16 just held such better days, 

days when I, still felt alive,

I couldn't wait till I got outside

The world, its way to late to try

The tour was over, we survived

I couldn't wait, till I got home,

To pass the time in my room alone.

I never thought, I'd die alone

Another six months, I'll be unknown

Give all my things, to all my friends

You'll never step foot in my room again

You'll close it up, board it up

Remember the time that I spilt the cup

Of applejuice, in the hall

Please tell mom this is not her fault

I never conquered and it came

16 just held such better days, 

days when I, still felt alive,

I couldn't wait till I got outside

The world, its way to late to try

The tour was over, we survived

I couldn't wait, till I got home,

To pass the time in my room alone.

I never conquered and it came

16 just held such better days, 

days when I, could still feel alive,

I couldn't wait till I got outside

The world, its way to late to try

The tour was over, we survived

I couldn't wait, till I got home,

To pass the time in my room alone."

The audience went absolutely crazy, screaming for the Flamer. As the Flamer walked backstage, he passed by Ash.

"You're fucked now, boy. I laid some Blink on them, not to mention some brainwashing." 

Ash was silent. Then he cocked his head.

"No matter what you do flamer, I'll always keep on rollin'."Ash quiped.

And then he walked onstage with his band. It was comprised of Brolly on drums, 17 at the turntable, Freeza on the 7-sting, Buu on the bass, and himself at the vocals. 

"Ready? Fire it up, Freeza. Let's do it for Hail." 

Freeza nodded, then strummed away at the guitar with powerful tunes. Brolly began beating the drums while 17 hit the record. Ash breathed in and said,

"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN…" while 17 repeated "Put your hands up" on the record.

"ASH THE WANDERER…GONNA KEEP ON ROLLIN BABY!" he said, screaming as the stage lit up, the band members playing away, the crowd going crazy.

"BREATHE IN, NOW BREATHE OUT!

HANDS UP, NOW HANDS DOWN!

BACK UP, BACK UP!

TELL ME WHAT YOU WANNA DO NOW!

BREATHE IN, NOW BREATHE OUT!

HANDS UP, NOW HANDS DOWN!

BACK UP, BACK UP!

TELL ME WHAT YOU WANNA DO NOW!

KEEP ROLLIN ROLLIN ROLLIN ROLLIN!

OKAY!

ROLLIN ROLLIN ROLLIN ROLLIN!

COME ON!

ROLLIN ROLLIN ROLLIN ROLLIN!

YEAH!

ROLLIN ROLLIN ROLLIN ROLLIN" 

"NOW I KNOW YA'LL BE LOVING THIS SHIT RIGHT HERE!

A.S.H. Wanderer is right here!

People in the house put them hands in the air!

CAUSE IF YOU DON'T CARE, THEN WE DON'T CARE!

One Two Three times Two to the Six!

Going for a fix, with the Wanderer fics!

So where the fuck you at punk?

SHUT THE FUCK UP!

AND BACK THE FUCK UP!

WHILE WE FUCK THIS TRACK UP!"

"BREATHE IN, NOW BREATHE OUT!

HANDS UP, NOW HANDS DOWN!

BACK UP, BACK UP!

TELL ME WHAT YOU WANNA DO NOW!

BREATHE IN, NOW BREATHE OUT!

HANDS UP, NOW HANDS DOWN!

BACK UP, BACK UP!

TELL ME WHAT YOU WANNA DO NOW!

KEEP ROLLIN ROLLIN ROLLIN ROLLIN!

OKAY!

ROLLIN ROLLIN ROLLIN ROLLIN!

COME ON!

ROLLIN ROLLIN ROLLIN ROLLIN!

YEAH!

ROLLIN ROLLIN ROLLIN ROLLIN!" 

Ash began jumping up and down with an energy unseen before. Gearing up for the next lines, Ash pointed at the Flamer and he was suddenly yanked on stage.

"You wanna mess with the Wanderer?" screamed Ash.

"Yeah?" said the Flamer.

"You can't mess with the Wanderer!"

"Why?"

"Cause I get big hit fics!"

"When?"

"Everyday, and everynight!"

"D'oh!"

"And this 1000 reviews thing right here?!"

"Yeah?"

"Well, I'm doing it all the time!"

"Huh?"

"So you better make some better fics, and uh, get with the times!"

"Doh!"

"I got the game set, so don't complain yet!

24/7 Never beggin for a rain check!

OLD SCHOOL WRITERS PASSING OUT THAT HOT SHIT!

THAT ROCK SHIT!

AND DANCE IN THE MOSH PIT!" 

"BREATHE IN, NOW BREATHE OUT!

HANDS UP, NOW HANDS DOWN!

BACK UP, BACK UP!

TELL ME WHAT YOU WANNA DO NOW!

BREATHE IN, NOW BREATHE OUT!

HANDS UP, NOW HANDS DOWN!

BACK UP, BACK UP!

TELL ME WHAT YOU WANNA DO NOW!

KEEP ROLLIN ROLLIN ROLLIN ROLLIN!

OKAY!

ROLLIN ROLLIN ROLLIN ROLLIN!

COME ON!

ROLLIN ROLLIN ROLLIN ROLLIN!

YEAH!

ROLLIN ROLLIN ROLLIN ROLLIN!

Hey ladies! Hey Fellas!

AND THE PEOPLE, THAT DON'T GIVE A FUCK!

All the lovers! And all the haters!

AND THE PEOPLE, THAT CALL THEMSELVES PLAYAS!

Hot mamas, pimp daddys!

And the people, rollin in their caddy's

Hey rockers! Hip-hoppers!

AND EVERYBODY ALL AROUND THE WORLDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!

BREATHE IN, NOW BREATHE OUT!

HANDS UP, NOW HANDS DOWN!

BACK UP, BACK UP!

TELL ME WHAT YOU WANNA DO NOW!

BREATHE IN, NOW BREATHE OUT!

HANDS UP, NOW HANDS DOWN!

BACK UP, BACK UP!

TELL ME WHAT YOU WANNA DO NOW!

KEEP ROLLIN ROLLIN ROLLIN ROLLIN!

OKAY!

ROLLIN ROLLIN ROLLIN ROLLIN!

COME ON!

ROLLIN ROLLIN ROLLIN ROLLIN!

YEAH!

ROLLIN ROLLIN ROLLIN ROLLIN!

BREATHE IN, NOW BREATHE OUT!

HANDS UP, NOW HANDS DOWN!

BACK UP, BACK UP!

TELL ME WHAT YOU WANNA DO NOW!

BREATHE IN, NOW BREATHE OUT!

HANDS UP, NOW HANDS DOWN!

BACK UP, BACK UP!

TELL ME WHAT YOU WANNA DO NOW!

KEEP ROLLIN ROLLIN ROLLIN ROLLIN!

OKAY!

ROLLIN ROLLIN ROLLIN ROLLIN!

COME ON!

ROLLIN ROLLIN ROLLIN ROLLIN!

YEAH!

ROLLIN ROLLIN ROLLIN ROLLIN!" 

Ash finished, ending with a flying jump. The crowd instantly went absolutely crazy, tearing apart everything in sight. The Flamer's jaw dropped.

"The Hell? I made them! And I made them to hate you! And just for kicks I brainwashed them! HOW COME THEY LOVE YOU?" he shouted. Ash just smiled and walked past him.

"Because I can write."

The Flamer growled and powered up, firing a blast at Ash's back. Ash leapt to the side, barely dodging the blast.

****

Final Chapter (We can't count very well): The Victor vs. The Loser
    
    "No more Flamer."

Ash powered up an aura so great the fires threw everything around them away like nothing. Ash looked at his foe with the greatest look of deadly seriousness he'd worn yet.

"Let's cut to the chase, shall we?" smiled the Flamer.

"Gladly." Said Ash, throwing an energy ball at the Flamer. It was easily knocked away.

"Don't insult me. I mean your best." Said the Flamer, slowly hovering in the air, hundreds of feet away.

"Fine." Said Ash, the aura concentrating in his palms. The Flamer grinned and fired up his hellish aura in his hands. Soon, both blasts were ready.

"ANCIENT DEAD BEAM!" Ash screamed, being knocked slightly back while the grey blast flew. The Flamer grinned, firing his.

"TOUCH OF BURNING HELL ATTACK!" he screamed letting loose a red, blood colored beam. The blasts slammed into one another roughly, spreading out like a pancake. Neither fighter could keep his ground for long, and were knocked back. Ash grinned, then screamed above the roar of the beam.

"HEY ASSHOLE! KNOW WHY THEY CALL ME ASH? WELL, LET ME SHOW YOU!" he screamed, as the ground shook around him. Skeletons of every sort, from dinosaurs to rats, all appeared, re-animated. The undead seemed to scream a death wail, then all fell apart to dust, They flowed into the blast by some magical gust of wind, and a beam of light appeared where they entered. For a second, nothing happened. For a second. 

Then the Flamer was suddenly staring down a grey blast by his nose. 

"SHIT! TOO CLOSE!" He screamed, no longer holding back. Ash gasped as the Flamer's beam now danced in front of his nose. The energy crackling almost tickled him, but the lightning whipping his face ruined the experience. He closed his eyes, then screamed for help,

The authors all gathered in a circle. They looked up, hearing Ash's voice.

The fans of Ash the Wanderer everywhere looked up as they heard a voice in their heads.

Every dragonball character turned to Ash's direction as they listened.

__

Friends! Allies! I need you help! The Flamer, he's too strong! He's using hate and evil to turn everyone against me, and against yourselves!

****

Inappropiate Interlude II
    
    The door swung open and Eric stuck his head through.

"HEY! STOP PRAISING ME SOME MUCH! YOU WANNA PISS OFF THE FLAMERS?" he screamed

"You wanna write it yourself, you bitch?" Ian muttered under his breath

"WHAT WAS THAT?" Eric screamed

"Uh……shit…….I said……..I'll fix it myself, if you wish…..yeah!" said Ian

"You damn…oh never mind." said Eric, walking into the room and tossing Ian out of the chair.

"Go eat. Endings are my specialty." Eric said, and began to type.

****

End of Inappropiate Interlude II (I thought that needed to be said, but Ian wrote the last part)
    
    "They won't help you Ash. I made them all hate you, like it should be! You can't write at all! You're just a stupid kid with an ego the size of Texas, and you must be eliminated from FF.Net. Only then will the cancer that is killing that site die!"

Ash staggered under the Flamer's assault, his face beginning to burn. _Can't…hold…no!_

Then the beam engulfed Ash and he was tossed backwards with a scream. The sky lit up with fire and then a massive explosion shook the earth, swallowing Ash's scream.

The Flamer stopped his attack, slowly lowering his arms.

Then he threw back his head and laughed in truimph.

"At long last, I have destroyed him! At long last!" The Flamer crowed, floating down to the ground as he blew away the dust. He saw black and headed towards it to see Ash's prone body.

"No more writing Ash. It's for your own good." The Flamer smirked.

Then Ash suddenly sat up, a clicking noise filling the air, and the Flamer found himself staring at the sawed-off barrel of a shotgun.

"Good, bad, as the Ash I named myself after would say, I'm the guy with the gun." Ash said, and fired, blowing the Flamer's head clean off and throwing his body back in a spray of blood. Ash slowly got to his feet and blew the smoke away from the barrel.  
"Groovy." Ash quipped. "That should dispell the rumours that I named myself after Ash from Pokemon."

Then there was a growl, and the Flamer floated up as his face reformed.

"CATCH THIS, ASHHOLE!" The Flamer screamed, and thrust out his hands, hurling an expanding orange blast at Ash. Ash threw up his arms to block and the beams engulfed him. Smoke lifted up, and then blew away to reveal Ash, unharmed. He loweed his arms and blinked. The Flamer was gone.

Then he looked up.

The Flamer was floating in the air, one arm up. Above him hovered the largest ball of energy Ash had ever seen. It virtually covered the whole sky, casting shadows over the land. Red and black fire danced on it's massive surface as the Flamer smiled a smile of insanity and destruction.

"You must be removed from writing forever, Nugget. So…BURN IN MY ETERNAL FLAME!" The Flamer screamed, and hurled the ball downward at Ash.

Ashs tood his ground, a golden aura exploding around him as he went SSJ.

"You are the cancer to FF.Net, Flamer. You were formed from insults and jealousy, from cruelty and ignorance, from black, pointless hate. I don't know how many writers you've driven away, how many feelings you've hurt, how many great stories you may have robbed the world of. But you won't break me. No matter what you do, or say, I WILL NEVER STOP WRITING!"

And with that, Ash thrust his hands to the side as blue energy crackled and exploded between his palms, beams of brillant sapphire energy streaming between his fingers.

"KAAAAAAAAA-MEEEEEEEE-HAAAAAAAAAA-MEEEEEEEE-HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!"

And with that Ash thrust his hands forward, throwing the greatest attack in the DBZ world at the ball. The two struck, Ash's beam pressing against The Flamer's fireball. The Flamer smirked.

"Oh please. You think making a stand redeems you? You're just feeding your ego!" The Flamer taunted, and thrust down his hand. The ball began moving forward again. Ash concentrated and more energy poured down his Kamehameha, again stopping the ball. But the Flamer motioned again, and again the ball began heading towards Ash.

"BURN IN MY FLAME, ASHHOLE! MWAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!"

"Kamehameha!"

Ash's eyes opened in surprise as the new blue beam shot up to add to his, and Ash glanced to the side.

"CHAOZU?"

It was indeed the little mime, looking worse for wear but totally determained.

"I'm sorry Ash. He tricked me, and possessed me, and that led to all this. But I'm free now, and I will help you defeat this monstrousity!"

"What? I thought Ice Queen ripped your pathetic body apart!" The Flamer cursed, and put a little more effort into the ball. It began moving towards the two again.

"Never underestimate what can happen in the world of Dragon Ball Z." said a new voice, and three new forms blurred into existence around Ash. Ash blinked.

"Tynzien?"

"Bingo, my esteemed creator. Just as the mime was tricked, so were we. Now it's payback." The AU saiya-jin said, and thrust his hand to the side. His ally and former enemy, also tricked by the sham, did likewise.

"HEAVEN-SPLITTING VIOLENT LIGHT!"

"GENOCIDE HEAVEN!"

"CHAOS GENOCIDE!"

The three new beams slammed again the ball. The Flamer smirked cruelly.

"Summon all the characters you created you want, Ash. It won't make a difference! In the end, they're just a part of you, and you alone cannot defeat me!"

"But he's not alone."

The Flamer's eyes widened as the authors suddenly began appearing around Ash. Soon, every author that had participated in the Games was there, along with their reprentatives. Ash looked around.

"I thought you hated me?"

"Eh, times change." Chelsee said, taking the last bite of her yam, and then throwing her arms above her head.

"MASENKO!"

Alongside her, Movie 9 Son Gohan appeared and did the same, and two new golden beams of energy flew to join the others. Around Ash, all the authors and representatives erupted into motion as they all charged up for their chosen attacks.

"KAMEHAMEHA!"  
"FINAL FLASH!"

"BIG BANG!"

"MAKKANKOSAPPO!"

"FINISH BUSTER!"

"BURNING ATTACK!"

"WOLF WIND!"

"SHIN KIKOUHOU!"

"DEATH BALL!"

"HELL'S FLASH!"

"SUPER SS BOMB!"

"RENZOKOKEN SHINE SHINE MISSILE!"

The Flamer snarled as all the energy slammed into his ball, holding out both his hands as the ball began to be pushed back towards him.

"Pathetic authors! Fine! If you support Ash, you are as bad as him, and you ALL MUST BE DESTROYED!" The Flamer roared, and the ball began to be pushed back again. Ash began to despair. _What else can we do?_

Then Ice Queen and JAT appeared next to Ash, their faces hard and angry.

"Plenty, Nugget. Like this." Ice Queen said, and thrust her hands to the side. JAT did the same, and between them a glowing white ball appear, shining with effulgence.

"ABSOLUTE ZERO!" Both Ice Queen and JAT screamed, and thrust their arms up to add to the storm of beams hitting the Flamer's ball.

Sweat began beading on the Flamer's face as his ball began to be pushed back again.

"No…as long as you exist…so can I…I cannot be destroyed…I CANNOT!"the Flamer screamed, as Mike Steele stood with his arms crossed.

"Man! I hate when I can't think of a cool blast name! Oh well. STEELE BLAST!!!!!!!!!" he said, unleashing a white blast, adding to the power. A light rain developed.

Hail opened one eye. He was amazed to see the ground. The problem was, he was laying on his back. His head was completely around! He realized the truth and slowly touched his head. Using baby force, he slowly turned his head completely around. Suddenly sitting up, he looked as his burnt and charred flesh was washed away like an outer skin, revealing undamaged flesh. He flexed his arm muscles, then jumped up.

"I don't know…..but I don't care!" he yelled, jumping as he flew forward. He suddenly stopped, seeing several dozen people on the end of one blast, the Flamer on the other.

"…………..God I hate bravery!" he yelled as he punched the Flamer's face. The Flamer didn't move.

"I thought I killed you."

"I thought so, too."

"Quess I'll have to do it AGAIN!" he suddenly yelled, grabbing Hail's neck, squeezing throught his bones.

"Sucker!" wheezed Hail, spitting blood in the Flamer's face. The Flamer looked down, realizing Hail's ruse. He was fueling the blast with only one arm.

And that wasn't enough.

The Flamer's eyes went as wide as they could as he saw his ball of fire heading back towards him.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Then the ball slammed into them, engulfing them in burning energy and carrying them out of the Earth's atmosphere and into space. As the Flamer and Hail thrashed in their agonizing prison, they saw the bright ball of light as he approached the sun. The Flamer opened his mouth and screamed.

"YOU RIPPED OFF MOVIE 5 AND 10!"

While Hail could only scream, very oddly,

"I WORK AT MCDONALDS!!!!!!!!!"

Then the ball hit the sun and the two vanished as a mammoth explosion shook the whole solar system as the combined Omni-Blast from everyone exploded. The Earth shook slightly, and then was still.

And back on the ground, all the authors lowered their arms, tired but saitisfied. Ash sighed, then smirked.

"Maybe so, but seeing how you like fire so much, LAMER, I thought it would be good for you. Now stay out of my kitchen."

"Did anyone else notice we just happened to KILL MY BROTHER!?!?!?!" screamed JAT.

"YES!!!!! HE'S DEAD!!!! THAT SUCKER'S ROOM IS MINE!!!! WOOHOO!!!! …… I mean, NO!!!!!!!!!" said Ice, pretending to cry.

"Uh…..yeah…….oops……what a great guy Hail, I mean nahognos, I mean, oh, you know what I meant." said Ash

"He is not dead!" said a voice. Every single person turned to see the Talent, young and in great shape. He appeared to be about 20 now!

"What do you mean? And who the hell are you?" demanded Ash, readying for another fight.

"Ha! Easy, god fellow. I introduced myself to Hail. I am the Talent!" he said, briefly explaining himself.

"Woah…can I have another yam?" asked Chelsee. The Talent laughed and produced a yam from his robe, tossing it to the wide-eyed Chelsee.

"Ah! Such life! Which is what Ian is right now. He's just woken up on his bed. Hail may have died, indeed, so did nahognos, but Ian lives on. Don't worry, he's waiting for you. As am I!" said the Talent, suddenly dissapearing in a flash, his laugh fading slowly. The authors all scratched their heads.

"You know, in all that, I almost forget the contest and the games. Who won?" JAT said. Ash and Ice Queen immediately glared at each other.

"No one did." Came Steele's voice, and all the authors looked to him. "It ended in a draw due to outside forces. We have wrecked this world long enough. It is time we returned to our world, to keep doing what we do best: write. Only by doing that can we truly beat the flamers. Let's go home."

Ash glanced back at Ice Queen.

"Don't think this is over, Nugget. I still haven't forgotten the curses and the Chinese food."

"And I haven't forgotten the eating Chaozu and the cancer patient jokes, Ice Cream. No, it ain't over. Not by a long shot. But for now…I am tired. I must rest. Goodbye Chaozu. I'll see you in Atrocities." Ash said.

And with that, Ash put two fingers up and vanished, heading back to the real world.

"Count on it Ash." Ice Queen said, and also vanished.

"The Z Fighters will remember none of this. That is best." Mike Steele said, and vanished. Slowly, all the other authors left, heading back to their homes and their computers.

Ian Wilson woke up on his bed, stretching his muscles. He jumped off his bed and looked in the mirror. Short brown hair, hazel eyes, and a grin greeted him.

"So……I've finally arrived on Earth……"he said as he turned away, eyes glowing an evil red. Next to the bed, in a crystal ball, a miniature Flamer pounded on his clear prison.

The End?

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(There is darkness, and then Ash suddenly appears via a spotlight)

Ash: So, the much-delayed and probably forgotten final part of the Ice Games has come to an end. What started out as a simple fight turned into something far more complicated, involving characters that ahd evolved from various authors here on FF.Net, and stories around those characters. If all thos confuses you, contact Ian, aka nahognos, he can explain it better. I would also like to thank Ian, who did do much of the work while I was busy with Atrocities, although he was not chained to any wall to do it. Very funny Ian, remind me never to give you such control again.

However, it was while during the Ice Games I heard that Ice Queen, aka Becky, was leaving the DBZ section of FF.Net. I have since heard other information that she didn't. Barring a mistake however, she did tell me she was leaving. I think. Well, I think she's gone. I hope I'm wrong. But any way, if she has left, I would like to dedicae these stories to a woman who can truly think of amusing DBZ situations, especially involving cats and curses. Therefore, I have chosen three winners from the Kairoke Contest of the Ice Games, and I hereby dub these awards the Silver Queens.

(Ash holds up an Oscar statue, except Ice Queen is in place of the normal gold guy, and she's done in silver)

Ash: And the winners for the best and more creative song parodies, as well as the funniest, are Galatea, Silver Galaxy, and nahognos!

(Cheers as the three run on stage and take their awards. Galatea and Sivler Galaxy accept their awards and walk off, as Ian walks to the mike.)

Ian: Well well well well well! What do we have here? This is my very first award I've ever won for my writing! This is great! I want to thank my sisters JAT and Icy, love ya! And don't worry bro, you'll be in the next one! But while I have the mike, I want to confess something. There is no Billy Butt 69. 

I confess, I made him as a prank, a practical joke. Most of you don't even know who he was, anyway. Basically, I picked the most absolutely brain-damaged name ever, and posted statements which were the exact opposite of what I really think. If anyone took offense, I'm sorry. Chelsee, I know you gave me a good lecture in the review, and thanks. Don't let flamers get away with that!

Some people figured out the secret of Billy Butt 69. I want to say good detective work Ice Queen! Ash, my friend, maybe next time. I guess women really are smarter than men! No offense, guys! But I want to formally retire the idea of Billy Butt 69 here and now. If you see someone bashing a good piece of work for whatever reasons they have in real life, don't review their stories. Don't read any of their other stories! Silence is approval, and bashing is giving them what they want! The best situation is to tell Xing about the Flamer. Xing, if you're reading this, you da man! 

I also would like to explain any questions you have concerning the games. Just don't ask me anything unless it's about this chapter. My email is [ianwilson@myrealbox.com][1], my AIM name is nahognos, you can talk to me on my hotmail account under [nahognos@hotmail.com][2]. Don't email the hotmail one, cause I never check it. 

Now, efore we get reviews like: 

ThAt StOrY SuCkEd NaHoGnOs iS gAy

Just know that I worked long and hard on this while Ash bled to death working on Atrocities. Don't worry, though, he's ok! Well, he's not, but we ordered a new Ash, he should get here any day now. Ash and I might post a Q&A, maybe some outtakes, a list of authors with their storied listed, my personal fav song parodies, interviews, whatever you want if you want it! THANK YOU! FREE TIBET! I WORK AT HOOTERS!…….McDonalds! I said McDonalds!

(nahognos is shoved off stage as Ash takes the mic)

Ash: Well, that's all folks! And hey Ice Queen, if you ever wanna come back to the DBZ section of FF.Net, you're more then welcome! I need someone to curse! Bye bye!

(Spotlight widens to show all the authors and their representatives waving goodbye, and hoping they're not making fools of themselves because of misinformation. Fade out)

   [1]: mailto:ianwilson@myrealbox.com
   [2]: mailto:nahognos@hotmail.com



End file.
